There is a border that defines the contour of his identity. Only by crossing it can Jaokhun Promchana be the man he wants to be. After moving to the US, he studied a new language and toiled in the kitchen. Holding a dream close to his heart, he went the extra mile to join the US Navy and police. Currently, he is running a restaurant with his wife. From the outside, he looks no different from other men, but in his expired documents, a name and its title are a reminder of the former self that he already shed.
"I don't want to return to Thailand where I feel trapped," he said. "I have been aware of it [sexuality] since I was in high school."
Frustrated by the lack of legal recognition of their relationship and identity at home, Jaokhun is among the LGBTI people who recounted their experience of moving to the US and Canada. Social and cultural geographer Andrew Gorman-Murray explains that queer migration occurs when the needs of non-heterosexual identities influence the decision to leave a certain place or choose a particular destination. Reasons for migration include coming out, moving with a same-sex partner and even seeking citizenship rights, such as same-sex marriage.
In 2011, Jaokhun graduated with a degree in computer science. With the support of his mother, he flew to Florida to take a language class and fell in love with a local woman. In those days, because same-sex marriage registration was available only in some states, they drove to North Carolina to tie the knot (at the time, he did not yet have surgery or a title change). Marital benefits included health insurance, family leave and the right to make medical decisions for an incapacitated spouse. After marrying a US citizen, Jaokhun applied for a green card.
"When I finished the language course, I became a waiter and sushi chef. At some point, I wanted to join the navy, but [my wife] disagreed. Besides, we couldn't get along. Our marriage ended in divorce," he said.
Then Jaokhun followed his heart. Despite being treated with contempt, he soldiered on to prove them wrong. He passed a multiple-aptitude exam, a physical fitness test and bootcamp assessment. He went on to receive technical training in logistics supply. Upon completion of the military course, he was eligible to apply for citizenship. While serving in the US Navy, he developed a crush on a Thai woman on social media. After talking for four months, he flew back to Thailand to meet her in 2020.
"She was a teacher in Chon Buri. At first, I encouraged her to take a language class here to see whether she liked it, but her application for a student visa was rejected. Then we opted for a K-1 visa. It took almost two years to relocate to the US. It would be quicker if the procedure began in Thailand, but unfortunately, same-sex marriage was [and still is] not allowed," Jaokhun said.
His girlfriend came to the US in late 2021. Under the fiancé visa, however, she was required to marry within 90 days from the date of entry or leave the US. Jaokhun spent as much time with her as possible to make sure they could get along. Finally, they held a wedding ceremony at the beach. It was joined by an official and two witnesses who signed a marriage licence, which was then submitted to the court. In two weeks, the newlywed couple received a marriage certificate.
"This September marks the second anniversary of our marriage," he said. "She wants to hold a wedding ceremony in Thailand, but the problem is the law does not allow us to marry. Besides, it doesn't grant the right to title change. When I return to Thailand, I use an American passport. I am hesitant to renew my Thai passport. An embassy staffer told me that I could not update the title because it isn't permitted in Thailand."
When it came to his transitioning process, Jaokhun could not take time off from the job or afford an expensive operation in the US. A turning point came when he quit the navy and flew back to meet his girlfriend. He received free surgery in Thailand in exchange for endorsing it. Upon return to the US, Jaokhun then joined the police. After medical consultation, he submitted a certificate to the court to seek a title change. Finally, he got bottom surgery in 2021.
"Because I am diagnosed with gender dysphoria, health insurance helped foot the bill for surgery and hormone treatment, but in Thailand, transgenders must pay for gender reassignment themselves," he said. "I hope our country will provide more support to the LGBTI community."
He is not alone in search of legal recognition that is not provided at home. In 2015, Natanes Kosaidilok moved to the US with his girlfriend for new opportunities. Born in Los Angeles, but raised in Thailand, she wanted to return home. While their visa application was being processed, the US legalised same-sex unions, much to their surprise. Upon arrival in Florida, they prepared the necessary documents and looked for jobs. Three months later, they registered for marriage, whereby he later received a green card.
"If we were in Thailand, our relationship wouldn't be legally recognised. But in the US, the law guarantees our status and rights," he said.
After relocating to the US, Natanes wanted to put his passion to good use and improve his homeland's reputation for cuisine. Drawing on his experience in mixology, he joined several cocktail competitions. He is the only Thai bartender who made it into the top 10 in last year's edition of the Flor de Caña's Sustainable Cocktail Challenge in Miami. His recipe Mama Thai Tea Thyme combines an infusion of Thai iced tea with thyme herbs.
"It represents my transgender identity and Thainess," he said. "In the future, I want to run my own bar."
His transitioning process began only three months ago. Like Jaokhun, Natanes underwent top surgery in Thailand. He is mulling bottom surgery due to his health condition. In fact, he receives hormone treatment regularly, which does produce a satisfactory result (a masculine appearance). Also, he has not changed his title yet. When his physical appearance is completely transformed, a doctor will issue him a letter to seek a title change. He has put on hold the idea of having a child for now.
"At first, we really wanted it [by using his egg and donor sperm], but due to financial instability, we shelved the plan. During Covid-19, the government ordered the closure of bars to curb transmission, which left staff, including me, out of work temporarily. After years of the pandemic, the situation has improved but customers have become more frugal," he said.
Looking back, he thought "he hit the jackpot" when same-sex marriage in the US took effect at the time of his migration, but others pay a lot for a right that is not available at home. In the aftermath of Covid-19, one gay man, who requested anonymity, was unable to meet his boyfriend for two years. After years of a long-distance relationship starting in late 2014, they flew to Argentina to register their marriage and then relocated to his partner's home in Canada in March.
"We couldn't stay in Thailand where same-sex marriage isn't allowed. Besides, my partner, who worked in Singapore, wanted to look after his parents," he said.
At first, they planned to marry in Canada, but an agency advised that they register the marriage somewhere else prior to relocation to stand a higher chance of visa approval. After a month of searching for countries that allow same-sex marriage, including Taiwan, Finland, Denmark, the UK and the US, on different conditions, they found that Argentina is the most convenient place. Upon arrival, a tour operator took them to a district office, where they registered with an official.
"With the certificate, I applied for a spouse visa and got it earlier this year. I have been in Canada for three months now. I am seeking permanent residency, whereby I will get a work permit and be able to find jobs. When it comes to citizenship, it will take another five years. Currently, we have no plan to raise a child. I'm not sure what benefits I am entitled to, but at least the same-sex marriage law allows us to live together legally," he said.
Last June, Thai lawmakers approved civil partnership and marriage equality as well as two other drafts in the first reading. Then an ad-hoc committee of the House of Representatives revised and forwarded them to the chamber for further review. However, the process stalled due to the absence of a quorum for deliberation of the cannabis law and the election. Once the parliamentary session comes to an end, pending legal proposals will be off the table, but once in office, the new government can review them in two months.
"Thailand should pass the marriage equality bill on grounds of human rights. I am lucky I could afford to travel. It cost nearly a million baht, including an agency service, a tour programme, flight tickets and accommodation. But it is very difficult for others," he said.
