Succession season 1-4 spoilers below
Succession has come to be known for its nuclear one-liners that are most often brutal – sometimes even cruel – and always hilarious.
Season four – the last ever season of the show – returned with a bang, and gave us some of the best Succession lines of all time.
Here we pick our favourite insults from the final season, a truly tricky task given just how many fantastic zingers we’ve already been treated to.
Episode one
In the first episode it was all about the Pierce deal.
“It’s like clickbait but for smart people.” (Roman)
“She’s brought a ludicrously capacious bag. What’s even in there, huh? Flat shoes for the subway? Her lunch pail? I mean, Greg, it’s monstrous. It’s gargantuan. You could take it camping. You could slide it across the floor after a bank job.” (Tom)
“What’s her full name? Is it Random-f***? Bridget Random-f***?“ (Kerry)
“Marcia’s not here. She’s in Milan, shopping, forever.” (Kerry)
“Munsters. Meet the f***ing Munsters.” (Logan)
“Big omelette nipples.” (Roman, of course, speaking about Logan)
“Tell her you could hear her better if she took Dad’s c*** out of her mouth.” (Shiv, about Kerry)
“You look tired, and your face is giving me a headache.” (Roman again, speaking to Shiv)
“She’s a firecracker, man. She’s crunchy peanut butter.” (Greg being one of the disgusting brothers)
“Everything else might fall apart. He [Kendall] might go on a killing spree in 7/11 and you might get your d*** stuck in an AI jerk machine.” (Shiv)
Episode two
In episode two, the sibs were still arguing about the GoJo deal, meanwhile Connor’s rehearsal dinner didn’t go as planned.
“It’s like Jaws. If everyone in Jaws worked for Jaws.” (Greg)
“Stop ganging up on me like your Lennon and McCartney and I’m f***ing George. I’m John, motherf***ers.” (Roman)
“A real bar – with chicks, and guys who work with their hands and grease, and sweat from their hands, and have blood in their hair.” (Connor)
“It’s like Israel/Palestine, except harder, and much more important.” (Tom)
“That sounds like Homework: The Show.” (Shiv)
“Toss her another ten grand. Or a snowmobile and some teeth-whitening vouchers.” (Roman)
“I don’t know, he’s just moseying. Terrifyingly moseying.” (Greg)
“Hey Buddha, nice Tom Fords.” (Roman)
“Hanging around like the threat of nuclear war.” (Tom)
“Congrats on losing your betrayal cherry.” (Kendall)
Episode three
Episode three will go down in TV history for being an astonishing 45 minute blow by blow of Logan’s death.
“I roped in a few mini-Gregs from the pig pen. A few little Greglets.” (Tom)
“Hail Loganus Maximum, slayer of Vikings!” (Tom)
“We can get a funeral off the rack. We can do Reagan’s with tweaks.” (Kendall)
“Judging by her grin, it looks like she caught a foul ball at Yankee Stadium.” (Tom about Kerry)
“What’s at the bottom of your stocking, Greg, huh? An old guy who f***ing hated you.” (Tom)
“I have a little list of nice things to say to Kerry.” (Greg)
Episode four
Then episode four was the wake, where the decision was made as to who would take over as interim CEO.
“We’re calling her a taxi to the subway so she can go home to her little apartment.” (Marcia)
“I like you Tom. Good luck.” (Kendall)
“For some of us it’s a sad day, but for others it’s coronation demolition derby.” (Shiv)
“You might want to put down that fish taco. You’re getting your melancholy everywhere.” (Gerri)
“Inside Marcia’s trunk, inside an anaconda, inside a sarcophagus.” (Roman, answering the question, “Where’s Kerry”)
“Well look at us both, right?” (Willa’s retort to Marcia’s “Look how far you’ve come.”)
“Dad sounds amazing, I would have liked to have met Dad.” (Shiv)
“Lip balm Tom Wamb, lubing up his lips to kiss my butt.” (Roman)
“You’re a clumsy interloper and no one trusts you. The only guy pulling for you is dead, and now, you’re just married to the ex-boss’ daughter, and she doesn’t even like you. And you are fair and squarely f***ed.” (Karl to Tom)
Episode five
In episode five, the gang flies to Norway to seal the sale of Waystar Royco.
“Let’s bleed the Swede.” (Kendall)
“Norway, Sweden, what’s the difference? It’s all descended from the same rapists.” (Tom)
“I’m not worried about Matsson, I’m worried about being whacked by the cast of Bugsy Malone over there.” (Tom)
“Shiv, we’re death-wrestling with ogres.” (Kendall) “You’re reading documents is what you’re doing, Ken.” (Shiv)
“They’re young and they’re fit, but they’re European. They’re soft; hammocked in their social security safety net, sick on vacation mania and free healthcare. They may think they’re Vikings but we’ve been raised by wolves, exposed to a pathogen that goes by the name of Logan Roy, and they have no idea what’s coming to them.” (Gerri)
“We’re snakes on a plane.” (Hugo, while sat on the plane)
“Which way to Chairman Matsson’s reeducation camp?” (Shiv)
“I metabolise fast because I’m dynamic.” (Hugo)
“What you need to know about it from a US news perspective is that we really... don’t give a f***. US is late imperial and we don’t know. Because we don’t really want to know. You know, we have our own Paris, and when it burns we’ll build another.” (Tom on France)
“Poor bastards. Hanging in the window like Peking duck.” (Karl)
“Deniability is difficult given she has so much of your blood.” (Shiv)
“If a deal collapses in a wood and no one hears it, is it an SEC violation?” (Roman)
Episode six
In episode six, Waystar launches retirement real estate product Living+ and Matsson’s not happy about it.
“Do you think it’s the speech written specifically for our late father, or the fact we’re planning to warehouse the elderly, and keep them drunk on content while we suck them dry?” (Kendall)
“Get loaded onto a chip and fired up someone’s ass. Float around as a gas, live as a tortoise? There’s got to be ways through. Death just feels very one size fits all.” (Roman)
“We’re just going to do an acoustic set, Ken and Rome unplugged.” (Kendall)
“It’s enough to make you lose your faith in capitalism, like you could say anything.” (Kendall)
“You have my dick in your hand, Ken. But I’ve got yours in mine. So let’s get real.” (Karl)
“I mean, he’s a genius. Nobody minds a genius acting weird.” (Gerri)
“He’s about to BASE jump into a buzzsaw.” (Karolina)
“You are a weak monarch in a dangerous interregnum.” (Gerri)
“If I cringe any harder I might become a fossil.” (Roman)
Episode seven
In episode seven, the Waystar Royco crew and friends gather at Tom and Shiv’s on election eve for a party. But, of course, it’s business as usual.
“You’re a f***ing deputy rat fucker, don’t object to being a rat f***er. It’s unbecoming.” (Roman to one of his minions)
“Don’t say it’s biodynamic, don’t say it’s German.” (Tom about the wine)
“It’s the kind of wine that separates the connoisseurs from the weak end Malbec morons.” (Tom)
“Come on, they’re not all crypto-fascists and right-wing nut jobs. We also have some venture capitalist Dems and centrist ghouls. Dad’s ideological range was wide.” (Kendall)
“Operation nuke the Luke.” (Shiv)
“Oman? Poor man’s Saudi Arabia, or rich man’s Yemen?” (Connor)
“Running people over is not a selling point.” (Willa)
“I f***ing knew he was a bulls***ter. I’m telling you, new money. You’ve got to hold those fresh bills to the light.” (Kendall)
“I thought you were the backwash at the bottom of the gene pool, but this is something else.” (Lukas to Greg)
“The red wine smells like wet dog.” (Frank)
“We go reverse Viking. We pillage their village.” (Kendall)
Episode eight
In episode eight, ATN covers the presidential election
“Information, Greg, it’s like a bottle of fine wine. You store it, you hoard it, you’ve it for a special occasion and then you smash someone’s face with it.” (Tom)
“Spitting poison like a f***ing king cobra with an iPhone.” (Tom about Cyd)
“Eggplant eggplant flag reeks of the misogynistic bravado that has so repelled the median voter.” (Shiv, about emojis)
“F***ing shit goes kablooey and we’re back to amoeba.” (Tom)
“I happen to be a billionaire… sorry! But honestly America you f***ed it. The corrupt bipartisan system zombie marches on…” (Connor)
“Because we ate so much chicken when we were kids, I have to like the fascists?” (Kendall)
“It’s medically good for your brain. What are you saying, all Aztecs are stupid? Don’t be racist little b***h about it.” (Tom, about cocaine)
“I wondered why you looked like a goose trying to shit a house brick, you piece of dirt.” (Kendall to Shiv)
“Respect the process, count every vote, so f***ing dull. Flop your d**k out. Pop a nut. Do something.” (Hugo)
Episode 9
In episode nine, Logan’s friends and foes gather at his funeral
“She’s one of the hard b**ches, right? She’s going to do 36 hours of maternity leave, emailing through her vanity caesarean.” (Shiv)
“Oh, I thought you were the sound system, now you want to choose the track?” (Menken)
“Privacy, p***y, pasta.” (Matsson)
“Here she comes, thought I could hear the sound of Dalmatians howling.” (Shiv)
“Was he in a bidding war with Stalin and Liberace?” (Shiv, about her father, while looking at the mausoleum)
“Goodbye my dear, dear, world of a father.” (Shiv)
Episode 10
In episode ten, the board voted on whether the GoJo deal would go through
“Carpe the diem, people” (Kendall)
“Rome might not even show up from whatever jerk dungeon he’s being butt-spanked in.” (Shiv)
“More f***ing hanging than a dictator’s birthday.” (Tom)
“Early bird catches the Rome?” (Kendall)
“You’ve got your hands on my throat, yeah? So don’t be all f***ing Joan of Waystar.” (Kendall)
“C*** is as c*** does.” (Kendall)
“Sometimes I feel like every fish in this city is the same piece of Xeroxed branzino.” (Matsson)
“I give the customer what he wants. I don’t think it’s my place to offer dietary advice. If they want red meat and boiling tar… then buon appetito.” (Tom)
“You trying to tie mommy’s apron strings around Romey’s nuts?” (Kendall, to Shiv)
“I’m the the centre of the f***ing universe with knowledge to take down solar systems.” (Greg)
“You get the bauble… congratulations. It’s haunted and cursed and nothing will ever go right, but yeah, enjoy your bauble.” (Roman)
“You like pancakes and waffles and you kiss guys on molly. You’re not the heart of darkness. You’re a grilled cheese with a sucked d**k.” (Kendall)
