I want to caveat this piece by first explaining that I am a feminist—and I want you to keep that front of mind whenever you read anything outlandish I might write in this article. Because the men of Succession bring out the worst in me.
You see, I’ve spent the past five years sat on a feeling, and I’m not prepared to keep it in any longer: There's something about Succession's leading men which is attractive. This isn't a Joe Goldberg sort of situation, either, where women find themselves attracted to a fictional serial killer—this is different.
It all started on Monday evening, after I watched what is easily one of the best pieces of television I’ve ever seen (it’s okay, I won’t be giving any spoilers—not here, anyway). I spent the next few hours in a string of conversation with everyone I know who also watches the show. We spoke of the character development, the cinematography, the script, the Burberry tote bag... but I had one last thing to get off my chest.
I fancy Roman, I typed out to one friend.
Oh my God. I really fancy Kendall, she replied.
So I texted another to further test the waters.
It’s Cousin Greg for me, she said.
After a solid evening of Whatsapping and a full day of grilling colleagues in the office kitchen while making cups of tea, I’ve discovered there’s a whole load of women who have unexplained crushes on the men of Succession. And these crushes are unexplained. In fact, almost every woman I spoke to about their weird Succession crush finished her admission with the words ‘don’t ask me why’. Naturally, I've spent the past 24 hours asking everyone that very question: why?
The men of Succession are supposed to be grostesque (the women aren't heaps better, to be clear—although I'm a big fan of Sarah Snook). They're out-of-touch billionaires by birth (or marriage) who are incapable of love, treat women like lesser beings and are willing to throw everyone they know under the bus for money and power—they're a feminist's worst nightmare.
And yet, here many of us are, feeling ourselves attracted to them in one way or another. And I use the word many here because it's important I give space to the women who were disgusted at the notion any fellow feminist could find a glimmer of attraction towards the toxic men of Succession. Because there were some. When I put a call out on my personal Instagram for insights, one person replied: "They're all appalling." And she's right.
It's the reason I've kept my thoughts to myself for almost the entire run of the show. So, in a selfish bid to justify my own feelings, I've dug a little deeper into what makes each Succession bachelor seem eligible—and my findings don't align with my feminist values in the slighest...
The 'babygirlification' of Roman Roy
Of all the Roy boys, I struggled the most with pin pointing Roman's attractive qualities—probably because he is the character I personally feel most attracted to. One woman I spoke with said, "Roman is a horrible little imp but has moments of moral clarity that are surprising and also attractive." And that really seems to hit the nail on the head. He's a bumbling, misogynistic, stunted brat 99% of the time, but the glimmers of emotional connection he shows give us hope that there's some potential in him.
I took to Twitter to see what the rest of the world had to say—and I came across something. The internet has this theory of 'babygirlification', and I've bought into it. According to the intellectual database that is Urban Dictionary, babygirlification is defined as 'the feminisation of hypermasculine men'. And the internet is convinced that's what the creators of Succession have done with Roman Roy in a bid to get us to love him—although keen to squash it, Roman does, after all, discuss his emotional turmoil with fellow characters. The likes of TikTok and Reddit have dubbed the term 'babygirl' for seemingly masculine men who become somewhat feminised by their fanbase and, thus, for some reason, more attractive.
The Kendall Roy fixing complex
Throughout my day-long investigation, Kendall Roy was easily the most declared Succession crush—and I don't like to admit this. Why? Because it seems as though a lot of people think he's capable of being saved/fixed—which makes me deeply uncomfortable. This Kendall Roy 'fixing' theory is already all over the internet. In fact, during my online sleuthing I came across a set of stickers that feature a photo of Kendall Roy under the words 'I CAN FIX YOU'.
When the series started, we caught a glimpse of the sort of loving husband and father Kendall could be, but the perils of trauma, addiction and greed took their toll. The fact that a 'fixing' complex has spurred around the character of Kendall is, in my opinion, evidence of the show's watering down of trauma and addiction in the upper classes—something which is woven into storylines to keep things believable within its dark comedic genre. A thesis could no doubt be (and probably has been) written on the subject.
The desperation of Tom Wambsgans
Tom was another stand-out crush across the board. A lot of women said they liked him because he is funny. While humour is an undeniably attractive quality, there's something about the deprecating jokes of a seemingly incompetent man who wormed his way up the career ladder through marriage that shouldn't fly—and yet somehow it does. Why? Because Tom Wambsgans was a man before Waystar, and the creators present this expertly.
He is, when all is said and done, still desperate for love—and there's a whole bunch of women out there who feel as though they can give that to him. "I wish I had a coherent explanation as to why I fancy Tom. Maybe I am attracted to men with a faint air of desperation? Or do I like men who pretend to be nice but are actually power hungry and incredibly cut throat?" said one woman.
The innocence of Cousin Greg
You might not have expected to see Cousin Greg on this list, but here he is. In fact, Greg the Egg was, after Kendall, one of the most crushed upon men of Succession. "It's obviously Cousin Greg—but there is no explanation," said one Greg-lover. "He's endearing in a weird way. He's also tall," said another.
The thing, I believe, that makes Greg such a lovable little monster, is that the wicked ways of the world of the rich have yet to fully take ahold of him. The seeds of greed have evidently been laid, but our attraction to Greg is somewhat motherly. We want to see him go a different way and do better morally. With Greg, there is still hope.
And a moment for Naomi Pierce...
Throughout most of my evidently surface-level investigation, one of Succession's unlikely female heroes came up in conversation over and over again. Naomi Pierce is adored by women far and wide for her wild-spirited nature and sartorial brilliance. "I could write a short story on my love for Naomi Pierce," said one woman I spoke with. "She's so utterly, insanely cool and styles herself FOR herself," said another.
Her always measured presence, woven into the chaotic plumes of testosterone which have come to shape the show, is the one in which we are most attracted to—and there's something wonderful to be said for that.
