A woman who lost her baby twins when she was a teenager is now supporting other grieving mums. Laura Bagley felt isolated and alone when her babies died just 12 weeks into her pregnancy.
Underlying health conditions with her uterus meant doctors had previously warned her she might not carry full term if she ever fell pregnant. So the unplanned pregnancy when she was 17 and studying for her A-levels came as both a shock and a worry for the Chesterfield teenager.
Coupled with the fact she was in an unsupportive relationship at the time, she said, it made her feel alone. "I wasn't planning my pregnancy," she said.
"I was in a relationship, but it wasn't a great relationship and my partner at the time was not very supportive at all so I felt like I was kind of having them on my own really.
"Initially I felt very alone and felt like I was on my own but I started coming to terms with it. I was thinking maybe we can make it work and we'll be alright."
When the 10-week scan revealed she was having twins, shock soon changed into excitement. "The prospect of twins didn't really scare me," she said.
"I felt like it was a bit like an opportunity. Not many people get the privilege to say they have had a twin pregancy or a multiple pregnancy."
Laura was at college when she started experiencing pain. "I had cramping and bleeding throughout the day so I knew something was off," she said.
"I came home and parents weren't at home, they were at work, so I called my best friend and I said, 'look I know something is amiss, something is not right'.
"The pain and bleeding got worse very quickly." Laura went to hospital where it was confirmed she had sadly miscarried both babies.
Following the sad loss of her babiess, Laura recalls feeling more guilt than grief. Due to her abnormally shaped uterus and a condition known as cervical ectropion, she had been told she was high risk.
"I did feel like it was my fault and I had caused it," she said. "And I didn't feel like I had a support network and held myself responsible for it.
"I didn't really give myself much time to grieve at the time. I didn't feel like I needed to talk about it and I later realised that probably wasn't the right thing."
Laura now has a new partner and she discusses the babies often. Laura chose not to name the babies she lost but she associates them with a bird - the robin.
"I don't know what they would have been like or even what gender they would have been or anything like that, but when we talk about them now we say the robin," she said. "I think of them when I see them. Part of me hopes there is something there, but you never really know, do you?"
Laura feels she was given little information about carrying her babies with an underlying condition and wishes there had been more support. She pointed out that when many pregnancies are cut tragically short, there is an investigation to find out the cause.
"For people who have underlying health conditions it can be brushed off as in, 'well you weren't going to carry them to full term anyway'. And that's really hard," she said.
Now 20, Laura is studying for a degree in nursing at Derby University and hopes to specialise in bereavement care for mums who have suffered bay loss. In May 2021 she became a befriender for the Twins Trust which represents families with twins, triplets and more, including those which are bereaved.
"Because my loss was so specific - happening so early and with underlying health conditions - I thought it might be good to support other women like me," she said. "I didn't feel like there was many other people out there to talk about it."
Laura bravely told her story as the Twins Trust shared a "worrying" report into twin baby deaths in the UK. The MBRRACE-UK Perinatal Mortality Surveillance Report showed a 19% increase in the twin stillbirth rate and a 16% increase in the twin neonatal mortality rate.
This contrasts with an overall 21% decline in stillbirths and a 17% decline in neonatal deaths since 2013. Compared to singletons, the risk of stillbirth is 2.25 times higher in twins and the risk of neonatal death is 3.5 times higher.
Shauna Leven, chief executive of Twins Trust, said: "Whilst the picture for singletons shows improvement, the rise in the twin death rate gives us overwhelming cause for concern. The widening gap between singleton and twin mortality rates is clear evidence that we still have work to do to ensure the UK’s maternity services are providing the best care to multiple pregnancy families."
For further information about the Twins Trust bereavement service visit www.twinstrust.org/bereavement.html or search Twins Trust Bereavement Group on Facebook.
