Multi-grit sandpaper, a “water butt connector pipe link kit”, a five-pack of AAA batteries, “slow blow” fuses, vacuum cleaner bags, a tea towel and nail clippers. Tidying my inbox, I see these are some of the things I’ve been asked to give feedback on recently. The purveyors of these high-end lifestyle items – truly worthy of my aspiration to become an “aesthete” of the week in the Financial Times – would love my thoughts. So here goes: no idea; no idea; generated electricity adequately; no idea; yes, they are vaccum cleaner bags; what tea towel … Hang on, I actually do have an opinion on the nail clippers. The business end – the beak? – is deeper than normal, so I keep nicking my fingertips. No stars.
I see from searching for the dread phrase “Love to hear from you” that the dentist who hasn’t answered my plaintive queries about my broken tooth also wants feedback, as does the chain hotel where I left my favourite skirt, leading to multiple unanswered phone calls and them eventually denying all knowledge of it. It’s time to get my Oprah on – you get zero stars and you get zero stars, and you, and you!
