A Stirling couple who are retiring as foster carers after 28 years are encouraging others to offer safe, nurturing homes to children and young people.
A recruitment event to attract new foster carers is being hosted by Stirling Council at the Raploch Campus on Tuesday, March 28.
Foster carers come from a wide variety of backgrounds, but are united by love and empathy and a desire to better the lives of children and young people who cannot be cared for by their families.
Lynn Findlater and her husband Will, from Cornton, became foster parents in 1995 and helped over 40 children and young people before their retirement earlier this month.
Lynn said: “One of the good things about fostering is it felt like we got the chance to make a change.
“Some of the young people who were most impacted by their earliest experiences at home are now very successful and running their own businesses. Being able to include them in our family and build up relationships worked well for us and the children.
“People usually say to me they couldn’t do it, that I must be an amazing person and have the patience of a saint. I am neither of those things, but I just really care about helping kids who have had to face some of the most difficult times in their short lives.
“Fostering is not the easiest thing I’ve ever done, but there is support and training available. If it’s right for you, you will enjoy it. Caring for the kids has been my life.”
Lynn first thought of fostering when her husband came home with a leaflet called ‘Time for a Teenager’ from his work as in a printing department.
“I thought I would like to do that, although the timing was not quite right for us. We were living in Alloa and I felt at the time that we did not have enough space. I had two children of my own as well.
“When we moved to Stirling we put an extension on. We were doing B&B but I still had the urge to foster, it was something I really wanted to do and couldn’t get it out of my head.
“I had kept the leaflet for years and years and never forgot about it. We decided it was a good time to do it after we built the extension and I took the B&B sign down. I felt it was a good way to try it, as if we discovered it was not for us as a family, we could put the sign back out.”
The first children placed with the couple were a brother and sister.
“We were told they would be with us for three months but we had them for years, particularly the boy. He arrived when he was 11 and he left when he went to university. He would come back at weekends and holidays when he moved to university. He was around 24 when he moved on permanently. Today he has a caravan a few down from ours at the caravan site we go to regularly. We see him there with his wife and two kids.
“I never looked back, and the B&B sign never went back up.”
Having fostered long term, the couple feel they got the chance to “make a change”.
“It’s not always possible,” said Lynn. “Some kids have too many difficulties - but you can always make little changes.
“Some children who we have cared for came with lots of difficulties and I doubted how they would manage as they moved into adulthood. But some of the young people who were most impacted by their earliest experiences at home are now very successful and running their own businesses. Being able to include them in our family and build up relationships worked well for us and the children.
“These are the good times. I think you don’t see that as much with short term - but the care you give can still be supportive and help a young person.
“One boy l looked after was never at home much, and I felt like he did not want to be here, but the social worker helped me understand that he was getting something out of it. We did not always realise the positive effect that we were having. He was one of the young people who went on to run his own business and has spoken positively about his time with our family.”
Sometimes the behaviours that children present due to their experiences can be very difficult to manage, admits Lynn - however, this can be different for different carers. Some may find it hard, another carer may not.
And training and support are important.
Will has been a great support to Lynn, particularly at more difficult times.
“He would also have a different perspective and help me think in different ways. When you have been dealing with it all day, it is a relief to share it with someone.
“You can’t just talk to anyone as confidentiality must be upheld. You have your social worker and other carers, however.
“Support networks are important but to be able to discuss events you need to use the professionals and other carers.”
Walking her dogs in the fresh air and getting out of the house has been important.
“Fostering is your life and it can be 24/7 so self-care is essential,” said Lynn.
Asked what makes a good foster carer, she said: “Having empathy for others, being caring and interested in the young people.
“I genuinely love teenagers. I enjoy them, and I have always wanted to care for that age group. Thinking back to my own teenage years I remember how hard they could be but I had my parents who were there for me consistently, even in the tough times.
“The young people we look after often don’t have anyone who can offer them that support within their families. Teenagers have different needs from the care that little children need but they are just as vulnerable and in need of a loving and supportive home.”
Most of the 40 children looked after by the couple have been long term, but others were there for short breaks and emergency placements.
“The wider community has been so important. For example the schools and the looked-after nurse team. Over the years the schools have become more supportive and they have a better understanding of the needs of the children.
“The routine was so important to the day. I loved when the kids were at school and we would all come in at night, sit down and have a meal together and share stories about our day. It was family life. Even with all the issues children bring, you can still have a sense of family life.
“I have kept in touch with many of the young people over the years. This involves telephone contact and messaging. We also regularly have them for dinner and usually have contact at birthdays and Christmas. This changes over time but being available to the young people, particularly those who have been with us on a long term basis is very important.
“Sometimes we won’t hear from them for a while but they usually always get back in touch and know we are there for them, particularly when they are having difficult times.”
Stirling Council provides training and professional development for all foster carers to help them carry out their fostering tasks.
Fostering is often a short-term arrangement lasting a few weeks, but can sometimes be in place for a longer term. Foster carers receive a weekly payment to cover the cost of caring for a child.
Marie Valente, Head of Children and Families, said: “We have a great track record of support to keep children in their communities to be loved with their families.
“But sometimes things get so desperate that children cannot stay with their own family. When that happens they have a right to live with another family and be given the nurture that we all so desperately need. Children tell us that they want to be safe and to know what is going to happen next. They want relationships that are real, loving and consistent.
“They want to stay with their brothers and sisters and continue relationships that are important to them. Foster carers can provide that safety, stability and nurture that children need to thrive.”
Ace*, who lives with his foster carer in Stirling, said: “I like living with my foster carer because she’s funny and makes me laugh.
“I don’t get my Playstation all day but I’m happy here. That’s it. I’m happy. I would say to any other boys or girls going to live with a foster carer, ‘Don’t worry. It’s going to be okay.’”
Stirling Council’s recruitment event takes place on Tuesday, March 28 between 5.15pm-7.15pm at the Raploch Community Campus.
Drop in on the day, call 01786 404040 or email adoption-fostering@stirling.gov.uk for more details. For more info on fostering in the Stirling area, check out www.stirling.gov.uk/fostering.
*Names have been anonymised to protect the child.
