Late-night hosts talked Donald Trump’s IVF comments, his ongoing beef with Jimmy Kimmel and Tim Walz’s vice-presidential debate prep.
Stephen Colbert
On Tuesday’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert checked in on Trump’s campaign rallies, where he continues to take bizarre tangents. In Pennsylvania this week, he criticized Kamala Harris for once working at McDonald’s, and then said: “I’m gonna go to a McDonald’s, and I’m gonna work the french fry job for about a half an hour. I want to see how it is.”
“Good luck with that,” said Colbert, “but you know, even the most physically demanding jobs are easy to do for half an hour.”
Trump played on a rightwing conspiracy theory that Harris never actually worked at McDonald’s, because she didn’t tout it on her legal résumé. “Oh yeah, that is suspicious,” Colbert deadpanned. “I list every job I’ve ever had anywhere. I mean, if you look at my IMDb page, it says Late Show, Colbert Report, Daily Show and Cleaned Erasers for Mrs Brogdon in fifth grade.”
Trump also “went on a weird rant about IVF” amid legal restrictions allowed by a supreme court ruling that he supported. Still, according to Trump, “we want beautiful babies in this country, we want you to have your beautiful, beautiful, perfect baby. We want those babies, and we need them.”
Colbert was momentarily speechless. “That’s just upsetting,” he said. “That sounds like he eats babies, or is he building a baby army, or – wait a second – is he Rumpelstiltskin?”
Additionally, Trump offered a “special” pitch to female voters: “You will no longer be abandoned, lonely or scared. You will be protected, and I will be your protector.”
“Oh, that is the perfect way to appeal to any woman,” Colbert joked. “Fellas, we all know that there’s no better way to start a first date than by saying, ‘Diane, I am your protector. I want to be your protector. You will no longer be abandoned, lonely or scared. I will be with you 24 hours a day, seven days a week, looking at you. I will never let you out of my sight.’”
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, Seth Meyers opened with another weird Trump campaign moment, when the former president brought his five-year-old granddaughter on stage and said ,“she’s beautiful and she’s sweet and she doesn’t know how evil life is.”
“You know, I used to think president was the job he was least qualified for, but now I think it might be kindergarten teacher,” said Meyers, mocking Trump – “We’re going to do our ABCs now, and I have some things to tell you when we get to E. There’s a lot of Es you don’t know about.”
In a post on Truth Social, Trump claimed that he “saved” flavored vaping in 2018 and that he would “save Vaping again!”
“Finally, some good news for that cousin you only see at Christmas,” Meyers quipped.
Ahead of next week’s vice-presidential debate, the transportation secretary, Pete Buttigieg, has reportedly been playing the Ohio senator JD Vance in debate prep sessions. “He’s been getting into character by looking in the mirror each morning and telling himself that he’s going to hell,” Meyers joked.
And a cat that went missing during their owners’ trip to Yellowstone national park was found in California, more than 900 miles away. “That story is pretty unbelievable,” said Meyers. “Who brings their cat on vacation?!”
Jimmy Kimmel
And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel relished more of Donald Trump’s fixation with him, as Trump called him “one of the dumbest human beings ever” on the campaign trail and said he “should’ve listened to his wife” instead of joking about him at the Oscars earlier this year.
“Isn’t that sweet? He’s confusing me with one of his sons again,” Kimmel joked. “You think he’s flirting with me? What is this? When I die, I would like that to be the clip they play at the Emmys In Memoriam montage.
“Should I be worried that Trump is mentioning my wife more times at his rallies this year than his own?” he added. “The Oscars were more than six months ago – he’s still stewing over this joke?”
The joke was simply: “It’s past your jail time.”
“Listen, I know your cognitive abilities are declining faster than the price of Truth Social stock,” Kimmel continued. “So if it helps, I’m happy to send you one of the many products commemorating what I said to you that night” so that “you never forget it again.”
