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Newcastle Herald
Newcastle Herald
National
Helen Gregory

Stars stand with Got Your Back Sista against domestic violence

Madeleine West, Melissa Histon and Jackie Gillies. "The more we talk about it and the more we bring community together that's how we show people domestic violence is not okay," Ms Histon said. Picture by Simone De Peak

HUNTER women who feel trapped in abusive relationships: you are not alone.

That's the message from celebrities who have thrown their support behind Hunter anti-domestic violence charity Got Your Back Sista (GYBS) and its October 16 I Run For Her event, which invites people to walk or run any distance and location to raise awareness and funds to help women and children rebuild after abuse.

GYBS founder and chief executive Melissa Histon said she and producer Annette Hubber invited some of the country's best known faces to add their voices to the cause, with the aim of making a bigger impact and reaching a wider audience.

"I think about our women at GYBS who will see this and say 'Wow, they're speaking out, they're speaking up for me and what I've experienced and saying what I've experienced is not acceptable," she said.

"We put together a list of people who were thought were relatable, that people would see them and be either comforted or inspired by them... we try and do good work in the community and I feel really humbled they've come on board."

Actors Madeleine West and Claudia Karvan and psychic medium Jackie Gillies travelled to Whitebridge on Tuesday to film videos speaking against domestic violence. Actor Ben Mingay has also recorded a video.

"This is an epidemic within our society and one that currently runs riot in silence and it creates fear and shame and that's what perpetuates the cycle," Ms West said.

"Education is key, awareness is key, not just for victims but for the perpetrators to find better ways to manage their own fear, aggression and insecurity.

"Because the reality is it's leaving a legacy for the next generation that this is somehow normal, to make someone feel diminished small and powerless is acceptable, and if we want to usher in a strong brave future and we want a better world for our children we need to be part of the change now."

Ms Gillies said she had experienced emotional abuse in a previous "controlling relationship" that left her momentarily blaming herself.

She said he isolated her from her friends, told her what to wear and that she would be slapped "if you answer back" and once pulled her hair during an argument.

Her sister experienced physical violence in her marriage.

"I think a lot of women feel scared to speak up," she said.

"I think a lot of the time we stay in situations a lot longer than we should and we feel there is no help, no hope, and 'If I do speak up will people actually believe me?'"

Ms Gillies said I Run For Her was a way to stand with women unable to share their stories.

"When you see somebody who has actually gone through what you're going through that inspires people," she said.

"By people out there supporting this cause it shows there is love and support and we want to help you in any way we can.

"It's about trying to reach the silent that need that help, who are praying in their beds and crying every other night going 'What do I do?'

"I believe every human being has a purpose on this earth and that is to collectively help one another.

"Every human being deserves to live their best lives without fear, without judgement."

Ms Karvan said she "welcomed an opportunity to support an initiative that provides great practical help for women leaving abusive relationships".

"Got Your Back Sista is a grassroots charity with a very clear, direct message," Ms Karvan said.

"Women who've suffered domestic abuse often feel great shame and guilt around their circumstances.

"I welcomed the opportunity to be able to show these women support.

"There are so many media reports of horrific, domestic violence cases.

"When I read them I find them deeply upsetting and lending my voice to GYBS feels like a step in the right direction. To be able to contribute to the conversation and encourage people to speak up.

"Obviously, men also suffer domestic abuse, but this charity focuses on women and children who need support."

Ms Karvan said she would participate in I Run For Her.

"It's a fun and gentle way to raise awareness of a disturbing problem within our communities."

Ms West and Ms Gillies said shining the spotlight on a crime that had previously been kept behind closed doors was long overdue.

Research published in The Lancet this year shows more than a quarter of women worldwide have experienced domestic violence before 50.

"People are dying, that's a fact," Ms Gillies said.

"There are still women out there that are being stoned... and lit on fire, it breaks my heart. This is why women are speaking up. They've had it - it's 2022."

Ms West said "the most horrific and cataclysmic things in life thrive in the shadows".

"They thrive in silence... and the key to exposing and understanding is education and conversations. When we share stories, when we share conversations, we don't just better understand our own situation, we better understand how to prevent it happening to others.

"The more we remove the taboos the easier it is to converse about what we're facing and what can seem like insurmountable hurdles - and when we reach that point where a story is shared, the battle is already half won."

Their message for those who felt trapped, as well as those trying to rebuild their lives after violence, was one of solidarity.

"You are not alone, you have nothing to be ashamed of," Ms West said.

"All change is uncomfortable, it's part of our evolution that the way we progress is to go through discomfort.

"Sometimes that discomfort seems insurmountable, but it's frequently necessary and it's never too late for change."

Ms Gillies said abuse was never the victim's fault, but encouraged those considering leaving a violent relationship to think of their children.

"If you're in this situation there is somebody that will listen to you, there is help out there," she said.

"Please talk to somebody you trust... and if somebody doesn't listen to you, speak to somebody else. It's going to be hard and take time to heal, you have to get help from a counsellor or a psychologist, but it's your life [at stake]."

Ms Gillies and Ms West said ongoing work was needed to prevent violence from happening in the first place, through education about respectful relationships, self worth and boundaries, plus culture change.

"We have to show our boys how to treat women," said Ms Gillies, a mother of twin sons.

"Raising your hand or being aggressive is not the answer to anything."

Help: 1800 RESPECT

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