Caring for a sick parent can be both physically and emotionally demanding. Especially for those who act as the primary caregiver, the burdensome task may push them to place their ailing mother or father in a long-term care facility.
A man did just that after receiving no support from his two siblings. What made matters worse for him was that his brother accused him of being selfish when he asked for help.
The author went on a rant online and is now asking the AITAH subreddit if he was wrong for isolating their sick mother. Scroll down for the entire story and reader reactions.
Caring for a sick parent comes with heavy burdens, both physical and emotional
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
A man was accused of being selfish by his brother after he decided to put their ailing mother in a long-term care facility
Image credits: benzoix / freepik (not the actual photo)
The two failed to reach a compromise, as the author’s frustrations mounted
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Being the primary caregiver to a sick parent is a life-changing experience that happens overnight
Image credits: Kiwistocks / freepik (not the actual photo)
The author was in his early 20s when his mother had a stroke. He’d been her primary caregiver for the last eight years of his life, and as he described, he put his life on hold.
It’s the same sentiment for those who did the same for their ailing parents. Toledo, Ohio, resident Eric Stein took care of his mother for 25 years. As he told The New York Times in an interview, his obligations had a negative impact on his professional life.
“I spent very little on myself, and all of my extra earnings went toward her living expenses and care,” he said, clarifying that he would do it all over again if needed.
California native Chace Beech had a much more difficult experience when she decided to take care of her father, who had been diagnosed with brain cancer. She was 25 then, living in New York City and working at a TV network.
In her article for Bon Appetit, Chace described how her life fell apart in one fell swoop. She was forced to resign from her job, and her six-year relationship ended over the phone. To make matters worse, her father’s condition worsened.
“I worry about my parent’s health because I love them. I feel alone on this island of parental anxiety because I can’t bear the thought of losing them,” she wrote.
The author gave up a lot to take on the responsibility of caring for his mother, which his two siblings didn’t have a hand in. His frustrations are understandable.
All children must be involved in the caretaking responsibilities
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Based on his story, the author has a brother and sister who haven’t helped him, and that is where the bulk of the problem lies. According to Psychology Today, these problems can worsen to a point where all siblings go no contact with each other.
Having a dialogue would be step one in resolving the matter. According to WebMD, raising these concerns may give the siblings an avenue to provide support.
“You can suggest that they provide support through periodic visits, emotional support, finances, meals, and appointment scheduling,” an excerpt from the article reads.
The author tried to ask for help from his brother, who began making excuses to escape his supposed responsibilities. He had done his part, and being accused of selfishness for wanting to go on a vacation was unfair.
The onus lies on the two other siblings to take care of their mother and spend more time with her, especially since her condition may only worsen.
Most readers sided with the author
Others shared similar stories
While a few pinned some of the blame on him
