Without mutual respect, your romantic relationship won’t have much of a foundation to stand on. But the problem is that even after spending a lot of time dating your significant other, you might have a blind spot for some of their more problematic red flags, like their overly controlling behavior.
The AITAH online community recently shared its thoughts about a woman who was confused when her toxic boyfriend began making bizarre comments about her long showering habits. He then showed his true colors about how she was supposedly his and should act like it, only to get dumped so fast his head spun. Scroll down to read the full story and an update from the author herself.
Trusting and respecting your partner are keys to a happy and healthy relationship. However, some toxic partners can’t stand their significant others having freedom
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Completely shocked when her controlling boyfriend finally showed his true colors, this woman decided that it was time to put an end to the entire relationship
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: hryshchyshen / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Throwaway_External
There are overt as well as subtle red flags that your significant other might be too controlling. If you constantly feel guilty, insecure, or intimidated, there might be something very wrong with your relationship
Controlling behavior isn’t always incredibly overt, like them bossing you around. It can be subtle, too. As WebMD points out, controlling relationships are based on a power imbalance.
In short, one person dominates their partner through physical, emotional, intimate, financial, spiritual, or psychological means to cause intimidation, insecurity, or guilt.
For instance, a controlling partner might start texting or calling you if you leave your home without them, trying to check where you are and who you’re with. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Some of the most common signs that you may be stuck in a controlling relationship include your partner behaving in the following ways:
- Disliking being excluded from your plans, not wanting you to have a life without them, and not respecting your need for time alone
- Shaming you for spending time with your family members and friends
- Jealousy and frequent accusations of flirting or cheating
- Ignoring your boundaries and checking your text messages, phone calls, emails, social media, or belongings without asking you
- Constantly criticizing you, undermining your confidence, and making you feel self-conscious about your flaws and quirks, whether in private or in public
- Blaming you for their emotions, painting you as the scapegoat, while they play the victim
- Gaslighting you by twisting the truth so you start questioning reality
Controlling relationships can negatively impact you by making you feel isolated from your family and friends, causing anxiety and distress, and making you forgive your partner’s inexcusable behavior.
Broadly speaking, if your significant other makes you feel scared, mistrusted, powerless, and as though you can’t do anything right, something might be wrong. Additionally, it’s worrisome if you feel you have to lie to your partner about where you’ve been and if you feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you.
WebMD suggests bringing up these issues with your significant other, explaining how their behavior makes you feel, and what you would like to change in your relationship. Alternatively, ask for support from your family, friends, therapist, or relationship counselor.
Controlling individuals enjoy micromanaging others and don’t allow them to make decisions for themselves. Meanwhile, their overprotectiveness can be suffocating and unhealthy
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Meanwhile, PsychCentral stresses that another indication that you’re in a controlling relationship is that they micromanage you. In a nutshell, they’re trying to stop you from living your life like you normally would.
They might, for instance, try to control your finances, pressure you to stay at a certain weight, tell you when you can go to work or school, or prevent you from getting medical care or seeing a therapist.
They might also control your daily habits, too. For example, they might check to see what you took from the fridge, supervise what you buy at the grocery store, always ask you about your phone conversations, etc.
Controlling partners also tend to make decisions for you and are overprotective. While it’s, well, nice when someone is attentive or caring, when taken too far, it’s unhealthy for your relationship.
It’s an issue if your partner regularly makes decisions for you. They might take up all of the time in your schedule, drive you everywhere, redecorate based just on their personal taste, or try to change how you dress by criticizing you or buying you outfits.
What’s more, it’s not healthy if your significant other is so protective of you that they get upset if you don’t answer your phone right away. They might also feel jealous of the time you spend with your family and friends.
“A controlling partner may also be on top of your medical appointments, draw a special diet for you, or advise you against a co-worker they don’t like. Any of these behaviors on their own might not mean anything in particular. But if your partner or spouse repeatedly acts this way and won’t take your interests, needs, and opinions into account, they might be trying to control you,” PsychCentral states.
What would you have done differently, if anything, if you were in the woman’s shoes? What are some major relationship red flags that you’re always on the lookout for? In your experience, what are some subtle signs that someone is overly controlling? Share your insights and advice in the comments.
As her story started going viral, the woman shared a bit more information about her situation
The vast majority of internet users were completely on the author’s side and thought she did the right thing by moving on from her partner
Later, the woman shared an update to her story
Image credits: benzoix / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Throwaway_External
She then provided even more context as she interacted with her supportive readers
Folks online were overjoyed to hear that the woman got out of the toxic relationship. Here’s what they said
