Aussie Rules officials put profit before punters with a grand final money-grab.
They duck for cover amid a storm of criticism over an unfair finals system.
The grand final umpire, who is Crapp, is abused by one-eyed supporters.
And the premiership decider is dominated by a hero - or villain, depending on your outlook - whose surname starts with "H'' and ends with "y''.
Sound a bit like the looming 2024 AFL grand final?
In fact, it's the 1899 VFL decider - the only time the Sydney Swans (nee South Melbourne) have battled the Brisbane Lions (nee Fitzroy) for the premiership.
Fitzroy pipped South Melbourne by one point; best-afield was their polarising centre half-back Pat Hickey; in a game umpired by Henry "Ivo'' Crapp.
The 1899 decider was controversially played at the Junction Oval in St Kilda.
Why? So the VFL could pocket the most money from the grand final.
Most preferred the East Melbourne Cricket Ground, adjoining the MCG.
But the East Melbourne folks wanted 33 per cent of gate takings; the Junction Oval - the St Kilda Cricket Ground - wanted only 10 per cent.
The takings were meagre: a crowd of just 4823 spectators turned up - the fewest at a VFL/AFL grand final in history.
They came on a day - September 16, 1899 - when the weather was a Melbourne monstrosity: wet and wickedly windy.
In Fitzroy's 3.9 (27) to 3.8 (26) triumph, no goals were kicked into the wind by either club.
The Sportsman, in an article by "Dropkick'' on September 19, reported: "It was wet and miserable and just the sort of day to justify a man asking everybody he met if the match would be played.
"The Adverse Weather Committee didn't meet. If they had I fancy there would have been a postponement of the match."
Under VFL rules, if minor premiers Fitzroy lost they could have demanded a grand final rematch the following week.
VFL/AFL historian Russell Holmesby noted money may have been the motive for the committee not meeting.
"Cynics said that was because they hoped for a South win so that Fitzroy use their right of challenge as minor premiers and force another game and ensure more revenue for the VFL," Holmesby said.
"It seems that, even 125 years ago, the sceptics believed that the league would seize upon any issue to make an extra pound."
The path to the grand final was also decried: it was the VFL's third season featuring eight clubs, and Fitzroy topped the minor rounds with 11 wins and three losses; South finished sixth with five wins, nine losses.
The eight teams then split into two so-called sectional groups for three more games. Fitzroy and South both won all their three fixtures to reach the grand final.
The Argus, in a September 18 story bylined "Old Boy'', wasn't fond of the money-making module.
"That Fitzroy deserved their victory is apparent, but what a farce it would have been had the Maroons been beaten for the premiership by South Melbourne," Old Boy thundered.
"From a gate money point of view (it) may be all right, but, as a test of strength in a series of games, it is of no value whatever.''
Just before the grand final's scheduled start time of 3pm, South Melbourne committee members went to Fitzroy's dressing-room.
"(They) asked if the Fitzroy people were agreeable to a postponement, but the players of the latter team were not on and the game was entered into," reported The Sportsman on September 19, written by "Dropkick''.
South - with Warwick Armstrong at fullback, some three years before he played the first of his 50 Test matches for Australia as a cricketer - kicked with the wind, scoring 2.3 to 0.1 in the first quarter.
Fitzroy replied with 2.3 to nothing in the second period, and held a one-point half-time lead, 2.4 to 2.3.
In the third term, South mustered 1.4 to 0.2 with the wind and the underdogs were seven points up, 3.7 to 2.6, at the last change of ends.
Fitzroy's centre half-back Hickey was prominent in the final quarter - he's described by Holmesby as "a hard-bitten local ... (his) uncompromising style angered opposition players and fans alike".
"After one game at Collingwood he had been attacked by an umbrella-wielding woman and needed a police escort to get away from Victoria Park," the historian said.
Hickey, roaming forward, launched a long shot that just scraped the top of a goalpost, and for a lengthy stint thereafter South contentiously clung to their lead.
The Age's "Follower'' wrote in a September 18 report: "South Melbourne, having a lead of 1 goal, set to work to maintain it by deliberately kicking out of bounds at every opportunity. After passing over two or three such offences, Crapp endeavoured to check them by penalisation.
"The umpire's task, as may be imagined, was no sinecure; but Crapp was equal to the occasion, regulating the play impartially and well, though, on such an occasion, the supporters of one side and then the other were able to point out 'glaring mistakes', although they were only looking at the game 'with one eye'."
Fitzroy's diminutive Bill McSpeerin then produced a moment of magic for the Maroons, as Fitzroy were nicknamed.
The Argus's "Old Boy" reported: "McSpeerin marked on the behind post. Before South had realised what had happened the Fitzroy rover had whipped round in front and with a beautiful shot got the goal, and put Fitzroy ahead by a point."
After another Fitzroy behind, more drama followed with South's Harry Lampe - who booted two goals and was the only multiple goal-scorer in the game - in the spotlight.
"Lampe took a shot, which seemed to many to be all that was wanted in a kick, the crowd yelled, and several South players turned somersaults in the great joy they felt," The Sportsman's "Dropkick'' reported.
"But they were 'a bit too previous'. The ball had been touched. He had another try later on, and fell short.
"South had made a gallant effort, but it availed them nothing, and the bell sounded with Fitzroy winners by one point."
Hard-man Hickey was unanimously acclaimed best-afield, prompting the potentially local-biased Fitzroy City Press to report on September 21: "We have repeatedly stated that Hickey, during his football career, has done nothing cowardly.
"He is certainly vigorous, and at all times has done his utmost to prevent an opponent passing him, sometimes, possibly, in a manner that some people did not like or agree with, but, on the other hand, a player always has the option of kicking the ball before he reaches an opposing player.
"Hickey has taken without murmuring the hard knocks incidental to the game and in many cases knocks which were most unfair, and if he has rewarded the other side with a few it cannot be wondered at."
The triumphant team, Fitzroy City Press reported, "made merry" with dinner at the house of club vice-president Marcus Clota, before attending a show at the opulent Princess Theatre.
