Siva Kaneswaran is determined to make the final of Dancing on Ice so he can honour his late bandmate Tom Parker in front of his widow and their children.
The Wanted singer says Tom, who was only 33 when he died of a brain tumour last year, is his "guiding light" who he turns to when times are tough as he feels his constant presence.
The Irishman admits he has needed his mate more than ever after battling back from illness to survive the skate-off last weekend on the ITV1 show.
"When I get into a tough situation, I'm really down, or I'm in a difficult spot, I’ll be like, ‘What would Tom do?’" he confesses. "I get the answer I need. I use that as my guiding light."
So what advice would Tom be giving him to boost his confidence ahead of Sunday night's show?
"He would just be like, ‘Go for it, get on with it and do your best. All you can do is your best and leave it to fate’. I’m putting in blood, sweat and tears this week."
Tom passed away on March 30 last year, less than two years after he was diagnosed with the inoperable tumour.
Bandmates Siva, Max George, Nathan Sykes and Jay McGuiness have rallied round to comfort his widow Kelsey and his children, Aurelia, three, and Bodhi, two.
Siva adds: "If I can make it to the final I’d love to do something special for Tom, maybe use one of our songs and invite Kelsey and the kids.
"It’s about making more positive memories. For me, they are like my niece and nephew, you want to make good memories with them. I’d love to have them down to hear our song, maybe see their daddy on screen again.
"Just for them to know their uncle Siva is fighting hard to carry his memory on and celebrate him.
"That’s the plan, it’s whether I get there, that’s the main thing."
Siva admits he is preparing for a new stage of grief as those closest to Tom prepare to mark the one-year anniversary of his death.
The 34-year-old star explains: "It’s wild to me that it’s been a year, it feels like it was only a few months ago. I’m still processing and grieving at times.
"As a band, we haven’t discussed the anniversary yet, but me, personally, I’ll light a candle and put more energy into raising awareness of brain tumours throughout March.
"I know I’m going to feel down about it, but when Tom felt down, he made it into something positive and constructive. I want to do the same."
And Siva has needed that positivity this month after being struck down with a viral chest infection that left him in bed for five days. He was forced to skip a week of the show. He says: "I couldn’t breathe and I got general fatigue. Basically my body just gave up, I couldn’t eat for three or four days.
"I lost nearly a stone. The first day I got back on the ice I was really shaky. My body just wasn’t doing what it was supposed to do.
"I’d lost a lot of muscle mass in my legs and down my back and core. So lifting was out of the question. The doctor and physio on the show have got me loads of vitamins and protein shakes to build my weight back up.
"I’m still not quite there but feeling so much better."
Siva and his dance partner, Klabera Komin, picked up an impressive 32.5 points, their highest score of the series, last week. They still ended up in the skate-off, but beat comic Darren Harriott. They have been having "interesting" rehearsals ahead of tomorrow’s tricky Props Week.
"My prop is an oar," exclaims Siva. "It’s a very large, wooden oar. There’s been mishaps, a few knocks!"
One person backing him all the way is fiancee Nareesha McCaffrey, 38. They will celebrate their 15th anniversary as a couple next month and are planning a wedding this year.
"What’s the secret?" he asks. "I think it’s making sure to plan dates together, have the difficult conversations and be friends before everything else."
And he has the perfect next date lined up. "Nareesha’s a good skater," he says. "So we can carry it on together! Torvill and Dean were like Gods to her when she was growing up.
"I’d say now I’m better than her, which is OK, I can teach her some tricks! She might have to wear a helmet though!"
Dancing on Ice is on ITV1 on Sunday night from 6.30pm.
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