A mum-of-one has asked for advice on whether it's okay to just have one child after her sister called it selfish. The mother said she originally only wanted one, but now worries about her son growing up lonely and struggling to cope when his parents die.
In a post shared on Mumsnet, the broody woman asked for advice on whether her sister's comment was unreasonable. She wrote: "I recently had my first baby, he's lovely. My partner and I said we'd just have one, because we hope to have more time/resources to devote to him; [the] state of the world [and] hopefully less stress.
"However since he's been born I find myself thinking I could do this again (hormones maybe, he's only six months!). I wonder about him being lonely, or what will happen when his dad and I die. I wasn't close to my sister growing up but we are very close now and I'm so glad I have her. I was discussing this with her yesterday and she agrees, but went on to say she thinks it is selfish to choose to have only one child. She has none of her own yet but wants two."
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The mum said she is in her early-30s, while her partner is in his mid-30s. She said she wants to decide what to do before her partner passes the point of wanting a baby. She said: "I have a bit of time to decide...although he reckons he will be too old for another in a few years time. I'm not sure what to think. There's no guarantee siblings would even like one another or get along as adults - I know plenty who don't. But I also know of some who are best of friends."
Although she is considering having more children to keep her son company, the mum said she personally does not think it is selfish to only have one child. She noted there are many reasons why this might not be possible for a couple. You can get more stories like this by subscribing to our newsletters.
"Of course there are very sensitive reasons why people may choose to stick with one - high risk pregnancies for instance," she said. "And of course there is secondary infertility. But in the case where the parents could provide for another child and would be happy with another - is it selfish not to for the sake of their first child?"
At present, on Wednesday afternoon, March 23, the query has received nearly 80 responses from other Mumsnet users. The responses were mixed - some thought having one child was perfectly fine, while others noted benefits of having siblings.
What are your thoughts on this? Let us know in the comments.
One user wrote: "I'm an only child and don't feel as if I've missed out on anything at all. I'm just as happy being by myself as being with others. I honestly can't understand why people think being an only child means you are going to be lonely. I have extremely close friendships with people and have never once felt lonely or wished I'd had a sibling. Don't allow other people to dictate how many children you have, if you are happy with one that is all that matters."
Another said: "I have an only child! Not by choice. She is so so lonely and bored of playing by herself, particularly on family holidays. Lockdowns were hell: she didn’t speak to another child for half the year. I would never deliberately choose to do this to a child...Your sister was blunt, but also she was correct. Deliberately choosing to have a child with no siblings is selfish. You worry about the ‘state of the world’ - well you have a child now and whatever the state of the world is in future - war, climate change etc - looks like she’ll be facing it by herself. I’m sure she’d rather have a sibling!"
While a third wrote: "This is an impossible question - single children will likely think of the benefits only depending on their life stage...siblings will fall into two categories, one where they love their siblings, ones with rivalries, personality conflicts, issues etc. Parents of [a] single child will say it is great financially, they have less stress, can devote more time etc but they don't know how it feels to have another one in the mix really. When you have another, normally, you end up absolutely loving this second child as much as your first, and can't think of life without them."
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