Simon Cowell fought back tears as he recalled his parents’ death - and recounted how he was told his father had died while he was working thousands of miles from home.
The music mogul, then 40, was celebrating Irish band Westlife's first number one single in 1999 when he learned his father, Eric, had suffered a fatal heart attack.
When Cowell called to share his success, his mother, Julie, who died 16 years later in 2015, couldn't bring herself to break the tragic news.
He shared: “I went to Germany for a big conference, I did a big presentation and after some great news I called home. I knew something wasn't right, I could just tell. I think someone said to my mum, ‘don't tell Simon while he is there’.
“I later called back and was told the truth. That flight, it was the longest trip home. It was bad.”
Speaking with Steven Bartlett on The Diary of a CEO podcast, he continued: “I thought my parents were going to live forever. The hardest thing about losing your parents is that you can't think of them after. It's too hard.
“I would have swapped all my success to keep him around. They were my best friends, I told them everything. It's like how I feel for Eric, it's pure love.
“I can sit here honestly – everyone says, when you lose them, in time it’ll get better. You think, “no it won’t”. The truth is, it does, as long as you believe, and you have to believe that their presence is still there with you.
Overcome with emotion, the Britain’s Got Talent judge then asked the host to give him a moment to compose himself, saying: “And erm, oh gosh… you have to give me a minute.”
Cowell added that he often feels his late parents’ support with him, explaining: “My mum so wanted me to have a kid. She got to meet Eric. She gave him a brown blanket.
“He was two or three when she passed away and he said to me one night and said looking up to the sky, ‘I'm thinking about grandpa Eric and grandma Julie’. I thought, ‘why would you say that?’ It was at that point I recognised that they were still with us. It's not a total loss.”
Later in the interview, the TV judge spoke about a dark period in his life before the birth of his son Eric in 2014, named in tribute to his late father.
He shared: “I’ve really, really enjoyed every successful moment of my career, even when things haven’t gone quite to plan, there’s still a story or something to learn from it.
“That combined journey versus the devastation when you lose someone, it really is meaningless.”
“Everything meant nothing at that point, I was desperately unhappy,” he added, describing himself as “a vampire” working until 7am and waking up at 2pm daily.
He continued: “Without question [my son Eric saved me]. I really really had reached the point where nothing matters. I almost can’t even remember everything from that period. It hit me so hard.
“The hardest thing was being on television as well, because I’m like, I feel like a clown. I’m dying inside, and yet I’ve still got to do what i’m being paid to do as best as I could.
“But I put on a tonne of weight, I was eating just junk. Had I got hit by a bus the following day – I’d be dead, but I wasn’t worried about anything like that.”
Cowell, who admitted he still struggles with depression, also clarified that although he never considered suicide, he felt indifferent about the possibility of something tragic happening to him.
However, becoming a father transformed his life, even as his mother battled dementia and passed away the following year. He now feels things have come "full circle," as his love for his son Eric mirrors the care his parents showed him.
He added: “It’s how I feel for Eric, just that pure love. They just want the best for you and in return, you feel the same about them.
“It’s how I feel about Eric. Everything starts to come full circle.”
