Whether or not you care about football, odds are you’re familiar with Manchester City’s Erling Haaland. The 6ft 4in striker, highest scorer in the Premier League and Norwegian nepo baby (his father played for Leeds and City), has emerged as the most exciting footballer in the modern game. Able to plunder goals like no other player, at just 22 he’s already racked up numbers that border on comic (a record-breaking 35 goals in 31 Premier League games this season following last night’s win against West Ham) – doing so by moving in the box like an elegant bull in an otherwise robustly defended china shop.
Huge, with bee-stung lips, Thor-like hair and a body forged on cooked liver and blue-top milk that somehow manages to be both wiry and thick, he has also revealed himself to be a snappy dresser. He has appeared on the covers of GQ and Icon magazine, a Zoomer Ronaldo with a weakness for fun Dolce & Gabbana prints, big watches and the sort of conspicuous logos typified by Baden Baden-era Wags. All of which he likes to document on Instagram. Well, he’s got to spend that money somewhere!
