No one wants to be around an overly pessimistic person. Their negativity can bring the mood down and, in worst cases, ruin what should be a joyous, memorable moment.
The author of this story had firsthand experience with his sister-in-law, who constantly complained about how she looked in his wedding photos. It came to a point where the woman threatened to put the couple on blast if they used her pictures on social media.
The man obliged and cropped her out of the photos, causing family drama. He feels he didn’t do anything wrong, but he nonetheless asked the AITA subreddit for confirmation.
A man cropped his sister-in-law out of his wedding photos because she constantly complained about how she looked
AITA for cropping my SIL out of my wedding photos after she said she looked fat?
“My wife (27F) and I (28M) recently got married and it was amazing. The wedding was set on a riverside farm and so we had photoshoots outside on the fields before the ceremony. We started taking photos around noon and my sister-in-law (30F) was one of the bridesmaids.
SIL has always been a negative person since I met her, always trying to make small judgmental comments, while my wife is an incredibly kind person. They have very different personalities, so I never questioned why they aren’t close and assumed that SIL was included in her group of bridesmaids to appease my wife’s parents.
Because SIL and my wife have never been very close, she was at the end of the line of bridesmaids and usually was at the edges of group photos. While taking the photos, SIL was the only person complaining about things like the sunny weather and how her dress was ‘absorbing heat.’ I don’t know much about dresses but it was about 70°F (21°C). Most people in the photoshoot group ignored her comments and it wasn’t an issue for the rest of the day.
We got the photos of both the shoot and the ceremony from the photographer 3 weeks after the wedding. We promptly sent the photos to the people in photoshoot and told them we planned on using the photos on social media. Most people thanked us for the photos but my SIL called my wife and was very angry, yelling that she ‘looked like a fat pig’ in every photo she was in and demanded that we not use any of the photos with her in them.
For context, SIL is bigger than my wife but not to an extreme extent. She doesn’t look unhealthy and I’ve never heard her have body issues before but I admittedly wouldn’t know much about it. In the wedding photos, she really doesn’t look any different from her normal self.”
“My wife tried to reason with her, saying she looks just as pretty as everyone else but SIL did not want to hear it. She reiterated that if we used any photo of her on social media that she would never speak to us again and would ‘put us on blast’ whatever that means. My wife was really hurt by her sister’s outburst and I was very bothered that she thought she could tell us what to do with our special moment.
Here’s where I may be the a**hole: I decided that if she had such a problem, she didn’t need to be in the photos. I cropped her out and posted those versions to social media. I thought it would be fine and it was easy since she was at the edge anyway. After posting, she then called me even angrier than before and accused me of trying to ‘erase her from the memory of the wedding.’
I told her I only did it to accommodate her wishes while also getting to use our own wedding photos. SIL hasn’t talked to us in a week, my wife’s parents are mad at us for upsetting SIL. While my wife is on my side, she thinks I could have been more mature about it. I don’t think I did anything wrong and accommodated her already unreasonable request. So, am I the a**hole?”
credits: Cold_Natural_3955
Certain people may be predisposed to having a pessimistic mindset
The author briefly gave insight into his sister-in-law’s personality, saying she’s always been negative. While he didn’t provide specifics, there’s a chance that the woman may have unfortunately been conditioned to be a Negative Nancy.
In an article for the Innovative Psychological Consultants, psychologist Dr. Chris Anderson attributed pessimism to possible genetic ties. Family upbringing and role modeling may also play a role, especially if the person has been around a negative environment for a lengthy period.
In some cases, traumatic life events may cause a person to embody a glass-half-empty and potentially toxic worldview, which makes them difficult to deal with.
While some research shows the benefits of a pessimistic mindset, like better risk avoidance, its impact on individuals and those around them is more burdensome.
According to author and mental health educator Dr. Elizabeth Scott, too much negative thinking may lead to mental disorders like anxiety and depression, along with reduced ability to handle stress. There may be physical ramifications, as well.
“A negative outlook is associated with a number of other heightened health risks, such as heart disease and overall mortality,” Dr. Scott wrote in an article for Very Well Mind.
Setting boundaries may be the best way to deal with a negative family member
An overly negative family member can be difficult to deal with, especially in the woman’s case, where it’s seemingly been a lifelong problem. Based on the author’s account, it doesn’t look like she’s changing for the better anytime soon.
While trying to empathize would be an option, keeping your distance and setting boundaries could be the best course of action in this scenario. Avoid arguments that would only fan the flames.
“Toxic people will try to draw you into an argument to distract you from the real issues,” psychotherapist Dr. Sharon Martin LCSW told WebMD.
Among the toxic traits Dr. Martin mentioned are making unfair demands, acting entitled, and refusing to compromise, all of which the woman did during and after the wedding. Since setting boundaries may not affect the person much, it is more about your act of self-care.
“Be sure to take good care of yourself physically and emotionally,” Dr. Martin said.
The author’s actions – although harsh – weren’t uncalled for. At that point, he’d been threatened to be “put on blast,” which could tarnish the memories of his special day. It was likely his best option in terms of damage control.
What do you think? Is there anything the author could have done differently?
Many commenters sided with the groom
However, some faulted him and his sister-in-law
