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The Guardian - AU
The Guardian - AU
Lifestyle
Eleanor Gordon-Smith

Should I validate my teen daughters’ concerns or support their father as a co-parent?

Painting: Family portrait by Gillis van Tilborgh.
‘The difficulty is making room for legitimate complaints … without just turning this into a proxy fight’. Photograph: GL Archive/Alamy

Is it more important to validate and empathise with my teens about their difficult relationship with their dad, stepmum and stepbrother; or support him as a co-parent, even though I can see the damage it is doing? I have two teenage daughters, 14 and 16, who have a fractious relationship with their dad and his family. He approaches parenting in an authoritarian way and I can see the negative impact this has on our daughters’ self-esteem and self worth.

They are delightful young people and I am very proud of how thoughtful, intelligent and individual they are – the horror stories of parenting teens are not something that I have to worry about and I have an open, respectful relationship with them. Because of this, they often come to me, together and separately, about the problems they have with their dad, stepmum and stepbrother.

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