Here at ES Magazine, we believe in equality. So much so that two women have put together this survey, and one of them is writing the introduction — and on International Women’s Day. We thought we’d give the guys a brain break after they’ve downloaded all of their thoughts below.
But it is time we put gender and the divisions it imposes on all of us under the spotlight for good now. So, we threw questions out to men — and people who identify as male — all over London, from all ages and backgrounds, to take the temperature on what is really on their minds. And whether it was the fear of political unrest, climate crisis and AI sharpening its elbows to steal their jobs, or the hopes and dreams of having families, achieving greatness, or just getting through the day, they were united in one thing. Masculinity is not a one size fits all, muscles and impact drivers vibe anymore. Men want parity. Men think about sex, but it doesn’t rule their lives (apparently). And men find the fact that they’ve been taught that only men with tufting chest hair and a football season ticket can be seen as masculine a bit stifling.
The word toxic floats to the top of most conversations about masculinity these days, meaning many men felt that being proud to be a man wasn’t the shiny prospect it once was. But thankfully, as these answers attest, Andrew Tate and his ilk haven’t poisoned the well and while our respondents didn’t agree on politics, they were resounding on the fact that we still live in an unequal world and all want this to change urgently.
So, while we might still need to explain that feminism simply means all genders having equal rights and opportunities one last time to the unconverted at the back, London’s men have shown themselves to be thoughtful, vulnerable and open to change — and for that, we’ll give them a little patronising pat on the back to say thank you.
What do men really think about...masculinity?
What does masculinity look like to you?
‘In abstract terms, masculinity to me means stability, brotherhood and courage.’ Fabian, 25
‘I think when most people mention masculinity in today’s world it normally comes after “toxic” and I don’t think that should be the case. Masculinity should not be villainised, as it is so damaging to boys and young men who are trying to navigate it constructively.’ Wilfred, 24
‘If someone is missing the things we’d traditionally think of as masculine, does this make them less of a man? I don’t know how useful the term “masculine” is today.’ Saul, 24
‘I definitely like being a bloke, but I don’t have a very fixed notion of essential masculinity in my mind. Seems to me that in a few generations’ time we might all look back at the idea and wonder what all the fuss was about.’ Joe, 35
‘Patrick Swayze.’ Joe, 27
‘The most manly man I’ve ever known is my grandad.’ Leon, 22
‘Not really ever thought about this. I’m a man and I like football and drinking pints. I have learned since school that masculinity is just whatever a man chooses to do and whoever he chooses to be.’ Josh, 34
‘Masculinity is for me something I embrace as an aesthetic but culturally something to be avoided. I may look butch or masc, but only because I am male so clothes look like that on me. But being macho couldn’t be further from the truth with regards to my personality — nor do I see it as something to aspire to.’ James, 39
‘Masculinity is completely subjective depending on the culture you’re from and our perspective on it relies on how we grow up. To me personally, masculinity isplaying football, it’s being mean, it’s punching someone in the face, it’s working out at the gym until you look like a god, it’s a bald head at 30 and it’s a raw smell that can often be described as divine.’ George, 35
‘Someone who is fully comfortable in how they look and what they wear without caring about what anyone else thinks.’ Mark, 44
‘Tough one, becoming an obsolete concept, but I guess being strong and providing for the family. Wearing socks with shoes.’ Alf, 41
‘To be someone who can be relied upon to be a protector, a giver of advice and a person who will always be there for support as well as standing up for what they believe is right.’ Harvey, 25
‘Jack Reacher.’ John, 74
‘I see it more in behaviour than in appearance. It’s a kind of confidence and a strength which presents itself in times of challenge as well as times of kindness.’ George, 25
‘My mind first goes to big guys, beards, muscles. But that’s more of what you are told to believe when you’re growing up as a guy. I’ve always been “skinny”, painted my nails when I was a teenager and wore stuff that might be considered “girly”. To be honest if someone uses that as a criticism against me with regard to how masculine I am, it tells me more about them than myself. I’m secure and confident as a straight guy.’ Max, 21
‘Somebody with biceps!’ Mahesh, 76
Does gender matter?
‘Absolutely yes.’ Peter, 38
‘Yes, even if you’re trans, non-binary etc, you started out somewhere and you have to deal with that.’ Nick, 56
‘Ultimately, no. But as something that contributes to defining someone’s identity if that’s what’s important to them, yes.’ Ped, 47
‘Men and women are different, getting older and wiser is realising conventional wisdom has its merits.’ Alex, 26
‘I think your experience of gender — whatever form that takes — can definitely have an impact on your life more broadly and your view of the world. But I definitely don’t think gender is a basis on which we should make decisions about how people are treated or where they stand in society.’ Joe, 35
‘No, why would it?’ Leon, 22
‘It shouldn’t, but for now it does because the gender binary has made such a mess of everything. We are now slowly deconstructing it until we realise we’re all unique and deserve love.’ George, 35
What do men really think about...being a man?
Are you proud to be a man?
‘There’s nothing shameful about it, but I wouldn’t go around announcing I’m proud to be a man unprompted.’ Saul, 24
‘What, the treatment of women for millennia, all those wars, all that neeeeever-ending talk about football, you must be joking.’ Nick, 56
‘Of course, I spent a lot of money on this outfit.’ Alex, 26
‘I truly think that most men are, or want to be, positive influences in and on society, but we’re dragged down by a vitriolic few who peddle some really horrible narratives.’ Oscar, 22
‘No strong feelings here really. But I do quite like my calves.’ Josh, 34
‘I am proud to be a gay man. Other than that, I do not feel the male of the human species has done much to make me feel any sense of pride... just shame and embarrassment. And historically white men are the worst. So a resounding no from me.’ James, 39
‘I’m proud to be a human soul that doesn’t hold back from expressing themselves any more.’ George, 35
‘I try to ensure I’m a father — and a man — my son can look to and be proud of. But I am aware of the inherent privilege I have as a (white, straight) male and feel somewhat embarrassed by that.’ Charlie, 40
‘Not particularly — but nor am I ashamed of it.’ John, 74
‘I’m proud to be a human being!’ Roop, 85 ‘Yeah, sure don’t mind it.’ Jasper, 13
‘I feel proud to be a man when I have positive male role models in my life, such as my dad or my mates. On the other hand, I feel ashamed when I see men like Andrew Tate, who believe that their gender makes them better than everyone else.’ James, 24
‘I’m not proud of all men, but I’m proud of the man I am.’ Mike, 31
What do men really think about...the future?
What worries you about the future?
‘Dying before I do anything cool.’ Joe, 27
‘Not being a homeowner, being single for the rest of my life.’ Peter, 38
‘The world my sons will be living in. And whether Arsenal will actually lift the Prem trophy again in my lifetime.’ Ped, 47
‘Inequality scares me. The climate crisis scares me. Declining birth rates scare me.’ Matt, 33
‘People drifting further away from touch.’ Alex, 26
‘Oh you know, the usual stuff. War, famine, fascism, capitalism eating the natural world, climate crisis.’ Joe, 35
‘The world starting to become uninhabitable in my lifetime (or at least the world I know). And lions becoming extinct — absolutely love a lion.’ Josh, 34
‘That the Tories will remain in power. Russia will win over Ukraine, because the rest of the world can never actually agree to solve the Russia problem.’ James, 39
‘Achieving what I expect of myself — knowing that time is ticking and there is so much more I can do.’ Christopher, 37
‘I worry most about the potential of another world war. How we’re not looking after our planet well enough, the effects of plastic in the seas. Effects of social media on children and young people.’ Patrick, 64
‘A deepening environmental crisis I won’t have done enough about for my children, governments callously taking advantage of people’s worst instincts and prejudices for short-term political gain.’ Charlie, 40
‘Putin. My family’s well-being. British governance (or lack of it). Trolling. Policing. Waste. Potholes.’ John, 74
‘I just fear living the same day over and over with regard to work. I don’t want to be in the same job as a cog in a massive wheel for life.’ Max, 21
‘If the leaders are doing okay, then I think we are safe. There may be a third world war because of the situation in Ukraine and Gaza.’ Roop, 85
What excites you about the future?
‘Dying after doing something cool.’ Joe, 27 ‘Being a patriarch and a grandfather.’ Alex, 26
‘That life can be anything I want it to be. We live in a time when there is ample opportunity to go out and grab life by the horns and wrestle it, give it a good go, you know.’ Wilfred, 24
‘Unless anything goes majorly wrong in the next few months, I’m excited about the idea of a Labour government in Westminster, hopefully by the end of the year.’ Saul, 24
‘I’m ecstatic about the idea of a new Loyle Carner album (though he hasn’t even mentioned that as a possibility yet), and there’s a new Ottolenghi cookbook on the way, too, which can only ever be a great thing.’ Oscar, 22
‘Seeing my daughter grow up and becoming a full adult!’ Mark, 44
‘Going to bed.’ Brian, 62
‘There is hardly any excitement left actually.’ Roop, 85
‘Watching my grandchildren growing up, and spending time with them.’ Ramesh, 74
Will robots take over?
‘If we’re not careful, yes. But they might actually be nicer than us, instead of the heartless terminators we fear.’ Nick, 56
‘No, but if they do maybe they will solve the problems us humans are too self- serving and biased to solve.’ James, 39
‘Not as long as we implement proper guard rails. Generative AI can bring about some fantastic opportunities, however bad actors will pose challenges with this powerful technology.’ Patrick, 64
‘I don’t think so, nobody wants to talk to a robot.’ Alf, 41
‘AI is coming, for sure. But I don’t think we’ll ever replicate everything human creativity and contradiction provides.’ Charlie, 40
‘I don’t think we’ll end up like Will Smith in I, Robot where humans are fighting against a robot revolution, but I do worry we’ll get to a place as a species where we are entirely reliant on robotic technology.’ Harry, 26
‘Some day, yeah, maybe. But they’ve taken over already. They make cars. People are going to be obsolete.’ Manohar, 78
What do men really think about...style?
Is your sense of style important to you?
‘It’s all I have.’ Joe, 27
‘Happy it’s still jumper-and-jeans weather. I’ve really upped my jumper game this year. Plus, I look terrible in T-shirts.’ Matt, 33
‘I’ll let you in on a secret — people say I’m stylish, but I never feel stylish. I’ve resolved to stick with my “divorced dad” attire — never goes out of style.’ Ben, 22
‘I think a lot of men get to a certain age and stop thinking about the way they dress. I don’t want that to happen to me. I like having a sense of personal style.’ Joe, 35
‘Style is what you look like when you haven’t thought about what to wear, so yes.’ Alex, 26
‘Lol no. I dress like a rural priest.’ Josh, 34
‘I enjoy style, but like a lot of men, I become too settled wearing what I feel comfortable and presentable in. I am currently stuck in a shacket-led uniform.’ Charlie, 40
‘Yes. Especially grooming. I like to be neat, tidy and presentable.’ Mahesh, 76
‘Yes! Less so these days, but I think looking good is important.’ George, 26
‘I’d love to say I don’t but I massively do hahaha.’ James, 24
‘No, but I know what I like and I take that seriously — so maybe I do.’ Tom, 39
Describe your sense of style
‘Effortlessly cool, like James Dean or Donatella.’ Alex, 26
‘Tired, unknowing and unconfident.’ Josh, 34
‘It’s been described as “Mormon” and like the “Aardman Hugh Grant” but I love my sneakers, so I guess, English preppy with a splash of streetwear? Mike, 31
‘Sort of a preppy, Antwerp Six inspired look that’s watered down for north London pubs.’ George, 26
‘Christopher Walken meets Paddington Bear.’ Nick, 56
‘Fifteen per cent Japanese schoolgirl, 15 per cent disgraced children’s entertainer, 69 per cent Seth Cohen, 1 per cent Pee-wee Herman.’ Joe, 27
‘Right now, very Nineties, Y2K vibe.’ Leon, 22
‘I like quite classic mid-20th century stuff: slim lines, simple tailoring, boots, jackets, horizontal stripes. I’m always happy in a suit.’ Joe, 35
‘Questionable.’ Jasper, 13
‘Monochromatic sportswear chic... but I am also heavily inspired by vintage aesthetics: 1950s for smart attire and 1970s and 1980s for more exciting looks.’ James, 39
‘Cool, relaxed, simple. Friendly but firm.’ Ramesh, 74
‘Teacher cool.’ Thash, 41
What do men really think about... sex?
How often do you think about sex?
‘Twice as often as I ride over speed bumps on a Lime bike.’ Alex, 26
‘Constantly.’ Joe, 27
‘Not that often. It would be as futile as fish thinking about Shakespeare.’ Nick, 56
‘Usually I think of it daily or at least every other day. I’ve been a little stressed and down lately so not quite as much.’ Fabian, 25
‘I couldn’t think of anything worse than a student or parent reading my answer to that question, so I think I will have to (ironically) abstain from answering.’ Oscar, 22
‘Depending on the situation (or who is around), probably every few hours.’ James, 39
‘About as much as the Roman Empire.’ Harry, 26
‘Thirty-three times day.’ Brian, 62
How important is sex to you and could you live without it?
‘Sex becomes less important the more secure you are in a relationship — I would rather have someone by my side who understands everything about me than someone who I couldn’t keep my hands off.’ Christopher, 37
‘I’ve taken a mostly vanilla approach all my life. But recently, it’s more rum and raisin — and basil.’ Matt, 33
‘I couldn’t live without friends, travel, my therapist — but I could probably cope without sex. Hang on, what about wanking?’ Ben, 22
‘If importance was measured by the height of a horse, I’d say sex is around the mane area. Not the tip of the ears, but up very much up there.’ Josh, 34
‘I don’t think I could live without sex, so I suppose it’s very important to me.’ Joe, 35
‘As a gay man, who I have sex with has historically been a point of oppression and persecution, so as a matter of principle sex is very important to me. People who do not get enough sex no matter the reason are unhappy and unhappy people are at the root of all evil.’ James, 39
‘Sex is pretty ace, I don’t think I’d like to live without it.’ Alf, 41
‘It’s important but I could live without it. With difficulty.’ Harvey, 25
‘Sex is good for the mind, body and soul. I could live without meaningless sex however.’ Harry, 26
What do men really think about...politics?
Do you have a good idea who you’ll vote for this year?
‘Yes and I just hope the Tories are served their sorry arses up on a plate.’ Ped, 47
‘Green.’ Joe, 27
‘Mainstream parties are basically forcing me to go full communist revolutionary at this point.’ Matt, 33
‘Yes, Labour for better or worse. Hopefully Keir Starmer is just pretending to be vanilla boy and has some hidden tricks up his sleeve.’ Nick, 56
‘Reform UK.’ Alex, 26
‘I’ll vote Labour. I don’t love the current leadership, but we need the Tories out. Not very inspiring, I know.’ Joe, 35
‘I suppose so, but reluctantly and fully aware that I am contributing to the further demise of civilisation.’ Josh, 34
Does our political system work?
‘I think it would be much better if we had proportional representation and an elected House of Lords.’ Peter, 38
‘No. I’m a believer in democracy but there should be a vetting system in place on who is qualified to vote (see Brexit).’ Ped, 47
‘Nope, too many people only get to vote for politicians they don’t really like, and that’s the limit of their choice.’ Nick, 56
‘What political system?’ Alex, 26
‘No because it is set up to favour the wrong people and run by politicians who by their very definition are not to be trusted.’ James, 39
‘There’s work to be done to make our government and our institutions more democratic. I think a break with capitalism will be necessary to effectively respond to challenges like the climate crisis.’ Joe, 35
‘Yes and no, we have a functioning democracy but it’s outdated and full of leeches.’ Alf, 41
‘Absolutely not. Just look at how decisions are made and imposed on us — 20mph speed limits, LTNs, sewage discharge quotas into our rivers and seas, overloaded resources (housing, NHS), plus none of the political parties ever deliver on their promises. I don’t think taxpayers get enough say in how their money is spent and the politicians just squander it.’ Patrick, 64
‘Yes, and no. Every political system is up to its neck in corruption. The US is f***ed, the UK is f***ed... A lot of work could be done to improve it, but at the end of the day money is power and the little guy generally gets the brunt of it.’ Nic, 25
What do men really think about...equality?
Have we achieved equality?
‘We have in many areas, however there is always more to do. Applies to males and females.’ Peter, 38
‘Nope, we need to bring men down a few pegs. We’re way too full of shit still.’ Nick, 56
‘We won’t in our lifetimes.’ Joe, 27
‘I don’t think we’re there, but I have to believe it’s possible.’ Joe, 35
‘Equality can never be achieved under the tyranny of the oppressor; society is built on capitalism and inequality is a trillion-dollar industry.’ Christopher, 37
‘No, I don’t believe we have as shown by gender pay gaps and proportional lack of women in senior positions. I do believe we will but it will be another generation.’ Mark, 44
‘I think this isn’t specific enough: equality can refer to so many different intersecting differences like race/ gender/religion/sexual orientation. But taking all of those together I’d say we aren’t there. I do what I can in small ways to make things better, but as one person I feel my impact isn’t exactly going to change the world.’ Max, 21
‘I don’t think so. From the beginning you see humans beings have never had equality. I personally think women are more clever than men, but they are never given a fair chance.’ Roop, 85
Do you view yourself as a feminist?
‘The only answer here is yes, but you know, I’m sure I get things wrong. I try my best.’ Josh, 34
‘To be honest I’ve lost track of what being a feminist actually means as it seems to change weekly, and I guess it is also something that changes from person to person. I simply just try and treat people how I would want to be treated if I were in their shoes, whether they are men, women or non-binary — it doesn’t matter.’ Wilfred, 24
‘Without a doubt. I think anyone who says men and women are truly equal is kidding themselves or just really stupid, and if we’re looking to address inequalities to make the world a fairer place for all, balancing the gender inequality scales is a good place to start.’ Oscar, 22
‘Definitely. I think it’s a shame the way this term has been called into question, especially when you consider all the bravery and hard-won victories of the feminist movement.’ Joe, 35
‘I do consider myself a feminist to the point that I believe women are far more capable and should be in charge of government as women are not fuelled by ego and a thirst for power in the same way men are.’ Josh, 39
‘Sort of, I still believe there is much more to be done to support women to manage their careers around having children.’ Patrick, 64
‘Can a man be a feminist?’ John, 74
‘Yes. You unfortunately don’t have to look far to see men making decisions about women’s rights, and their bodies. Look at El Salvador, there are countries right now where abortion is illegal, it’s criminal.’ Harry, 26
‘No. The term is a bit extreme. I am an ally of women, though I try to support everyone equally.’ Nic, 25
What are you thinking about right now?
“Manchester United becoming shit” Balazs, 20
“That Kermit has outlived many of his puppeteers” Sen, 43
“Kate Moss, always”Lozza, 28
“Formula 1, Gaza, the Roman Empire” Fabian, 25
“Why sarsaparilla isn’t more popular” Oscar, 22
“The pressure to propose” Adam, 36
“Food... steak” Dan, 34
“Wondering if my photoshopping is better than Kate’s. It’s not” Robbie, 33
