20. Bimbo Jet – El Bimbo (1974)
Shuffling French Euro-disco with vocals in Spanish and a melody line worthy of a John Barry spy thriller theme, El Bimbo might be the apotheosis of the 70s “holiday hit”, brought back from the continent as a souvenir like the musical equivalent of a straw donkey. Still, far better than 1974’s other big holiday hit, Y Viva España.
19. O-Zone – Dragostea din Tei (2003)
It wobbles unsteadily along the line that separates catchy from infuriating, but Dragostea Din Tei remains the UK’s only ever hit in Romanian. It was perhaps best the lyrics stayed that way: a translation into English reveals they’re either nonsense, or – according to one imaginative online interpretation – about ejaculation.
18. Severine – Un Banc, un Arbre, une Rue (1971)
Non-English-language Eurovision winners were seldom UK hits, but you can see why the public made an exception for Un Banc, un Arbre, une Rue: it sounded like a Francophone take on the kind of British bubblegum pop made by White Plains, Butterscotch and the original Brotherhood of Man that was huge in the charts around 1970-71.
17. Sash! – Encore une Fois (1997)
On which a production team from Viersen, near Monchengladbach, contrived a clever melding of two big late-90s dancefloor trends: the music is audibly inspired by the trance-tinged “epic house” of Faithless and the vocal hinted at the emergent French touch scene – although Daft Punk would doubtless have beheld the results avec horreur.
16. Falco – Rock Me Amadeus (1985)
A German-language tribute to Mozart is a curious idea for a UK No 1, but to give him his due, Falco threw every then-hip pop sound imaginable at Rock Me Amadeus: it’s got slap bass, “n-n-n-Nineteen” stammering vocals, and Fairlight-sampled bangs. Also: earworm chorus.
15. Enigma – Sadeness Part I (1990)
Mind you, in terms of weird No 1s, Sadeness Part I takes the biscuit: a Café del Mar-friendly chill-out track featuring synthesised pan pipes, Gregorian chanting, Soul II Soul drums and a whispering French vocalist alternately begging to be dominated by the Marquis de Sade and discussing his “gospel of evil”.
14. Alizée – Moi … Lolita (2000)
File under “different times”. Without wishing to sound like one of those woke warriors GB News get so upset about, it seems doubtful that a 16-year-old singing about being “a schoolgirl under tight blue jeans” with “a mouth that doesn’t tell my mother” would fly today, fabulous melody and massive chorus notwithstanding.
13. Rammstein – Keine Lust (2005)
The pick of the German industrial metal band’s brief run of UK chart hits, Keine Lust sounds like glitter beat-fuelled glam rock on steroids. Extra points for the video, which picks up on the song’s theme of fame-induced ennui and runs with it, featuring the band in “fat suits” surrounded by limousines.
12. Françoise Hardy – Tous les Garçons et les Filles (1962)
Hardy undoubtedly made better records than her biggest British hit after she wrested creative control of her career – her eponymous 1971 album is a masterpiece – but Tous les Garçons … has a wispy charm of its own: a measured, coolly Gallic take on an early 60s pop ballad.
11. Sigur Rós – Hoppípolla (2005)
Forget its period of ubiquity as a TV soundtrack for nature programmes and triumphs on The X Factor alike: Hoppípolla – partly in Icelandic and partly in Sigur Rós’s own made-up language of Hopelandic – is a brilliant track, its triumphal orchestration spiked with disorientating reverse-tape effects and Jónsi Birgisson’s melancholy vocal.
10. Two Man Sound – Que Tal America (1979)
A veritable European union – German producer, Belgian musicians, vocals in Spanish – Que Tal America is subtle, slinky Eurodisco: a huge underground club track in the US, a minor UK hit – its progress perhaps stymied by an excruciating Top of the Pops performance – and subsequently sampled on umpteen house tracks.
9. Vanessa Paradis – Joe le Taxi (1987)
Paradis’ greatest single is her effervescent 1992 Motown pastiche Be My Baby: alas, not eligible for this list because its lyrics are in English. But her breakthrough Joe le Taxi is still pretty great: “Blow me down, a French record that’s not crap,” offered Smash Hits’ single reviewer in response to its atmospheric charms.
8. Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin – Je t’aime (Moi Non Plus) (1969)
As with Françoise Hardy, Gainsbourg made many infinitely better records than his biggest British success but never mind: bask instead in its lyrical weirdness, its Salvador Dalí-inspired title, the contrast between the music’s almost church-y grandeur and Birkin’s panting moans, and the controversy it all caused, the latter much to its author’s amusement.
7. Stromae – Alors on Danse (2010)
Belgium isn’t particularly noted for its contributions to hip-hop, but Stromae’s Alors On Danse – a vocal that’s insouciant to the point of sounding contemptuous, monolithic synth, nagging sax hook – nevertheless became the most-played Francophone track in the world in 2010, provoking a Kanye West remix and a cover by – zut alors! – Pitbull.
6. Nena – 99 Luftballons (1984)
The 80s hit 99 Red Balloons started life in German before being translated into English (99 Luftballons appeared on the UK 12-inch and on Nena’s eponymous UK debut album): both ways, it welds Blondie-ish pop-punk sparkle to a very 1984 sense of nuclear paranoia.
5. Air – Sexy Boy (1998)
Air’s debut album was largely in English, but title aside, Sexy Boy stuck to their native French. It still sounds amazing – alternately sleazy and spacey electronics behind a lyrical critique of unattainable beauty standards that’s more relevant in the Instagram age than ever. Ironically, it frequently ended up soundtracking TV footage of male models.
4. Trio – Da Da Da Ich Lieb Dich Nicht Du Liebst Mich Nicht Aha Aha Aha (1982)
A fabulously off-kilter pop song: lyrics in German and English lyrics, rhythm and keyboards provided by a toy synthesiser, no bass, oddly menacing vocal. It provoked an excellent Top Of the Pops appearance, during which Trio looked bored rigid, stopped miming in order to light cigarettes and mocked England’s recent ejection from the World Cup.
3. Plastic Bertrand – Ça Plane Pour Moi (1977)
Sometimes ersatz beats the real thing, and so it was with Ça Plane Pour Moi: Belgium’s Plastic Bertrand was clearly an opportunistic chancer, the song was intended as a pastiche, but, as Joe Strummer once noted, the result was “a lot better than a lot of so-called punk records”.
2. Kraftwerk – Autobahn (1974)
You could have easily have 1983’s Tour de France in this spot – the last truly great Kraftwerk track – but let’s plump for the first full flowering of Kraftwerk’s genius: a Beach Boys homage, a succession of beautifully simple melodic hooks, the sound of the future, laced with subtle dry wit.
1. Desireless – Voyage Voyage (1986)
Claudie Fritsch-Mentrop was a one-hit wonder: even in her native France, her success as Desireless was fleeting, while Voyage Voyage took two years and a remix to make the UK Top 10. But what a hit. Voyage Voyage was one of the great pop singles of the 80s: epic, soaring, sophisticated and atmospheric, it pulled off the feat of sounding ineffably moving even if you couldn’t understand a word of the lyrics. It was an unrepeatable coup – Fritsch-Mentrop had a fantastic voice and an incredible, androgynous image, but what she didn’t have was another song anywhere near as good as Voyage Voyage. Sometimes, one song is all you need.
