In marriage, it's all about being on the same page. Will you purchase a home in the suburbs, or rent a condo in the city? How many children will you have, if any at all? What values are most important to you? There are many important topics to discuss and align on (or at least compromise on) if you want your marriage to stand strong against the pressures of time.
But one area many couples struggle to agree on is money. Whether that means how to spend it day to day, or what goals to start saving toward, disagreement in this area can spell disaster for even the best relationships.
If you’re having a hard time getting your spouse to engage in financial discussions or get on board with the financial plan or goals, the experts of Kiplinger Advisor Collective are here to help. Below, they offer up their top tips for how couples can approach financial alignment in a way that will strengthen their relationship for the long term.
Involve them in the planning process
“In marriage, a financial plan must represent both partners' goals, so it's important to involve your spouse in the planning process. Seek their perspective on what your future life should look like. Visualizing your goals — like where you might live or travel to when retired — will enable you to align goals and get your spouse on board with a budget and savings plan.” — Andrea Woroch, Woroch Media Inc. / Andrea Woroch
Implement 'money date nights'
“Start a ‘money date night’ where both of you review your finances together in a relaxed setting. Use this time to discuss goals, listen actively and align on priorities. Establishing regular, open conversations about money fosters understanding and collaboration, ensuring both partners are invested in achieving shared financial goals. I currently practice this with my partner, and it's very helpful!” — Amrita Choudhary, Wasabi Technologies
Seek help from an objective third-party
“Financial planning is a very personal matter and should be personalized for each family's situation. You sometimes may need an outside third party to objectively counsel and work through your relationship with you — the same applies to your financial life. Seek advice from an outside financial professional (a fiduciary) who can be objective and apply their knowledge without emotion tied to it.” — Shawn Maloney, Retire Wise, LLC
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Work as a team to build trust
“Have the hard conversations about money and keep having them. Issues around money are some of the toughest challenges in any partnership. I am seeing a trend where young people keep their finances separate from each other. When times get tough, and they will, this lack of trust will put immense pressure on the relationship. Talk about money and build a habit of joint financial decision-making.” — Elizabeth Graham, Riggs Asset Management Co., Inc.
Do your homework
“It's hard to be in a marriage if you are hiding something or fooling your spouse. You both need to be on the same page. Work to convince your spouse about the merits of certain investment assets, and do your homework on how you can convince your significant other why you need that asset to hedge your shared portfolio.” — Zain Jaffer, Zain Ventures
Lead with empathy
“Approach the conversation with empathy, asking your spouse for their thoughts on the financial plan. Present your perspective and use a simple pros and cons assessment to evaluate both views together. This encourages trust and ensures you both feel heard. By working as a team and making joint decisions, you strengthen the relationship and align your financial goals.” — Jabin Geevarghese George, Tata Consultancy Services Ltd.
Ensure open lines of communication
“I would recommend making sure the lines of communication are open. Sit down with one another and have an honest conversation about each person's financial goals and concerns, really trying to put each other in the other person's shoes. This will help you empathize and understand each other. Doing that helps achieve mutual understanding.” — Bob Chitrathorn, Wealth Planning By Bob Chitrathorn of Simplified Wealth Management
