THURSDAY
MITCHELL Pearce is unsurprisingly in no rush to return from the south of France to lend the Wests Tigers a hand in their forlorn quest to avoid a second straight wooden spoon.
'I'm contracted to Catalans," Pearce tells News Corp in a text message.
"We are top of the table and I want to win a comp in Super League. That's pretty much it."
Oh well, I guess there's no harm in asking.
I reckon it's a bit of a shame, to be honest. There'd be something pretty magical about Mitchell emulating his famous father Wayne "Senior Junior" Pearce and having a run with the Tiggers.
Of course, he'd need to wear electrical tape around the melon, some massive shoulder pads and a pair of shorts two sizes too small to make it authentic. If that didn't inspire the Tigers to lift their game, then they are officially beyond salvation.
FRIDAY
SEVEN Days would never have picked Victor Radley as the sharpest tool in the shed.
Indeed, the "Inflictor" has sometimes given the impression that it's a waste of time asking him to undergo a head-injury assessment, because there's not a lot to assess.
But don't judge a book by its cover, according to Chooks coach Trent Robinson, who reckons Victor has an ingrained attention to detail that dates back to his days as an apprentice carpenter.
"He had to get all the lunch orders, so his memory had to be really good," Robinson explains.
"He said he never got a lunch order wrong, out of all the 15 guys on site."
It sounds pretty impressive, until you consider an invention known as the iPhone.
I wouldn't have thought the lunch boy had to be Einstein to get his work colleagues to text him their orders, and then relay that information over the counter to the staff in Subway.
Meanwhile, in the Friday-night games, I notice tries by Hudson Young, Zac Hosking and Josh King, and a few goals from Nick Meaney.
It gets me wondering who will score the most points this weekend: ex-Knights or current Knights?
SATURDAY
THE current Knights answer the above question in emphatic fashion in a 32-all draw with Manly after a 90-minute golden-point thriller.
Among the faces in the crowd at Mudgee's Glen Willow Oval are Knights legend Matty Johns and his wife Trish, who are there to watch sons Jack (Newcastle) and Cooper (Manly) go head to head for the first time since their backyard-footy days.
It would seem fair to assume a draw is the perfect result for mum and dad.
It's certainly a more equitable outcome than the only time Matty and his younger brother the Eighth Immortal played against each other in an NRL game, when Joey's Knights handed Matty's Cronulla a 52-8 pizzling in 2002.
The trip to Mudgee reminds this columnist of a colts rugby union match I played there a lifetime ago.
My main memory is not of the game, but the boat race back at the pub between the two first-grade teams.
Our mob lined up three guys at the bar, who each had to neck a schooner and tip the empty glass on their heads. Mudgee put up a one-man skolling team, known as the "Beast".
The "Beast" promptly slaughtered his three rivals and won by at least half a schooner. Immediately afterwards, he rushed outside and regurgitated a litre of amber nectar into the gutter.
"That was Fosters. I only drink Tooheys," he fumed.
SUNDAY
THESE are tough times indeed for the Wests Tigers, who remain winless after a 46-12 hammering from the Broncos.
Tigers fullback Daine Laurie, currently on the outer for whatever reason, does his best to provide some moral support by "liking" a try by Brisbane's Selwyn Cobbo on social media.
Coach Tim Sheens decides it's time to start looking on the bright side of life by declaring: "I hope we'll win [against] the bye anyway in a couple of weeks."
I suppose the Tigers will start favourites, given that the bye has no players and has never won a game at any level. But I wouldn't bet my life savings on it.
MONDAY
KNIGHTS fullback Lachlan Miller is attracting scrutiny for what the News Corp media label "the most embarrassing non-attempt at a tackle ever".
Miller apparently lost his bearings and allowed big Haumole Olakau'atu to score the first try of the game at Mudgee without laying a hand on him.
I'd suggest this should provide the NRL's concussion experts with food for thought. Let's face it, there would be far fewer players getting knocked out if defence was optional.
TUESDAY
MATTY Johns might have been a proud father after watching his sons do battle in Mudgee, but he doesn't let his heart rule his head.
This week he's tipping the Warriors to beat the Knights, and the Pennies to beat Manly.
WEDNESDAY
WESTS Tigers are forced to redesign their Anzac Day memorial jersey after embarrassing revelations that it features an image of American soldiers.
Oops. Slight oversight.
Obviously a more appropriate picture on the Tigers' kit would be of troops waving a white flag and looking shell-shocked as they surrender.
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