Seth Meyers
Seth Meyers checked in on alarming results from state primaries this week, such as the victory of Mark Finchem as the Republican candidate for Arizona’s secretary of state. Finchem, who has been endorsed by Donald Trump, has ties to the far-right extremist group known as the Oath Keepers and was in Washington for the January 6 insurrection.
“This is insane. We can’t let a guy who wanted to overthrow the last election oversee future elections,” said Meyers.
“We need to stop these people now,” the Late Night host added, “which is why it is encouraging to see the justice department stepping up its investigation of the coup attempt.” Investigators reportedly asking witnesses about Trump as part of their investigation and a grand jury – it’s unclear which one – has subpoenaed the former White House counsel Pat Cipollone, a member of Trump’s inner circle.
“It’s not a good sign when you get subpoenaed by a grand jury and you don’t even know which grand jury,” said Meyers. “Most people, if you got called to federal grand jury, you’d be like, ‘Oh, I know what this is about.’ But these guys are like, ‘I’m sorry, can you be more specific? I’m under a lot of investigations right now.’”
Looking at primary races from this past week, Meyers concluded that “the GOP’s slow-moving coup is still happening as we speak. If election deniers win races in swing states like Arizona, Michigan and Pennsylvania, they will absolutely use their power to ensure that no Democrat can win an election in those states ever again. It’s not about election integrity, it’s about power.”
Stephen Colbert
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert checked in on a heated Senate matchup in Pennsylvania between the Democratic lieutenant governor, John Fetterman, and disgraced TV doctor Mehmet Oz. Fetterman is leading in the polls, “which might be because Pennsylvanians want to have a senator who’s actually from Pennsylvania”, Colbert noted, as Oz lived and voted in New Jersey as recently as 2020.
Fetterman “has gone full troll on Oz’s Garden State ass”, by starting a petition to add Dr Oz to the New Jersey hall of fame. “If inducted, he would join such luminaries as Bruce Springsteen, Tommy from the song Livin’ on a Prayer, and the word ‘gabagoo’,” joked Colbert, a New Jersey resident.
“Speaking of absolute frauds, you can’t trust everything you see on the internet,” Colbert continued, pointing to misinformation around the discontinuation of the Choco Taco. One headline claimed the frozen dessert was “cancelled by woke mob after almost 40 years” following “recent allegations of cultural appropriation”.
“Please, if the ‘woke mob’ had cancelled the Choco Taco, I’m pretty sure the Choco Taco would have its own standup special on Netflix,” Colbert quipped. Outcry over the story forced parent company Klondike to issue another statement reiterating that the cancellation was due to “unprecedented spike in demand” that forced “tough decisions to ensure availability of our full portfolio nationwide”.
“You see, it was’t wokeness. Just normal business reasons,” said Colbert. “They had so much demand for their product line, that to keep up they had to eliminate the Choco Taco and all of its popular toppings, like tableside Choco-mole.” Klondike eventually reversed course and announced it would not end the Choco Taco.
Trevor Noah
And on the Daily Show, Trevor Noah reacted to an interview in which the Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers said a retreat on the psychedelic drug ayahuasca led to the “best season” of his career. “Wow, OK. Do you understand how big this is, people?” Noah said. “Aaron Rodgers just said, ‘Yo, I took drugs, and that’s part of the reason I crush the game.
Don't get confused, Aaron Rodgers wasn't on ayahuasca WHILE he was playing, but…kind of wish he was? pic.twitter.com/HOl8DtKx7N
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) August 5, 2022
“That just shows you how much times have changed,” he added, “because you remember back in the 90s, they’d bring someone like Shaq on TV to be like, ‘Remember kids, I’d rather kill myself than get high on marijuana, don’t do drugs!’”
To be clear, Rodgers wasn’t playing football while tripping on ayahuasca, “although I kinda wish he was”, said Noah. “I’d love to see what kind of plays a quarterback would think of while they’re on the journey, you know?
“If we had more time, we could talk about how great it is to see people like Aaron Rodgers normalizing conversations around whether we can use psychedelics to improve people’s mental health and cure them from addiction,” he continued. “But unfortunately, we don’t have the time, because speaking of addiction, the Choco Taco is back.”
As in, Klondike announced it would no longer discontinue the Choco Taco after widespread outcry. “The fans brought it back,” said Noah. “This is the kind of passion you normally only see in the Beyhive or the BTS army.”
