Seth Meyers
Seth Meyers celebrated a victory for reproductive rights in the US a month after the supreme court overturned Roe v Wade, as voters in Kansas overwhelmingly decided to keep abortion protections in its state constitution. The defeat of a referendum to remove said rights from the constitution, 59% to 41%, was “especially encouraging”, said Meyers on Wednesday’s Late Night, “given that anti-abortion activists used every shady tactic they could think of and still lost”.
The wording of the referendum was “intentionally confusing”, Meyers explained, reading the vague paragraph out loud. “Wow, I can’t believe they hired the same guy who wrote the iTunes user agreement,” he joked. “I hope voters were given the options yes, no, and da fuck?
“That reads like the intro to a college paper you start writing at 3am the night before it’s due.”
Moreover, “Kansas voters saw through the bullshit and overwhelmingly backed abortion rights,” despite misleading text messages from a GOP group. The night before the election, the group sent voters a text that said: “Women in KS are losing their choice on reproductive rights. Voting YES on the Amendment will give women a choice. Vote YES to protect women’s health.” (Voting yes would do the opposite.)
“You know, as a general rule, if your best strategy is to try to trick people into accidentally voting for you, that’s probably a sign that you’re the bad guys,” Meyers said. “It’s like, if in order to get people to watch this show online, we made the title of every YouTube video ‘click here for free boner pills!’
“Last night was both a promising sign of progress in the fight to safeguard abortion rights on the one hand, and a perfect case study of what the GOP has become on the other hand,” he concluded.
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert also delved into the Kansas referendum on the Late Show, calling the 59% to 41% decision “kind of shocking, the scale of that victory. That’s just not a win. That’s a Kans-asskicking.
“And may I remind you, Kansas is a state so bright red it looks like me after 30 seconds on the beach,” he added.
“Keep in mind, this blowout happened after a series of dirty tricks from Republicans in Kansas,” he continued. “First, they made the wording of the ballot measure extra confusing, then they sent voters text messages right before the election” that misleadingly equated a yes vote with personal choice.
“They tried to trick them into voting the wrong way,” Colbert said. “This is the most misleading political message since 1952’s ‘I Like Ike … too much to burden him with the presidency – vote Stevenson.’”
In other news, Colbert pointed to a new study that found that eating processed food like ice-cream hurts brain function. “Stop it, science,” Colbert pleaded. “Just stop studying things. This is why people turn against you and start eating horse paste. What’s next? Puppy kisses cause herpes? Exposure to Chris Evans is depleting the ozone layer? Just let us have nice things!”
Trevor Noah
That moment when you're Alex Jones and your lawyer accidentally sends the prosecution evidence that you committed perjury pic.twitter.com/td4aHAhV9r
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) August 4, 2022
And on the Daily Show, Trevor Noah looked into a jaw-dropping moment during the defamation trial of Alex Jones, a far-rightwing commentator and a “guy who makes Donald Trump look like a reasonable human being”. During Wednesday’s hearing, Jones, on trial for defamation after he repeatedly and systematically called the 2012 Sandy Hook shooting a hoax, found out on the stand that his lawyer had mistakenly emailed the prosecution evidence that proved he had committed perjury.
Noah cracked up at footage of a visibly reddened, flustered Jones confronted on the stand with his lies. “He was so shocked, he started turning into every emoji,” Noah said. “At one point he even tried to give himself Covid,” he added, pointing to a moment where Jones coughed on the stand. “Did you see that? ‘Oh, I can’t speak, you know the disease I said is fake? Yeah, I got it, I’ve got it.’
“You know you’re in trouble when the truth chokes you up like an episode of Hot Ones,” Noah continued.
“But you realize, this moment is huge, because it shows that Alex Jones probably committed perjury. Which means Alex Jones lies about stuff,” he joked. “Yeah, I know, that’s shocking, because does that mean … chemtrails from planes aren’t turning the frogs gay? Was that also a lie?”
