Seth Meyers
Late-night hosts dug into more disarray in Congress after House Republicans failed on yet another vote to elect a new speaker. “The House still has no speaker, and for all the Republicans complaints about Biden – he’s too old, he’s too woke – even they have to admit he’s a sentient being who exists,” said Seth Meyers on Late Night. “And the Republicans can’t even deliver that.”
The current frontrunner, Ohio representative Jim Jordan, lost a second vote on Wednesday. “We’re going on two weeks without a functioning House of Representatives and everyone is pissed about it, especially Republicans, who keep admitting that this spectacle is making them look like a bunch of incompetent morons,” Meyers explained before a montage of interviews with fed-up GOP lawmakers.
“It’s bordering on the absurd,” said Steve Womack of Arkansas. “This is petty,” said Austin Scott of Georgia. “This is not responsible,” said Andy Barr of Kentucky.
“We keep playing those clips because they’re the ones saying all the things we usually say about them. They’re doing their own Closer Look about themselves,” said Meyers. “Republicans are making all of our points for us.”
And “it’s not just Republican politicians,” he continued. “Conservative pundits are also mad at them. Not mad at them for nominating an election-denying coup plotter like Jim Jordan, mind you, but for not lining up behind him.” The Fox News host Brian Kilmeade, for example, was caught on a hot mic calling a GOP lawmaker who didn’t vote for Jordan a “dumbass”.
“You know how bad things are for you when Brian Kilmeade is calling you a dumbass?” Meyers laughed.
Jimmy Kimmel
In Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel checked in on Donald Trump’s fraud trial in New York. Trump was “apparently so upset” during proceedings that the judge had to ask him to be quiet. “He was shaking his head, throwing his hands in the air, he was making loud groaning noises – Melania had to leave the room because she was worried he might be in the mood,” Kimmel joked.
Trump also did a “particularly vile thing” after the judge issued a gag order restricting Trump for demeaning members of the court publicly. In response, he posted an article that appeared to dox the New York attorney general, Letitia James, including her address. “He’s such a scumbag you sometimes forget he’s a dick, too,” said Kimmel.
Kimmel then turned to Congress. “It’s been two weeks since Republicans opened the Matt Gaetz of hell and threw away the key,” he said, and they’re no closer to having a speaker of the House.
In his second vote, Jordan lost by an even wider margin than his first attempt at becoming speaker. “But he’s not giving up! He’s going to keep on going till he loses unanimously,” Kimmel joked.
Speaking to the press, Jordan was adamant about his chances of becoming speaker: “We’ve got to have a speaker and it can’t be some deal with the Democrats,” he said. “I mean, the American people don’t want that.”
“We don’t? I do!” Kimmel responded. “The guy who tried to overturn the election all of a sudden cares what the American people want. Interesting.”
Jimmy Fallon
And on the Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon opened with news that following the success of Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour concert film, the K-pop stars BTS will release a concert film to Amazon Prime Video next month. “And if you thought BTS was big before, wait until you hear that Suga is dating Donna Kelce,” he joked, referring to the mom of Taylor Swift’s new beau Travis Kelce.
Fallon also touched on a report that Kris Jenner allegedly wants Prince Harry and the Duchess of Sussex to appear on an upcoming episode of The Kardashians. “That’s great – Britain’s royal family meeting ours,” he quipped.
As for Jim Jordan losing by even more votes on his second vote – “it’s like retaking the SAT and finding out you got dumber somehow,” said Fallon.
And finally, Amazon is now delivering some prescription medications by drone. “You know this is just because Jeff Bezos is too embarrassed to go into a pharmacy for his Viagra,” Fallon joked.
