Seth Meyers
Late-night hosts continued to mock the right’s obsession with Taylor Swift on Wednesday evening, as several conservative commentators peddled baseless conspiracy theories about the pop star. “The conservative movement is so rotted, so intellectually bankrupt, that they have found themselves in a place where they are somehow enraged about a popular singer dating a football player,” explained Seth Meyers on Late Night.
The Fox News host Jesse Watters, for example, said Swift’s romance with the Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce was “cooked up in a lab”, while the ex-presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy called them an “artificially culturally propped up couple” staged for a Biden endorsement.
“Allow me to quote a Taylor Swift lyric when I say: you people are out of your fucking minds,” Meyers retorted. “I’m just kidding – that’s not a Taylor Swift lyric. It’s Seth’s version.
“Seriously, what is wrong with you?” he continued. “This is how much the Republican party has changed: there was a time when a famous singer dating a football player and spending quality time with his family would’ve been their dream.
“They used to elect politicians who were football players, or ones who look like footballs,” he added over a photo of Trump. “I don’t even know who you are any more, Republicans. Seriously, this is like such an innocent all-American thing. They’re kissing on the field after he wins the big game and she’s celebrating with his mom and dancing along with fans, how can you be mad at that?
“Without Taylor saying a word about the 2024 election, they have somehow spun themselves into an elaborate conspiracy theory where mysterious forces are manufacturing her fame in order to set up an endorsement of Joe Biden,” he concluded. “Because only a grand conspiracy would explain why she might prefer Joe Biden over a man who every day behaves worse than any man in a Taylor Swift song.”
Stephen Colbert
“With Trump’s nomination a near certainty, the Maga mob is now turning their focus to their leader’s last remaining political rival: Taylor Swift,” said Stephen Colbert on the Late Show.
According to several sources, Trump was “freaking out” over reports that Joe Biden is seeking an endorsement from the pop star. “C’mon Joe, seeking the endorsement of a pop star? Don’t you think that’s beneath the dignity of the office of Taylor Swift. She has to have standards!” Colbert joked.
Biden’s team has reportedly even considered sending the president to a stop on the Eras Tour. “Oh, that would be fun,” Colbert deadpanned. “I wonder what era he’d dress as. I’m gonna guess Mesozoic.
“Of course, we can’t even fantasize about Joe Biden screaming out the bridge to Cruel Summer without Donald Trump ruining it,” he added. “Because Trump is jealous now,” and privately claiming that he is “more popular” than Swift.
“What?! More popular than Taylor Swift? That is insane. Can you imagine Trump selling out stadiums in Tokyo?” Colbert reacted.
A jokingly self-described “Swiffer”, Colbert defended the pop star against the numerous far-right conspiracy theories attempting to discredit her. “Taylor is one of the few joyful things we have in this country and I’m not going to stand here and let Trump’s TV goons drag her into the hell slop of grievance and hair gel,” he said. “This country dumped Donald Trump and we are never, ever getting back together, like ever.”
Jimmy Kimmel
And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel relished the prospect of Trump being on the hook for as much as $300m in his civil fraud case in New York, on top of the $83.3m he now owes E Jean Carroll after a defamation trial. “Which means somebody is probably about to release a whole new batch of NFT trading cards,” Kimmel joked.
If penalized in the civil fraud trial, Trump could be barred from conducting business in his original home state of New York. “You think getting caught running a fake university would’ve triggered that penalty already,” Kimmel noted.
In a potential bid to distract from the former president’s many legal woes, “Trump’s campaign team has been working on ways to turn their culture warriors against Taylor Swift in the event she decides to endorse Joe Biden,” Kimmel said. “So if you’re a Republican, I guess enjoy her music while you still can before the Ayatollah Complain-y declares a fatwa on her.”
As for Trump’s claim that he was more popular than Swift, Kimmel did not mince words: “If Taylor Swift told her fans to storm the Capitol on January 6, they would’ve succeeded and they would be running the country right now.
“Who is he kidding?” he added. “If Donald Trump held a rally at SoFi stadium here in LA, they would still have enough empty seats to also hold a Taylor Swift concert that night.”
