With Ron DeSantis dropping in the presidential polls and billionaire donors abandoning his campaign, Florida’s governor came to Orlando this week desperate to make a splash.
Boy, did he.
First, he threatened to build a state prison near Disney’s theme parks, giving rise to all sorts of theming possibilities.
It’s a Small Cell, After All.
Princess Jasmine’s Solitary Confinement.
Fast-passes for the chow line with a Genie+ option for extra dessert.
I think criminal convictions in Florida would become peppier affairs. (Hey, convict. You’ve just been sentenced to eight years. Where are you going? “To Disney World … State Penitentiary!”)
But DeSantis wasn’t done. After warning that he could place a correctional facility next to the state’s No. 1 tourist attraction (take that, Visit Florida), he also threatened to impose stricter ride-safety standards.
That’s right, the ultimate smackdown that Team DeSantis came up with in its war on wokeism was to threaten … um … reasonable safety and transparency measures to protect the public. Suck it, libs.
But there’s a catch. DeSantis said the new ride-safety rules would only apply to Disney — the company that dared criticize his “Don’t Say Gay” bill and stopped cutting him campaign checks.
Universal, SeaWorld, Busch Gardens and any other theme park that continues to bow down before DeSantis would apparently be allowed to keep doing their own ride-safety inspections and reports.
Such is life in the “Free State of Florida.”
The problem seems to be that DeSantis, who is popular in Florida, is much less popular nationally and doesn’t know how to handle it.
Donald Trump is pounding on him like a bass drum. Donors are running away. And most mainstream Americans are either confused by or put off by his constant culture-warring.
See, your average American doesn’t believe Mickey and Minnie are trying to turn preschoolers gay or that the Main Street Electrical Parade is a covert Pride operation. They’re not obsessed with drag queens. And they’re not keen on book bans.
Neither, as it turns out, are some big GOP donors.
Over the weekend, Republican megadonor Thomas Peterffy told the Financial Times he was reconsidering his support for DeSantis saying: “I have put myself on hold. Because of his stance on abortion and book banning ... myself, and a bunch of friends, are holding our powder dry.”
See, DeSantis was billed as a less chaotic version of Donald Trump. Instead, he declared thermonuclear war on a cartoon mouse.
If you watched DeSantis’ press tantrum Monday, he almost seemed embarrassed to float his prison proposal. He was trying to describe all the mean things he could do to Disney by messing with their property. But he struggled to get the words out. Here are his verbatim comments:
“And so, you know, it’s like, OK, it’s, I mean, people have said, you know, maybe, maybe have uh, another, uh, maybe create a state park. Maybe try to do more amusement, uh, parks. Uh, Someone even said like: Maybe you need another state prison. Who knows? I mean, I just think that the possibilities are, are, are endless.”
Thanks, Harvard.
In the minds of the governor’s script writers, I think they envisioned this as the ultimate power play. They’d teach Disney a lesson, rev up the base and show every other employer in Florida what happens if they don’t bow down before DeSantis. Instead, he became a punchline.
The ride-safety threat was probably most bizarre. Maybe DeSantis can later claim he was joking about the prison. But to show how serious he was about cracking down on Disney rides, he brought along a prop — Agriculture Commissioner Wilton Simpson, who talked about how much he hated government regulations before vowing to rain down regulations on Disney.
Keep in mind: Consumer and ride-safety advocates have been calling for better measures for years. So have writers at this newspaper. Do you know who has refused to implement those measures? Ron DeSantis and Wilton Simpson. And most Florida politicians from both parties who do the theme parks’ bidding.
The politicians have traditionally argued the parks are capable of regulating themselves. They argue that right after cashing the parks’ campaign checks.
But now that Disney has cut off these guys financially, DeSantis and Simpson are vowing regulations galore — for Disney anyway. Not for Universal or Busch Gardens. The other parks could continue self-policing.
I know there are still many hardcore DeSantis fans in Florida. I’d invite them to try finishing this sentence: I believe Disney should be subjected to serious ride-safety regulations — but Universal, SeaWorld and Busch Gardens should not — because …
The last time I wrote a column calling for greater transparency in ride-injury reports, Universal was featured in two of the grisly anecdotes. One involved an 11-year-old boy’s crushed foot that Universal reported as “foot pain.” Another involved a man who said a spinal injury at Volcano Bay put him in rehab.
But the governor thinks Universal deserves a pass.
Universal, by the way, recently gave Florida Republicans more than $400,000 worth of free park passes, food and hotel stays. (The park also threw $16,000 worth of freebies at the Democrats just to keep them quiet.)
If DeSantis wants to save face, he’d reverse his Monday statement and declare that all ride regulations should apply to all parks. Obviously they should.
But that might tick off a company that’s still donating. So for now, Disney alone may get new regulations. And maybe a new prison. Presumably the Most Magically Secure Place on Earth.
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