Tears rolled down Keith Astbury’s cheeks as he hugged Helen Fraser for the first time.
In that extraordinary moment, he felt his daughter Pippa’s lungs breathing life into the woman standing before him. Keith lost Pippa, a mum-of-one, when she had a fatal brain bleed at just 41.
She was committed to organ donation – a decision that had given new hope and life to five people, including mum-of-three Helen, 55. And Keith could not contain his pride as Helen provided living proof of all that Pippa believed in.
He said of that emotional first meeting in Staffordshire: “It was incredible, knowing a piece of Pippa was still alive inside Helen and was keeping her alive too. I was lost for words.
“They are so alike. Helen is a lovely, caring person and mother, just like Pippa was.” Keith had travelled from Accrington, Lancashire, while Helen and eldest daughter Danielle, 34, came down from Dundee.
They had exchanged letters and photos but had never met in person. In time, though, they and their families would go on to form a lasting bond.
Keith’s grandson even spent a week with Helen and her family in Scotland this summer where they attached a padlock with Pippa’s name and date of her death to railings at Dundee Law. Recalling meeting Keith for the first time at the Organ Donation Week, Helen said: “I was so overwhelmed, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
"So I just said, ‘Thank you.’ Keith introduced me to everyone, telling them I was Pippa’s recipient. You could see how much it meant to him.”
Helen and Danielle had picked their moment carefully. Danielle explained: “We always got the impression from his emails that Keith would like to meet one day.
"We were sneaking around like we were in MI5, trying to enlist the help of other families to surprise him. We sat near the back and I saw Keith and his wife come in.
“They sat a few rows away from us, too close for comfort, so we jumped up and moved to the front. After the service, we all went out on to the veranda and I could see Keith talking so I stood behind him.
“When he turned around, I could see he recognised me from photos but was so shocked. He said my name twice and we hugged.
“I felt him rub his hand down my back and up again, like he was holding his daughter or trying to make sure it was really happening.” The meeting was, of course, borne out of the loss of Keith’s beloved Pippa.
She collapsed on November 14, 2018. Pippa, whose son John Aaron is now 13, had suffered a cerebral haemorrhage and was put on life support. But she could not be saved.
Retired mental health support worker Keith, 72, said: “Losing Pippa was devastating. She had so much to live for. She loved being a mum and had gone back to college to study social care as she wanted a career helping people.
“We had never discussed organ donation but she obviously felt passionately about it, so we knew we had to
honour her wishes.”
Shop worker Pippa had declared she wanted to donate her organs on her driving licence, in her will and by registering online. Since 2020, a new organ donor register means you agree to donation unless you opt out.
It was named Max And Keira’s Law – after 14-year-old Max Johnson, who received the heart of nine-year-old car crash victim Keira Ball in 2017. Organ Donation Week ended yesterday and Keith and Helen were talking to support an appeal by NHS Blood and Transplant for more donors.
The pandemic has seen the number waiting for a transplant rise to more than 6500. Another 3000 have been suspended from the waiting list as they are too ill or are ineligible.
Meanwhile, organ donation is only possible in one per cent of all deaths and many bereaved families refuse permission.
But Pippa’s wishes were honoured. Her lungs went to Helen, her kidneys were donated to two men and her corneas restored the sight of two people.
Helen is eternally grateful. She developed pulmonary fibrosis – severe scarring of her lung tissue – in her early 40s. By 2018, she was trapped in a broken body, with little hope.
She said: “I couldn’t breathe. I sat in the same chair all day because I was too tired to move. I couldn’t watch television as I was on oxygen and the machine was too loud. I couldn’t even speak. I would start to choke, then be sick.
“Sometimes I felt like giving up. At times, it was only my children who kept me going.” After two false alarms for organs, Helen almost took herself off the waiting list.
“But on November 16, 2018, she received the life-saving call. Helen added: “I remember taking that first breath after they removed the ventilator. It was amazing.”
Helen was discharged just two weeks later and was home with her family for Christmas. In the New Year her body began to reject the lungs and she had blood clots in them.
She took several months to recover. By September 2019, she felt well enough to write to her donor’s family.
Helen said: “It was so hard. How do you find the words to thank them for the most precious gift when you know they’ve lost someone they loved? I missed out on so much with my children when I was ill. Now we can live again.”
Keith said: “Helen told me her daughter had just learned to ride a bike and, without the transplant, she wouldn’t have been here to see it. That stuck in my mind as Pippa’s lungs didn’t just allow Helen to live.
"It gave three children their mother back. Pippa would be over the moon. It’s exactly what she would have wanted.”
After exchanging several letters anonymously via co-ordinators, the families were allowed to contact each other directly. Last Sunday they met up at this year’s memorial service – and aim to make it an annual get-together.
The two families talk every week and shared a video call at Christmas. After Pippa’s son spent a week with Helen and her family in the summer, she said: “It felt so natural. On the first night, he said he felt like he had known us since he was a baby.
“My eyesight has deteriorated, so he took my hand to guide me when we went for a walk. He has been through so much but he is such a lovely boy.
“We bought a padlock and took him to get it engraved – with his mum’s name and date of her death – then fixed it to the railings at the top of Law Hill, overlooking the whole of Dundee. We thought that was a nice spot for it.
“Then he said, ‘You’ve made my Grandad very happy.’ If that’s the case, I’m glad. Pippa and Keith gave me so much. It’s nice to think I’ve given him some comfort too.”
For more information, visit organdonation.nhs.uk and donorfamilynetwork.co.uk.
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