The only matchmaker working in Scotland told how demand trebled during the pandemic and shared her top tips for finding love - including having zero expectations on a first date.
Laura Smyth, 34, met her fiancé Emmanuel Ofori Duah, 31, through her matchmaking service after he signed up for a consultation. The couple had been on a few dates at uni and were Facebook friends for 10 years, and Laura said she would never have considered dating a client because it would have been unprofessional.
She wasn't looking to date anyone having just left a seven-year relationship but realised their life goals matched when she did a two-hour consultation and they began dating. Laura, from Armargh, N. Ireland, worked in recruitment when she decided to use her skills as a headhunter to start Match Made in Scotland - although she was in a longterm relationship with someone she couldn't see herself having children with.
She said her fiance wouldn't have wanted to go out with her had he met her when she was working in her old job, because the career change made her grow as a person, and said it was important to give second chances. Laura, who lives in Edinburgh, believes in 'masculine and feminine energy' and said first dates should be kept light and bright with no talk of exes.
Successful women can face challenges when dating, which Laura hopes to combat with her service, which is aimed at professional people who don't want staff to see them on dating apps. She suggested that when men talk about money, it often masks nerves and a desire to prove they are useful or 'providers' - while women could think about how they talk about their independence to avoid making men feel sidelined.
And she said most people don't relax enough to show who they really are until a third date - while suggesting that if there wasn't immediate chemistry that could grow in future and to give the person another chance. Laura believes people's life goals need to match in order to have a shared future, and asks clients to list wants, needs and non-negotiables - such as smoking or having young children - as well as reflecting on why past relationships failed.
She started her business in November 2020 out of a desire to help people - and said apps can cost users 10 hours a week on swiping just to get a dopamine hit, and "commodify" people using them. Around 500 people are on her books.
Laura said: "When I met my fiance he said 'why don't you just match with me', and I had just come out of a seven-year relationship. I wasn't looking to date anyone, but what he was saying he wanted was what I wanted.
"Some people think a matchmaker is a magic wand, but the most important thing is having the same relationship goals. Whether or not people will have chemistry is not something I can foresee, chemistry is something different from sexual attraction.
"People meet at work and three years later start dating, when they've grown to get to know them and are attracted to each other. I think chemistry grows."
Laura says if men talk about past relationships and show their vulnerability on a first date, they risk asking women to 'mother' them - because of going from 'masculine' to 'feminine' energy, which can ruin the chance of connection and being friend zoned. She said cultural movements such as £MeToo have made it harder, and had one young male client who had been snapped at by a woman for complimenting her dress.
And she said successful women who are proud of having bought a flat by themselves could think carefully about how they present their independence, including around paying for drinks - giving more thought to men's attempts to be chivalrous.
Laura said: "It's about masculine energy and feminine energy - men feel loved when they feel needed, women feel loved when they feel cherished. The early 90s was a man's world, now women are having access to the same jobs, buying their own flats.
"Men want to feel needed while the woman is saying 'I don't need you to pay for me' - but we need you for support, for affection. Women need to realise that yes, be 100 per cent independent, but do you need to go on about it?
"When women say 'I'm independent' men hear 'I don't need you'. When you think of women who are at the top of their careers, these are women who are tenacious and ambitious which men perceive as as masculine energy.
"It needs a really strong man to be with a successful woman, they are still soft and feminine, they still want what every woman wants. When men talk about money we may see that as showing off, but they are trying to show they can provide."
Laura said her own desire to get married and have kids made her realise she was with the wrong man, before she met her fiance, who she had initially found too cocky at uni. And she also asks people about their values regarding politics and religion.
She said: "You need to have the same relationship goals - the apps commodify people and men outnumber women by 9/1. If you go with zero expectations you will always have a good first date.
"There are non-negotiables, like smoking or having young children, so in a consultation we would talk about those. People date blindly but they need to think about what went wrong in past relationships."
Business boomed with many people feeling their lives had been put on hold indefinitely during lockdown and Laura believes her service is seen as an investment.
Laura said: "People began to realise that career stuff isn't everything. I suggested to a friend she find a matchmaker and there wasn't one in Scotland.
"I was quite risk averse and I don't see myself as an entrepreneur, I wanted to help people."
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