To mark International Women's Day on May 8, FRANCE 24 looks at an online platform dedicated to helping expatriate French women who are victims of domestic violence. Seeking help can be more difficult when women are living abroad with their abusers and are cut off from a support system of friends and family. Launched in October, Save You has already helped more than 100 women break their silence to share their horrific stories.
"I didn't hit you hard enough last time. I feel like you're asking for more," shouts a large Turkish man, slamming the door on his way out. Nour* is overcome by anxiety. That week, two earthquakes hit Mersin in southern Turkey where she has been living, isolated from everyone for more than a year. A few days later, Nour herself was shaking. "I have to get out of the house tonight. He is armed, I feel like I’m going to die when he comes back," she whispers over the phone to Caroline B.
Caroline B., president of the Coeurs de Guerrières (Warrior’s Hearts) association, also runs the Save You online platform. Nour and other French expatriate women who are victims of domestic violence can seek comfort from her soothing voice over the phone for free, wherever they are in the world, 24/7. On the other end of the line, volunteers help them resolve some extremely complex situations, even helping them "avoid the worst" – as they did that evening with Nour.
Save You is the first of its kind. Dedicated to French expatriate women and their children, the platform offers women (and some men) who are victims of violence a place to tell their stories. Some 43 percent of the women who phone in suffer from psychological violence while 19 percent are victims of physical violence. Launched in October 2022, it was created by France’s Sorority Foundation, which also invented The Sorority app – an app that enables women to help each other by alerting other users using geolocation if someone nearby is in danger.
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Trapped
On the day she called Caroline B. in tears, Alice* had been subject to both kinds of violence. A little over a year ago, Alice left France for Manchester with her English partner. Last September, she gave birth to a baby girl. Alice said his attitude completely changed a few months later: he tried to prevent her from caring for their daughter and began tearing the baby from her arms. The British man’s kicks were punctuated by threats and insults. Alice told FRANCE 24 over the phone what her partner had said: "Leave the baby here and go back to France, we don't need you anymore. Go, you witch."
Alice is trapped in this situation – she is unemployed, does not speak English well, is economically and legally dependent on her partner, and is living far from her family.
Nour found herself trapped in similar circumstances, as have the more than 120 other people who have reached out via Save You, says Caroline B. Some of the women she is in contact with have been held prisoner by their partners for 15 years. The situation becomes particularly challenging in cases where the woman broke off ties with her family when she left her country. Victims often sink into a deep depression after they witness the violent transformation of a man for whom they had left everything behind.
Triggering element
Alice says that her former partner’s "explosive" brutality came out of nowhere. During the last few weeks of her pregnancy, the father of her child had been extremely supportive. So how did he become so violent that the British police had to intervene? "I still don't understand," says the 40-year-old.
These sudden and brutal "metamorphoses" are often triggered by childbirth, explains Caroline B. In some cases, the father feels that the mother and child have become his property. It is as if he is thinking, "You can never leave because there is a child. And if you leave, I'll keep it," says Caroline B.
This is essentially what Alice’s partner yelled at her, insisting she had no rights in England. Unfortunately, his words were not far from the truth. If Alice does not succeed in obtaining a French passport for her baby, she will never be able to leave the UK legally with her child.
Nour was also raising a child from a previous marriage during her long period of isolation in Turkey. Rescued by Turkish policemen alerted by Save You, the young woman managed to escape from her former companion, arriving at Adana airport from Mersin. She spent many long, difficult hours there, as the chaos caused by the earthquake had grounded all flights to Paris. With no money and after several layovers, Nour finally landed at Paris Charles de Gaulle airport. She had finally returned home from what was originally meant to be a weekend trip, but which had turned into 10 months of captivity. Exhausted, considerably thinner and destitute, Nour had lost everything. "He took away all my self-confidence," the young woman said, before bursting into tears.
Overwhelmed by the flood of calls for help, Caroline B. is overcome with indignation, as she feels that French authorities should tackle the problem head-on. Out of more than a million expatriate French women, how many are living in similar circumstances, she wonders. This type of gender-based violence is not included in any official statistics.
Constrained by local laws
Although the French foreign ministry has set up a dedicated unit, it suffers from a severe lack of personnel, says Amélia Lakrafi, the MP who represents French nationals living abroad. "To respond to a problem effectively, one needs to be aware of it," says Lakrafi. In France, she says, “the popular imagination tends to imagine French expatriates as being wealthy and living wonderful, happy lives".
The other challenge is trying to apply French policies in other countries. "Our national representatives are not allowed to do what they want. And we all remain extremely constrained by local laws," she says.
Lakrafi, who has been telling decision-makers for years that this type of gender-based violence needs to be addressed, was a fan of the online platform from the start. Save You is "the tool we have been waiting for", she says.
She says associations such as The Sorority Foundation have more latitude than a government administration, which is weighed down by its own procedures. However, she adds, “Save You will only gain traction if it works alongside French government institutions abroad, like the French foreign ministry and the interior ministry.”
This relationship seems to have already begun taking shape. "The French foreign ministry often allows us to move forward more quickly, we are lucky that they support us," says Priscillia Routier-Trillard, founder of The Sorority Foundation. Within a few months of its launch, government offices such as the French foreign ministry posted a link to Save You. This has greatly benefited women like Nour and Alice, who may not have otherwise been aware of the platform.
Knowing you are not alone
Alice still has many legal obstacles to overcome before she can live in peace. However, the support that she receives from Caroline B. and others at Save You helps her believe in a better tomorrow. Barriers that seemed insurmountable before now seem to be crumbling, and Alice was able to move to a new home – although she will not disclose its location due to fears that her ex-partner will come take her daughter away.
Since its launch, lawyers, doctors, social workers and other professionals have offered their services to Save You in various countries around the world. This growing network has helped ensure that more women are made aware of this platform. "Sometimes we simply serve as a link to a local solution, which the victim has been desperately seeking for months without success," Caroline B. explains.
Simply by lending a sympathetic ear, Caroline B. gave Alice a priceless gift. "She listened to me. It was like I could see a way out from the black hole I was in," says Alice.
Like Alice and Nour – and hundreds of thousands of French women every year – Routier-Trillard and Caroline B. were once victims of domestic violence. For a long time, they felt trapped in silent guilt.
"What gets me through is providing the support I would have liked to have," Caroline B. says.
We are social beings, Routier-Trillard adds. "Nothing in the world is more powerful than knowing that you are not alone."
*Names have been changed
This article has been translated from the original in French.
