This week’s Saturday Night Live opens with Secretary of War Pete Hegseth (Colin Jost) fielding questions from reporters about America’s military operations in Iran. Hegseth, who has been preparing all afternoon by doing keg stands, brags about how well the war is going (“We’re treating Iran like the breathalyzer in my car and blowing it the hell up”) even as he refuses to label it as a war: “If we don’t know what we’re doing, then Iran definitely doesn’t know what we’re doing.”
After hurling insults at the press pool, he turns things over to former director of homeland security Kristi Noem, who has “been reassigned under the bus”. The scandal-ridden Noem (Ashley Padilla) insists that while she is leaving the job, she’s not abandoning the mission: “As my plastic surgeon says, the work is never done.” Sharp barbs about Noem’s history of canine killing (“You miss 100% of the dogs you don’t shoot”) and her rumored affair with also-ousted DHS adviser Corey Lewandowski (“I think I really nailed it – and by it, I mean my married co-worker in a big, beautiful flying bedroom 3,000 feet over Minneapolis”) follow, before she is brutally dismissed by Hegseth.
