Rylan Clark has opened up about attempting suicide after hitting a low point and spending a few weeks in a mental health facility.
The former X Factor star detailed the struggles in his new book, and revealed he felt the need to tell his boyfriend he cheated on him "years ago" and was left devastated when he left him. Rylan admits he went into "self blame" mode following the split and spent time at his mum's house, reports the Mirror.
He writes: "And for the first time in thirty two years I felt I couldn't carry on no more. What's the point I thought. I'd lost what I thought was everything, the one thing I always wanted. A man I loved. A family of my own. And now it was gone. And so I tried to end it."
Rylan then went to a mental health hospital and was able to get the help he needed to fix his heartbreak.
Speaking at an event in London on Wednesday night, Rylan reflected on that time and said: "It is no secret that my marriage broke down last year. And I disappeared for five or six months and people knew when I didn't turn up for work that something was wrong because I am always on f*cking telly, you know what I mean?
"But the truth is what I went through last year was so revisited with writing about it. A lot of people said to me, especially my publishers 'it will be cathartic, it will be a good thing for you'." And it was to a certain extent, but actually it was awful because you will find out in the book just how bad I got from my own self and it was.
"The book opens with a disclaimer put it that way. That is how bad it got.
"For someone looking from the outside in I look as if I have the perfect life. You know, I have got a family, I am lucky to have money in the bank, I have got a regular job but things are not always as they seem. In my head it was really difficult."
Referencing how bad things got he told the audience: "I went back to physically being in that situation and no-one can help you.
"Anyone who is in a situation where you are in such a deep, deep, dark place, please talk to people. Please do this and please do that. But I will be completely honest with you like I have always tried to be, you are the only one who can get out.
"You are the only one. I was the only one who could physically dig my nails into that mud and try and pull myself up. I have got an amazing family and team around me and I have got amazing friends. I was in a very lucky position. I could pay money and be put in a place.
"I was admitted to a mental health unit which is f*cked up for me to sit here and say now because I don't know that person. I just never thought that would happen to me."
The decade that changed my future by Rylan Clark is out on September 29 is published by Seven Dials.
*If you're struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org or visit their site to find your local branch
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