Mother's Day can be a reminder of pain and loss for many women. Here, Mel Dearmer writes a heartfelt ode to love, loss and longing.
Dear Mum,
As I come up on the eighth Mother's Day without you, I've got to say I'm really struggling.
I don't know what it is about this year that's so much tougher, but this feels nearly as strong as the ache I felt in the weeks after you took your final breath.
I go to call you all the time — and not just when something big is happening in my life.
It's those random little moments when I go to dial your number to tell you something I know would make you laugh.
About a new food at the shops you would like, or to ask for advice on something I know you'd have the answer to.
Remember after you were diagnosed with cancer, we went to our first Cancer Council Relay for Life?
We'd never been before, but it felt like something that could help us make sense of the s****y rollercoaster we found ourselves on.
It turns out it would totally change my life.
I loved the feeling of Relay for Life, so I started volunteering to help run them — the next one was less than two weeks after you died, which was tough.
Sticking with volunteering was worth it though, and it led me to my husband, Jason.
You'd love him as much as I do — and would join me in teasing him about how nice he is.
But I've told him all about you, and it made me so happy when Dad gave his blessing for the both of you before Jason proposed.
It broke my heart that I couldn't have either you or Dad at my wedding.
When Dad died on the same date as you, exactly five years on, the thought of getting married without either of you was too much to bear, so we decided to elope.
I thought about you the whole day — how unfair it was that you weren't there to help me get ready, fluff my dress, and give me a hug.
Then again, you did give me an incredible sister to stand by my side, and we've become so much closer since you left us.
Mum, it's Mother's Day this weekend, and I've been struggling with all the reminders of you.
But this year, I know that I'm not alone.
I found an organisation made up of women like me. It's called Motherless Daughters, and Mum, it's helped me feel a little less alone in my grief.
There are so many families missing their mums this weekend.
To know there is somewhere to go for support, for guidance, even just for a chat, can make getting through it that little bit easier.
Motherless Daughters has created a space to help me and others cope with the hole in our hearts that can never be filled.
Mum, I love you and miss you forever — Happy Mother's Day,
Love, Mel.
Motherloss Awareness Week culminated on Saturday.
Mel Dearmer is a reporter at ABC Western Plains.
