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The Guardian - UK

Entertainment

Refined lyrics for The Archers’ theme tune

Archers Doug Barrowman

Angela Piper and Charles Collingwood, who play Jennifer and Brian Aldridge in The Archers. — Angela Piper and Charles Collingwood, who play Jennifer and Brian Aldridge in The Archers. Photograph: Gary Moyes/BBC

All your correspondents are way off beam about the words to our putative new national anthem, to be sung to the tune of Barwick Green (Letters, 2 January). The canonical version is: “What a load of utter crap / What a load of bollocks / What a load of utter crap / What a load of tosh. / Turn it off, please / Turn it off, please / Turn it off right now / What a load of utter crap / What a pile of pish.” I refined these during many years of being held captive and forced to listen to The Archers.
Edward Collier
Ballabeg, Isle of Man

• I agree that The Archers’ theme tune should be the new national anthem. I would also like to suggest that the English rugby union team respond to the All Blacks’ haka with a morris dance. The one with the waving of handkerchiefs, not the one where they clash sticks. We don’t want to scare them.
Robert Proctor
Reach, Cambridgeshire

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