All your correspondents are way off beam about the words to our putative new national anthem, to be sung to the tune of Barwick Green (Letters, 2 January). The canonical version is: “What a load of utter crap / What a load of bollocks / What a load of utter crap / What a load of tosh. / Turn it off, please / Turn it off, please / Turn it off right now / What a load of utter crap / What a pile of pish.” I refined these during many years of being held captive and forced to listen to The Archers.
Edward Collier
Ballabeg, Isle of Man
• I agree that The Archers’ theme tune should be the new national anthem. I would also like to suggest that the English rugby union team respond to the All Blacks’ haka with a morris dance. The one with the waving of handkerchiefs, not the one where they clash sticks. We don’t want to scare them.
Robert Proctor
Reach, Cambridgeshire
• I am amazed that many people seem surprised at seeing hot cross buns “early” before Easter (Letters, 2 January). For many years they’ve been sold all year round. I should know. I have one for breakfast daily.
Hugh Coolican
Broughton Astley, Leicestershire
• After reading Anita Chaudhuri’s amusing and uplifting article (How can we savour our lives in 2024? I started with a list ..., 3 January), I recorded my first “delight” and then my second – I was reading it in bed! My third delight may be if this is published.
Marjorie Firth
Warkworth, Northumberland
• Michelle Mone’s husband, Doug Barrowman, complains of being “hung out to dry” (Report, 1 January). I am sure we could all use a £60m washing line like his.
Jim Wilson
Broughton, Oxfordshire
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