Why is it easier for me to remember that I’ve forgotten something than to remember the thing I’ve forgotten? John Gray, York
Send new questions to nq@theguardian.com.
Readers reply
Hang on, I know this. sparklesthewonderhen
Because the former is a concept and the latter is detail. Andyouwillknowme
Consider yourself lucky that you can still remember that you’ve forgotten something. ItsBouquet
If you’ve forgotten something you know you were meant to remember, thinking about it too much won’t help. Come back to it in 10 minutes – if you remember to do so! Edricom
Sometimes people use the expression “I forgot” as an excuse. My response has always been: “You didn’t forget – you remembered to forget.” Richard Dopson, retired psychologist, Vancouver, Canada
Like tying a knot in a handkerchief, but then being unable to remember why you tied it? Lots of things going on in your mind. Juggling many balls in the air, you’re almost certain to forget about one of them and only remember it when the pattern is broken. You need a task-specific memory aid, rather than the knot in the handkerchief. MrCassandra
Even worse is remembering that you forgot to do something, then remembering what it was you forgot to do, going back to do it and finding you have already done it but had forgotten that you did it. I think this happens to me with increasing frequency, but wish I knew for sure. BelowTheTideline
I could, of course, be wrong, but I am inclined to think we are not, in the main, more forgetful over time, but rather we put more significance on the potential for forgetting (and think the worse). I have no evidence to substantiate this, but I am not sure I have suddenly forgotten to remember things. I just think, as you age, your natural default is to be concerned one has some degenerative disease because that is what we are force-fed. Of course, there are people with issues, but most of us probably panic for no reason.
I worked with someone who got to the position where he would leave home, get halfway to work, then convince himself he had left the front door open, or the cooker on. He gave in and returned home. I sometimes think this, but whereas in the confidence of youth I would have instantly dismissed it, now I genuinely ponder. I convince myself my doubt is nonsense and, lo and behold, when I get home, I am right. HeathRobinson
When I can’t find my eyeglasses, I often forget to remember, while I’m meandering here and there, why I wanted them in the first place. Any octogenarian like myself will concur. RPOrlando
I tell my imaginary cat. If I had a real cat I’d tell it but I don’t. I might not remember doing something but if I tell my imaginary cat I’ve done it, then I’ll remember it. Weird, eh? Easytiger77
The brain probably remembers just about everything it notices, but it needs help to retrieve that information at a later point, especially when the information was not labelled as important. Just because something is “urgent” or “should do” does not mean your brain will class it as important; it may be something you don’t feel like doing, or aren’t sure about or ready for, in which case another mechanism may even be trying to help you not remember. You will usually remember things that are important to you or that you want to do. For the others, you have to teach yourself how to better remember, through tags, games, associations and so on.
Think of all those tip-of-the-tongue problems: knowing you know, but not being able to find the answer at that moment. Your brain often continues searching when you have given up, delivering the answer later. Michael
An old neighbour of ours told me once he has tablets to help his memory, but he forgets to take them. I think he was joking. dargie
A very common reason for short-term memory loss is that evolution has trained us to wipe our short-term memory when we enter a new location, so that we can assess dangers. We are shifting our attention from memory to the immediate surroundings, thus we forget something, but know that we have forgotten something because we are in a new location and must have gone there for a purpose.
For example: I am in the living room and want to cut off a label from a shirt I have just bought, but I know the scissors are in the kitchen. When I go into the kitchen, I wipe my short-term memory because I shift my focus to the new environment to search for threats – mice, rats, snakes. (No, my kitchen is not that disgusting …) Although I have now forgotten why I came into the kitchen, I know I did so for a reason; why else would I be there?
The way to regain my memory is to retrace my steps. This introduces the paradox that by moving to the old location, which is now a new location, I re-wipe short-term memory. The difference is that, because I am back where I started, there is a physical reminder of my original intention to trigger memory, so I remember why I went to the kitchen because I can see the item then requires scissors. MrNorrisChangedEmail
It could be some sort of tragic relationship issue. Have you considered a career as a county and western lyricist? Andrew Carroll