New Orleans police say rats have been eating marijuana the department confiscated as part of the War on Drugs:
The year is 1284. The town: Hamelin. Our hero? The Pied Piper, summoned (in that fabulous multicolored tunic, no less) by a weary mayor to play his dulcet tones and lure away the town's rats, who were eating weed seized by law enforcement.
Oh. Erm, no. The rats of the 13th century were just being annoying. It's the rats of today who are allegedly feasting on cannabis taken by police down in the land of dreams. Ah, New Orleans.
"The rats are eating our marijuana," New Orleans Police Department (NOPD) Supervisor Anne Kirkpatrick told a City Council committee on Monday. "They're all high."
Fortunately, experts assure us the rats probably aren't actually getting high:
"If the rats are eating raw cannabis, I would be very surprised if they are actually getting high," Matt Hill, a professor at the University of Calgary, told Axios. Heat is required to activate THC, the psychoactive compound in marijuana, said Hill, who studies rats and weed (a surprisingly robust field!). Should the rats have actually gotten high, the rodents sharing real estate with the NOPD would likely be noticeably more docile, sluggish, and less aggressive.
That's a relief! We wouldn't want New Orleans rats to become more docile and sluggish.
However, this situation reveals a possible justification for marijuana prohibition that critics—myself included—have so far overlooked: confiscated marijuana is valuable food source for rats! And not just in New Orleans. Rodents as far afield as India and Argentina have also been dining on pot seized by law enforcement. What will they do if deprived of of their food supply? Surely we wouldn't want them to starve! Will no one think of the poor rodents?
This would not be the first animal welfare rationale for pot prohibition. Back in 2014, the then-Administrator of the DEA argued that marijuana legalization was a health risk for dogs (she was mostly wrong). Later, a police official in Illinois warned that legalization would force law enforcement to euthanize drug-sniffing dogs.
It may only be a matter of time before drug warriors unleash the argument that prohibition is needed to create a rat's paradise:
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