One of the most unexpectedly emotional moments of recent Friday night TV came last month when Rory Graham — better known as Rag’n’Bone Man — joined Graham Norton on his famous red couch and was asked about the title of his new album, What Do You Believe In?.
The singer paused, visibly fighting to hold back tears as it emerged the phrase had come to him following the death of his mother. Even Norton, one of the country’s most consummate broadcasting professionals, looked unsure of how to handle the raw emotion, asking if he wanted to move away from the topic.
A couple of weeks later, when we chat, Graham still hasn’t watched the clip back. “I can’t quite bring myself to,” he says. “I’ve had a lot of people come up to me and say it was a beautiful moment, so I’m okay with it. But I don’t think I’ll ever feel comfortable on TV.” At 6ft 6in tall, bearded and covered in tattoos, it’s not often that you see someone of Rag’n’Bone Man’s celebrity and stature allow themselves to be so publicly vulnerable.
Emotional openness is something that Graham, now a father of one and stepfather of three, is keenly aware of ensuring he passes down to his own children. “Like a lot of people of my generation, I spent a lot of years holding everything back,” says the 39-year-old. “And then you suddenly realise as you get older that it’s not embarrassing, and it doesn’t feel like something you shouldn’t do. And once you start [thinking like] that the kids realise it’s okay, and hopefully that breaks down the generational thing we had as kids that you shouldn’t show your emotions or cry as a man. Gradually, gradually, we’re getting to that point.”
The bulk of What Do You Believe In? was written with his family in mind. Where 2021 second record Life By Misadventure was penned in the wake of his divorce from Beth Rouy, mother of his son Reuben, his latest, he says, came from a period where he “just felt a lot of love”. “I felt different,” he continues of his life with new wife Zoe Beardsall. “I looked at what was going on in my life and thought, ‘I’m really lucky to have people that love me and to be surrounded by good friends.’ My outlook on life seemed less bleak.”
Later, when Graham lost his mother during the final stages of the writing process, he felt compelled to pen an extra pair of songs — Hope You Felt Loved at the End and the album’s title track — about the experience. “In hindsight, having to talk about it all the time is sometimes like, I’m not sure if I should have done that…” he concedes. “But the more I think about it, the easier it gets. And the more I perform the songs, the slightly easier it gets. It’s still not easy but it’s getting better. It’s easier to talk about with a bit of sunshine.”
Having first come to prominence back in 2016 with the arrival of ubiquitous debut single Human, Rag’n’Bone Man had to learn how to deal with the demands and pressures of public life quickly and on the job. For the period around his 2017 debut album, also titled Human, he was everywhere, winning three Brit Awards over two years, first for rising star and British breakthrough act and then, shortly after, for best single.
“For that manic period of time, I didn’t even really stop to think because it all happened so fast. It was a year and a half of f***ing madness,” he tells me from the “glorified shed” in his garden in Heathfield, east Sussex, that he’s converted into a recording studio. “I had always considered myself as more of an underground artist [before], but then I started to enjoy writing pop music and thought, well, why don’t I give this a go and see what happens? And obviously it did [happen] and I wasn’t really prepared.”
When an uncomfortable feeling creeps in, I think, ‘No. You are who you are. You deserve to be here’
Thrust into the eye of the storm, Graham’s initial memory when asked to recall that time is perhaps surprising. “Honestly, you spend a lot of time by yourself,” he says. “Because it’s so intensely busy, your schedule is going to this radio session and then this radio session and then you do a gig, and then when that’s all finished you’re just by yourself in a hotel.” A homebody who evidently craves normality, the silence after the screaming fans sat fine with Graham. “That bit, I don’t mind so much. I’m good at being by myself. But then I signed my record deal when I was 29,” he caveats. “I think if I’d have done it when I was 19 or 21, it would have been a very different story.
“I don’t know how people deal with the pressures at that age because you’re still a child,” he continues. “I was a dickhead when I was 18. I definitely wouldn’t have dealt with it [like I did] so I’m thankful that I was older. Having an amazing friend in my tour manager, and people in my band who I’ve known for 20 years — a good group of people around me that genuinely care about me — was so important. Having people around you that know you well enough to just drop you a text or say, ‘Is everything okay?’; to recognise something in someone that might not be quite right.”
Graham was born not far from his current home, less than 10 miles west in neighbouring Uckfield. Having been expelled from school, he started MCing at age 15 under the pseudonym Rag N’ Bonez — inspired by reruns of Steptoe and Son. Moving to Brighton, he continued primarily working with drum’n’bass crews and rap groups, but it was when he leant into his now signature resonant vocals and commercial hooks that his career leapt forward, eventually signing a publishing deal with Warner Chappell in 2013.
In the wake of the tragic death of Liam Payne, Robbie Williams’s songwriting collaborator Guy Chambers suggested that there should be a minimum age for signing artists into the industry. Graham’s kids are yet to show any interest in following their dad’s career path — “My little one’s started drumming lessons and Jessie sings a lot” — but he agrees with the thinking behind the idea. “I wouldn’t discourage [my kids], but I do think it’s a good idea maybe not to sign record deals when you’re 16 because you need to grow up a little bit.”
Life for Rag’n’Bone Man is calmer these days. He is still, by any objective metric, very successful; What Do You Believe In? recently entered the charts at No 3, and he’ll embark on a sold-out UK tour this month. But Graham is happiest when he’s able to clock in for his pop star duties and then go back to real life. He’s settled in a small village where “people don’t give a f*** who I am because they’ve seen me a million times,” he says. “That’s how I set it up for myself, because when I’m not doing this,” — he emphasises his musical alter-ego — “I don’t want to be that any more, so it’s perfect for me.”
Instantly recognisable (“It’s not like I can just hide behind a cap and a hoodie”), he’s had to find other ways to reconcile the part of him that fans feel like they know and the part he wants to keep to himself. “I do struggle with being recognised a lot. It’s not something I ever prepared myself for and, although I’m not a dick to people, like everybody I have those days when I don’t want to talk, or when I have to do stuff because I have a family,” he says. “I don’t think I’m ever gonna feel comfortable with it.”
Whether he’s steeling himself to go on national TV or just to pop into town, there’s clearly still a transformation that happens when Rory Graham has to become Rag’n’Bone Man. But with the speed of his early career having reached a more manageable canter, it’s one the musician has figured out how to keep on top of. “I have to get myself into that mindset and go out and do that job, and then, when I’ve finished, I can go home and it’s the same,” he says. “Now and then an uncomfortable feeling creeps in, but I think, ‘No. You are who you are. You deserve to be here. Just go and smash it’. I give myself a little pep talk and then I’m all right.”
Rag’n’Bone Man’s new album What Do You Believe In? is out now. He plays the O2 Academy Brixton on November 22; academymusicgroup.com
