A therapist revealed what to do when someone doesn’t text you back – and says we should “never chase” and instead practice self-love to heal “your inner child.”
Kelly Armatage, 48, said people can enter psychological turmoil and become obsessive when someone doesn’t text back.
Individuals who are anxiously attached or have abandonment wounds face rejection or neglect in childhood and this can be triggered by a rejection from a romantic interest.
Kelly said it can re-open old wounds – causing them to become distressed if someone doesn’t text back quickly.
According to the therapist, this leads them to have a “deregulated nervous system” and feel anxious.
Kelly says people should strive to accept rejection as a part of everyday life and to love themselves to become truly happy – instead of obsessing.
Kelly, from St Albans, UK, said: “When we are dating and nothing has been confirmed with regards to a relationship you could send a text and not receive a response for one hour, three hours or even half a day.
“The action of not getting a text back can trigger the old pain of not being loved or that you’re going to be abandoned.
“For people with abandonment wounds and anxious attachment, a lack of communication, nurturance, or presence will trigger this.
“When you feel like this, it’s an opportunity to heal your triggers.”
According to the therapist, many people don’t take the opportunity to heal and instead “call their girlfriends” or “check when they were last online” to obsess endlessly over the rejection.
Kelly said: “This is the worst thing you can do, you must soothe yourself if you feel rejected and abandoned to ultimately get to a place of secure attachment.”
According to Kelly, you should soothe yourself straight after rejection by reciting affirmations.
She said: “You need to love yourself at the moment.
“Close your eyes and put your hand on your heart to soothe your inner child.
“You can say affirmations such as ‘I am lovable, I am amazing, I am good enough, I don’t want someone who isn’t present’.”
Kelly said this helps to regulate the nervous system to bring peace and calmness.
(Photo by Andrea Piacquadio via Pexels)
She advises staying away from coping mechanisms such as smoking and alcohol and to meditate, have a bubble bath or go to a therapy session instead.
Kelly said: “When we’re in the chasing energy and feeling desperate what we chase gets repelled.
“If I went into Selfridges right now and a woman chased me to buy handbags, even if they were Louis Vuitton, I would think she is so desperate and want to get away.”
She said once you reach a place of secure attachment – a healthy attachment style where you acknowledge your self-worth – you attract more available people.
Kelly said: “This is why we chase the bad boys, we’re trying to get love outside of ourselves.
“Once you become secure you won’t be attracted by avoidant men and women.
“Nobody likes rejection, but it’s just a sign it isn’t an alignment and to soothe and love yourself more in the moment.
“Nothing outside of you ultimately makes you happy.”
Kelly’s tips for what to do when somebody doesn’t text you back:
- Soothe yourself through positive affirmations
- Don’t chase
- Regulate your nervous system
Produced in association with SWNS Talker
