My Granny used to tell me people who wash their dirty laundry in public rarely get rid of the stains.
So it’s lucky that the Duke of Sussex landed £35million for his explosive new memoir Spare.
Because Harry and Meghan must be spending a fortune replacing all the soiled linen they’ve aired in the past few months.
And Harry clearly has a laundry basket full of dirty personal items that he’s willing to chuck in relatives’ faces in his bizarre bid for reconciliation.
He’s like some two-bit actor in a Vanish ad – pointing out all the grubby little stains before telling us that there’s an easy solution.
Here’s the Pedigree Chum smear on his shirt from that time Willy attacked him and he landed on the dog bowl.
This one’s the grass stain. From the time Harry lost his virginity to an older woman who used him “like a stallion” before “spanking his ass and sending him on his way”. (Don’t you just yearn to do the latter too?)
A few beer stains, some ash from those spliffs he smoked in his teens, a snotty sleeve after a night on the charlie. But none of it was his fault. It was all down to his traumatic childhood, the institution he was born into and, of course, the evil, racist media which killed his mother then set out to destroy his mixed-race wife.
And despite Harry continuing the mud-throwing, he insists it will all come out in the wash once his family take “accountability” for THEIR mess.
Well, it won’t. Because Harry’s latest wash day has revealed a new stain uglier than all the rest.
It’s his claim to have killed 25 Taliban fighters while serving in Afghanistan – and the fact that he has no regrets about removing “chess pieces” from the board.
It’s a revelation that now puts every member of his family in real and present danger of terrorist reprisals.
And blood is the hardest stain of all to wash away.
