It’s a world in flames. Too much antisocial behaviour, too many street gangs, too few crimes being solved – but fear not, the Metropolitan police commissioner, Sir Mark Rowley, has a plan to fight back. Go to the Notting Hill carnival this weekend, he’s told his officers. Keep the peace, lay down the law – and I’d better not catch you dancing.
He’s right to be concerned. Dancing policemen are a menace. They undermine tradition and the public’s trust. The Laughing Policeman was bad enough, but dancing ones? You wonder how they ever got through the vetting and the training. From now on, perhaps it will be a specific part of the vetting and the training. “Regan, you almost made it through, but when we played that bit of Rihanna in the final module, you shimmied a bit and there was a definite head bob. I’m sorry, this job isn’t for you.”
