When two people come together, many ideas, styles, and cultural preferences are brought into the mix. This is magnified when both partners are from different races because their cultural backgrounds and ways of living are usually distinct.
These differences can make for some funny and interesting stories. From not using the dishwasher for its intended purposes to loving cabbage, here are some of the shocking things people had to adjust to in an interracial relationship.
More info: Reddit
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My family (white) were terrible. I left them as a teen because of abuse and whatever. Absolute rearview.
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The number of racially diverse marriages has increased from just 3% in 1967 to 20% in current years. The improved percentage of interracial marriages can be due to many positive factors, such as increased social acceptance, more openness to diversity, and a rise in educated people.
You’d never believe it, but about 29% of Asian newlyweds have a partner of a different race or ethnicity, and the same goes for 27% of Hispanic people. As interracial marriages are getting more common, it’s important to understand what differences and hurdles they may experience along the way. Fortunately, we’ve got a whole list of stories to tell you just that.
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The best way to understand an interracial relationship is to talk to the people who are actually in it. That’s why Bored Panda reached out to Chantel and Greg, who’ve created the YouTube channel Perfectly Blended, to share their experience as a mixed couple. They also post videos about parenting, fitness, and their family. We asked Chantel and Greg if there were cultural or social differences they observed when they first began dating.
They said, “socially, right off the bat, we look very different... Greg is a white male of German and British descent, and I’m a black female of Jamaican and Trinidadian descent. When we first began dating, the food we introduced to each other was different to how we both were raised. Greg does not like to eat traditional West Indian food with bones in it and prefers to eat hearty meals like meatloaf, chilli, baked chicken breast and potatoes, all of which were seasoned very differently than what I was used to. Nevertheless, we both appreciate each other’s cultural foods and will eat what is offered to us at family functions.”
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Chantel and Greg shared an insight into the cultural differences that they immediately noticed when they got together. Chantel said, “culturally, our mannerisms and how we ‘did certain things’ stood out at first. For example, growing up I was taught to make my bed every morning. My mother taught me this discipline as a sign of cleanliness and self-respect. I could not leave my house without making my bed in the morning. It was one of the first things I did after I got up.”
“Additionally, I learned walking into a bedroom and seeing a made bed defines a person’s character. When Greg and I were dating he didn’t make his bed. He wasn’t by any means a dirty person and very much respected himself, but this was something I had to get used to,” she added. These minor cultural behaviors and traditions become a part of who we are and what we do. So when people of different races come together they might find it jarring to see their parter do something completely different.
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Simple things like food, dressing sense, or mannerisms are easy to handle and accept. Larger cultural differences can be difficult to work around. According to Chicory Counseling, “cultural differences can also show up as different beliefs and behaviors around gender roles, public displays of affection, spirituality, and other topics as well. While there is nothing wrong with having cultural differences, some couples find that they need some extra support as they navigate these differences so they both feel respected and understood.”
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We also reached out to Kalpa and Tòmídé of the channel Chennai to Lagos to understand their experience as an interracial couple. They said, “coming from Nigeria and India - it was definitely evident we were from different worlds. This was seen instantly through the places we would choose to hang out, through our circles, or basically, through seeing ‘what a typical Sunday in our life looked like.’ This extended to the foods we eat, our languages, music, etc.”
“However, we have learned over the years that our cultures are far more alike than different. Culturally, the things we value are the same. From our extravagant festivals and weddings, clothing, diverse foods, music, entertainment, and value for family and respect - our cultures [are] rooted in many similar values, and it’s beautiful learning more about our cultures through our relationship.”
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Although it’s been observed that 94% of U.S adults approve of mixed marriages, not everybody is that accepting in real life. Kalpa and Tòmídé mentioned that, “for most people, it’s a mixture of surprise and shock. This is really because we both come from very strong culturally rooted nations (India and Nigeria), where relationships most of the time are with people that look like you and come from the exact same place. So we definitely get questions like ‘how did this happen?’ ‘Were your parents on board,’ etc. I guess people find this combination quite rare, so it’s quite intriguing.”
“On the other hand, there are a lot of people who don’t really have a reaction at all. In the world we live in, intercultural and interracial relationships are becoming a lot more common so in certain environments we don’t really stand out at all,” they added.
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Chantel and Greg told us more about people’s reactions to their relationship. They stated, “in person, there isn’t really any reaction. We live in the Greater Toronto Area (Ontario, Canada), which is quite culturally diverse, and interracial relationships are common. It wasn’t until we started our YouTube channel that we realized people in different parts of the world have very different perspectives (which they love to share in the comments), and that took a little getting used to. Most find it really intriguing because, not only do we look very different in terms of our ethnic backgrounds, but we also live a lifestyle that's different than most.”
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As the world becomes more diverse, everyone needs to open themselves up to different cultures and ways of living. Chantel and Greg shared advice from their personal experience, stating, “by working together our views on certain things like this have changed over time. We raise our children through a blending of both our backgrounds. Our kids get to experience a wide variety of foods that we never had while growing up, and we try to instill the behaviors we believe will offer them the greatest opportunities in their lives.” That’s something we all should try to learn from.
What are your thoughts on interracial relationships? Have you ever been in one? Tell us your story, we’d love to hear it!
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His family (black) are such warm people. Huggers! All of them! Omg, I love them so much.
I didn't think I would ever have a family again and I absolutely had no idea that I would ever be so embraced by my husband's family.
The biggest thing for me was the other shoe never dropped. They weren't being mean or pulling a prank, they were just f*****g nice, loving people.
If any one of them asked me to go anywhere at 3am I'd go. .I am white.
My estranged family still implies that my Filipino husband is a scammer and is only with me for the money and Canadian citizenship.
We have been together for almost 15 years. Married for 12.
You think that if he was only with me for the Canadian citizenship, he would’ve left me 10 years ago after he became a Canadian citizen.
I don’t even make a lot of money. He doesn’t even make a lot of money. But we are comfortable and extremely happy.
There is a reason why I do not speak to my family anymore.I’m a white dude married to a black woman. I had no idea about the whole culture of hair upkeep for black women. How much it costs. How much time it takes. How much it’s a connection point for her and other women.
Interestingly, what was a bigger adjustment had nothing to do with race. I’m an only child and she is one of five so obviously the family dynamics are quite different.
Next month we will be married for 24 years so I guess it’s all good.Culturally, Asian men do not talk about their problems or stress. It's a sign of masculinity to just quietly bear it all so when things get rough whether inside or outside of the relationship, my husband just becomes really quiet. At first i thought maybe he's just really focused or motivated at the time. He doesn't express anger at all but at the same time he doesn't express ANYTHING at all. That's when i know something is up with him. Coming from a half Latino household, we are very loud and expressive especially when we are stressed out, worried, or angry. The Asian and Latino cultures are so opposite in so many ways but yet so alike it's quite a journey being married to an Asian man. I wouldn't have it any other way tbh. I think bringing cultures together through love is one of life's greatest things to witness and be a part of.My partner is from California, I'm from Singapore. I think the biggest difference is popular culture --- everything from your childhood tv shows, the iconic music of your teens, even your education system, is going to be different. You cannot expect your partner to know what Mr. Rogers is/have watched XYZ cartoon. All assumptions have to be thrown out of the window
I think it's a good thing tbh, you start from zero. It makes you completely aware of how vast the world around you is, and I keep learning new things everyday. Just yesterday I learned that in California, there's a mascot called Smokey Bear that taught kids about forest fires. In turn, I told her about Singa the Courtesy Lion, which is a mascot to teach people courtesy/good manners. We had an entire discussion about mascots and teaching populations, and it was so fascinating. This happens so much that sometimes we can't stop talking to each other lol.I was born and raised in the netherlands (i'm half italian half indonesian but did not grow up with those cultures at home except a little). My girlfriend is persian.
In the netherlands, or at least in my experience, when people say no to something, then they mean no. While apparently for persians it's seen as polite to decline at least the first offer, often also the second even if you actually really want.
So for example, If she would offer me a cookie and i'd say no, She would ask another 3 times before letting it go, which was cute but also annoying. Meanwhile when i offer her a cookie and she says no. I just quit asking and then she gets a little mad that i didn't ask her a couple of times more.
It's not like the biggest difference or anything but it's a cute, and in the beginning, a very confusing difference
Edit: wow, did not expect 14k upvotes for this comment and i really love to learn so much about these kind of customs and that they are more widespread than i thought it would be! Especially in europe i did not expect it was common in ireland, finland and austria. Thanks for all the upvotes and interesting tidbits of culture that you've shared with me.
Also for those wondering. I know my girlfriend by now and the other way around. So yes, sometimes the tarof happens and im prepared for that, and meanwhile my girlfriend knows im not that familiar with tarof so there's never mich confusion between us. We value good communication
Have a great day you guys.My hubs is black. I'm white.
He was shocked at how my long hair found it's way everywhere. All over the shower? Check. Randomly around the house? Check. In the crack of his a*s? Check. He was less than impressed on the last one.
With me? That I couldn't run my fingers through his hair any ole direction without f*****g up his waves. I didn't know it had to be a certain way and he didn't tell me. He said he liked me rubbing his head too much to tell me I was messing them up. It wasn't until he was rocking a slight fro and I asked where those pretty lines in his hair went and he glared at me and was like, "you". He wasn't mad at me, he genuinely thought I knew and had just wanted to rub his head that badly. I was so clueless I didn't even know they were called waves.White male, black wife. Spices and moisturizer.
Our spice cabinet runneth over, and we have a bottle of moisturizer in almost every room of the house. Now I also smell like Coco butter.Most of my in laws are really great…. And then there’s my brother in law and his wife. I am from Spain but he keeps thinking I’m from Mexico and likes to uses phrases like “wetback” and such while his wife is concerned that I should always have my “papers” in order in case we are ever stopped….umm I am a citizen here ??…..stupid muppets….The biggest difference I had to get used to was not talking to my mom anymore. She was not happy I married a white person and 'cut ties' with me. There was also some subtle racism from members of my family, even though it was small comments I think it's for the best that I don't live near any of them.My husband is Ashkenazi Jewish. He and his family and Jewish friends seem to enjoy arguing for sport. There were a couple of times where I thought people were in relationship ending arguments over politics, but they were totally fine 15 minutes later.I’m white. She’s Hispanic. Her family loves me. My family hates that she isn’t white. I never knew that they were so racist until after they found out I wasn’t dating a white girl.
Edit: I hate how self-righteous Reddit is. Quit correcting me on me using Hispanic. I know I used it wrong. I just don’t care.My ex was mexican with darker skin and I’m white, and the weirdest thing was how we knew it was normal to be together where we lived but if we traveled anywhere south, north, or rural, we’d get weird looks and judged. My friend said her grandma from iowa saw a picture of us and told her to not be friends with me… yikes.Black woman with a white husband in the UK. I think the biggest difference was how family are treated, in my culture I cannot fathom leaving an elderly family member to live alone and fend for themselves but that seems pretty normal for my husbands family, we talk about it a lot and he agrees it may seem weird but is expected.
Also bonus of money, I am of the mindset that if you give someone money you really don’t ask for it back unless it was pre agreed, as in if I can afford to buy you something I don’t expect something in return. It seems in English culture everyone must pay each other back to the penny and not allow anyone to pay for anything, that’s a real culture shock to me.I’m white and married a Latino man. When his family says the party starts at 5, it actually means they don’t even start cooking until like 7-8. If you show up at 5, you’ll just be sitting around.An ex was Latina, and while there really weren't any "social" things that were new getting used to her family dynamic took some adjusting because they were very close and involved in each other's lives so it was normal for the weekends inevitable BBQ to be something I was expected to be present for if she was going, because otherwise 16+ people would grill her about me not coming.Not me personally, but I'm Asian and have sisters married to white dudes. It's interesting to see them at family events, with everyone talking with random English words thrown in. They picked up on a few of our words and know when we're talking about them lol.
What's sad is seeing my mixed nieces and nephews hate on our culture and think our food is weird. They like to deny being part Asian and claim they're 100% white which annoys me.Returning items.
Returning items was suddenly so incredibly simple. Never had any pushback no hassle nothing.
Shopping in stores
I never had so much privacy shopping. I'm really used to that constant. Can I help you? Are you finding everything okay constantly being spoken to by workers.
Now? I got a white girl with me. They just let me shop.
Her families food.
I really gotta talk myself up. It's only one time a year but damn it... I will never get used to different fruits and cranberries being in your macaroni. The undercooked meats and general lack of seasoning is real.The rice. So much rice. Every meal.
My bf is Asian, I’m as white as white can be, and other than the rice, we are very similar. But omg the rice. I now cook rice measuring with my knuckle. Before him I cooked rice maybe once a year, now it’s 2-4 times a week.Not really getting used to but coming to terms with. I'm not in an interracial relationship anymore, but I'm white and my first two girlfriends were black.
Learning my parents were actively trying to get us to break up because of the color of her skin was something I didn't think I'd ever have to deal with and had to do a hard look at how much I was willing to see my family after that. (LC as of now).Not wearing shoes in the house.
Kicking money upstairs to her family.
Celebrating Chinese New Year Reunion Dinner. Making rice for practically every meal.
"Lucky customs" like one year we didn't have a lot of money for Christmas gifts so I wrapped up some "practical" gifts. I wrapped up some new kitchen shears and culinary knives and I was scolded because you don't give those kinds of things as gifts because they "sever the relationship".
Not complaining. It just took getting used to.My boyfriend is Guatemalan. I didn’t know how deeply catholic Guatemalans are. I went no contact with his family for over a year because of the way they treated me. His mother called me “damaged goods” because I wasn’t a virgin which was deeply triggering because I’m an sa survivor. People have a distrust of me because I’m not from their social circle. They also really hate gay people and one day I went off on his cousin. Apparently being an outspoken woman is also very frowned upon. Basically I don’t speak Spanish (I’m learning!) I am not wealthy (they are) and my family isn’t good enough. It’s probably just them tho lol.I’m Mexican and my ex is Russian. I thought his mom hated me because when she said goodbye, she meant goodbye and would actually hang up. Quick communication later, I got at least three goodbyes before we got off the phone. ?.Always being asked if we want to pay together or separate? Being asked if we’re together or not. People assuming we aren’t married to each other. (Im Asian, he’s white)
Is that something all couples experience? Edumacate me please. ?? .I'm South Asian, he's East Asian. There's been a few differences around food once we started living together - he's used to eating meat with every meal, and I grew up vegetarian lol. So I compromise by making vegetarian meals for a few days every once a while when I've had enough meat.
Also, people somehow get real curious when it's two different PoCs getting together. A waitress once literally asked him (in mandarin) how did he get a girlfriend like me.In my failed marriage, there was overt racism. I’m Asian and my ex husband is Eastern European. When we first started dating, his mother declared, “There are three races in this world: white, black and yellow, and they should not mix. What would the neighbors say?”Lolololol. His grandfather expressed surprise when he met me because I’m not Black. He thought Japan was in Africa.
Japanese families are generally pretty respectful about not being too intrusive. His family was all into everyone’s business. They would ask questions like, “You’ve gained weight. What are you eating?” and “What does your psychiatrist say about how long you should be on antidepressants?” This is how they bond.
His family felt I was secretive and hated them because I refused to answer these questions. This created a situation where my ex had to choose between his family and me. Guess what his choice was?I’m Mexican and my husband is white so I got used to them doing Christmas on Christmas Day and not Christmas Eve ?nothing crazy but I was so used to Christmas Eve being the big day lol.My husband is white I’m black. He’s wonderful but his parents and brother are… I have a major case of RBF (it keeps you young). Nothing I can do about it. But the causal racism they’ve expressed towards me has been a lot. Telling me I have an attitude if I am just sitting and reading a book, that I’m rude if I don’t welcome BIL’s gf in an over the top manner. They had a mammy cookie jar in the kitchen that I planned on knocking over, until my husband said something to them and his mom put it away. Not to mention the confederate flag hanging in the garage. Which is hilarious since my in-laws are from Jersey. Wtf do you know about the confederacy?The dishwasher being used as a drying rack and not to actually wash dishes.The big one. The extend to which casual racism and prejudice is still present, that I as a white man was completely oblivious to. Both directed at minorities (everything from taking longer to get served at the bar to direct unambiguous hate) and within minority communities (refusing to hire certain other minorities, preferential treatment for lighter skin tones etc).
Some other observations:
If we go away anywhere for any length of time there is a ridiculously long list of family friends we need to buy gifts for. We go to visit anyone no matter how frequently need to take a gift. It’s now a budgeted line item…really!
My value as a man is at a first order a function of my career and only my career; doctor, lawyer, engineer, anything else, in that order. It’s how I’ll be introduced this is skukza he’s an engineer, and then I’m accepted as having certain social standing by default.
Big extended community parties, awesome! The men drinking whisky whilst the women clean up afterwards somewhat problematic.
