Probably many of us have dreamt from our teen years to have a love story and live happily ever after as we have seen in films. However, as we grow a bit older, we understand that such perfect love stories that we always saw on TV don’t really exist. And to keep a relationship healthy and long-lasting, it requires a lot of effort from both of the partners.
However, sometimes it may seem that we have finally met the person with whom we are going to spend the rest of our lives. But well - all it takes is for them to do something that makes us immediately realize that this person is in fact, not “the one” for us.
If you enjoy stories on why somebody broke up - buckle up! One Reddit user started a thread online asking folks to share things that happened and led them to realize that their partner, in fact, is not their person after all.
More info: Reddit
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Bored Panda got in touch with relationship coach Amie Leadingham and she shared a few common signs that a partner may, in fact, not be “the one":
“Not having similar life visions, core values, goals and priorities,” she stated. “If there are fundamental differences in what you both want out of life, this can lead to ongoing conflict and disagreements.”
Also, if there is a lack of emotional connection and intimacy. “Vulnerability creates connection, so if you don't feel seen, understood, and cherished by your partner, the relationship may not be fulfilling in the long run,” Leadingham emphasized.
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She added that struggling to resolve conflicts in a healthy way may be a sign that your partner is not the right person for you. “All couples disagree at times, but an inability to work through issues collaboratively is a red flag. It is not only love that keeps a relationship together, it is how a couple fights and resolves their conflicts.”
And the last one - a lack of trust and honesty. “Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Secrets, lies and betrayals can erode the foundation of the relationship.”
Now, I am sure there are many people out there who understand that they are dating ‘not the one’ for them and feel unhappy, however are hesitant to end the relationship. Well, about that, Leadingham noted that it is essential to recognize and understand our own needs within a relationship. “Take the time to deeply reflect on which of your needs are not being fulfilled by your partner.”
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She explained that if, for example, your relationship is facing challenges in terms of intimacy, it’s possible that your partner is unaware of their shortcomings in this area. “It is your responsibility to clearly communicate your needs to your partner to ensure they are met.”
The relationship coach emphasized that we cannot expect our partners to intuitively know what we require without expressing it. “Have an honest conversation with your partner about your thoughts and feelings.”
And if after communicating, your needs are still not being met and you realize that this is a non-negotiable for you, it may be necessary to consider ending the relationship. “By doing so, you create space for someone who can truly fulfill your needs and contribute to your happiness,” Leadingham pointed out.
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Finally, it’s no surprise that like everything else, there are quite a few misconceptions about finding ‘the one’.
The first misconception is that “there is a perfect person out there for everyone,” the relationship coach shared. “In reality, successful relationships take work, growth and commitment from both people.”
Another one is that when you meet 'the one', you will “just know”. “While some do experience love at first sight, for many it's a gradual process of building intimacy and compatibility,” she explained.
And well - if it’s “meant to be”, the relationship will be effortless. Not always. Leadingham emphasized that all couples face challenges and working through them together is what builds depth and resilience.
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So guys - don’t forget to check out Amie's website - Amie The Dating Coach!
And do you have similar personal experiences that led you to understand that your partner is not “the one”? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
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When he started physically hurting my dog.When she introduced me to her rich ex-boyfriend
Which led her to reveal to me that she had actually sent him nudes during their prior relationship.
I didn't mind, though. He was her boyfriend before me, after all. Their past was their past and I was actually glad she trusted me with that information.
Then I asked her how come I hadn't gotten something like that yet and the answer was "well, maybe if you could afford me nice gifts I'd have sent you something by now"
Boy, did I IMMEDIATELY realize she was not the one.He screamed at me in public in front of our friends when I beat him at a board game.When she left me because I got sad that my friend died. We were engaged.When I realized he doesn't take no for an answer for ANYTHING.There were many moments, but this one was on of the few that stood out.
We were watching the Barbie movie. A double date, and due to my movie rewards I got all four tickets and got everyone discounted food. I was really excited for this movie too. It was all good until the about “depressed Barbie”. Basically a satire commercial about a Barbie that’s depressed.
My then boyfriend started laughing manically and pointed at me, saying “that’s her! That’s her !” Then leaned over me to try to get the other couple attention while gesturing at me. He was almost in tears like it was the biggest joke and I was the funniest punchline. I struggled so much with depression and having him just laugh at me, made that moment drag on. I realized throughout our 10 year relationship he’s never tried to understand me or my mental health but he thought my feelings were laughable, and deserved ridicule and tried to get others to join in… Something broke in me that night. I couldn’t really enjoy the rest of the movie and it’s one I’ll forever associate with that moment of hurt and embarrassment. I knew then that the person who truly loves me would never purposefully make feel that way.When I felt a sense of dread when coming home to her, or when I was at home and she was coming home to me. Wondering what triviality she would be angry about this time.4 yrs ago when a fifteen year old girl DMed me on instagram after trying to find a way to contact me about how my bf (at the time) was begging her for nudes. yeah.When I made him a surprise and I bought him some gym shorts and he didn’t like them and started to throw a tantrum in my face telling me like how dumb he looks in the shorts and how he would never wear them at all because “look at how stupid they are”. He then threw the package box in my face (and that was the moment I knew I had to run).When I caught her in bed with my brother.When I found out that one of my close friends had suddenly died and I burst into tears, to which he said "what are you insecure about this time?" And when i said I just found out my friend died, he turned around and walked out of the room. The next day I was talking to his mum about it in the kitchen and she was comforting me, to which he again said "can you stop being insecure", and his mum practically tore him in half with words.
I left him soon after, and I'm now in a very happy and healthy relationship, with someone who also helps navigate my grief with me.
I miss his parents sometimes though, they were lovely people and deserved a better son than him.
Edit to add: worth noting we were together for almost 5 years as well, so not a new relationship or anything like that!She's still the "one", but her 43 year old son occupies our lives fully. Lived with us for 6 years, borrows and breaks almost everything I own, is hostile most of the time. She will not do anything to change the situation irrespective of how often I ask, so now I am going to fix it permanently. Selling my farm and divorcing her, such a shame.This isn’t a sad or dramatic one:
We had a really good girlfriend and boyfriend type relationship, but when s**t got real and long term commitment (marriage, buying a house, having a baby) peered over the horizon we both freaked out and bailed.
Catalyst was my mate’s wedding towards the end of the relationship and I was embarrassed at how lairy and drunk she was being. She was annoyed that I was being no fun and wouldn’t dance (there was no one else on the dancefloor!)
We’re still friends now. My wife is nothing like my ex, and my ex’s new partner is nothing like me. Everyone involved made the correct decision.He started drinking a 24 case of beer by himself, would yell at me about god knows what cuz he was hammered, pass out on the floor and p**s himself. Then act like nothing happened the next day. What a winner ?.When I realized that every time she went away for extended time, instead of missing her I was exited that I get to have some alone time/do stuff with my friends instead of her.There was a picture she painted of me years ago that hung on our wall. It was beautiful, and was like a whole bunch of blue triangles that made out my face and it's my favorite thing of me that's ever existed. Then one day after a couple bad years she got in a relatively speaking small argument with me over something and started freaking out, tore the painting off the wall and destroyed it. The argument was so pointless I couldn't even remember what it was about a week later. I know it sounds dumb but when she painted that for me at the beginning of our relationship it meant everything to me, and after multiple awful years, that was when I knew things could never go back, and that painting and image I had of myself and our love and relationship would forever be broken and unfixable.Being single was better than being with him. It hit me all at once like a lightning strike. I’d been so tied up in trying to appease him and get him to chill the f**k out.
ETA: I’m ok now. Therapy changed the kind of people who I attract and keep. 17 years strong with my best friend in the world.When I went to the airport to pick her up, flowers in hand, and stood there until the last of the luggage had been picked up before I realized she hadn't even gotten on the plane.When she threatened me with a knife and started stabbing the bed cuz I wouldn't wanna drink more with her.We never had an okay day. We had amazing days and awful days. Never just a nice okay one. Think of always manic or always depressed, no breaks. It was tough but had to break off.She was away for college when suddenly she stopped responding to my calls and texts. Turns out she got pregnant by someone else. I was with her for 5 years.When I realized the idea of marrying him one day secretly disappointed me.Years, decades, too late. She wanted a goat that would live in the house with us. One that would go hiking with us & graze. I was vehemently against this idea. We still hadn't recovered from all the chicken s**t in the spare bedroom. The goat she brought home was crippled. It would never graze. It would need to be hand fed for its entire life. She tried to bargain with me using [intercourse].When I celebrated their growth but they were angry at mine.When I asked why she showed me no respect at all in private and in front of others and she said “oh like me respecting you is so important”
I saw her as a completely different person from then on.When he couldn't even name ONE thing that he liked about me after 4 years of him constantly asking reassurance from my end. Don't know how I stayed for so long in the relationship constantly begging for him to actually like me even when we were together.She hated when I wasn’t with her, and she wasn’t happy when I was.When he “jokingly” threatened to cheat because I hadn’t given him any in a while due issues we were having. Finally realized I didn’t love him like I told myself I did, I just held on to the fact he was my nostalgic love from middle school/high school.When she told me to get a girlfriend for [intercourse].Well it was about that time that I noticed that the she was about 8 stories tall and a crustacean from the protozoic era. .She thought that the way to fix our problems was to separate temporarily. She ended up pregnant by another dude within a month.When I got an STD after 12 years of marriage and was faithful to her the entire time.
It went away after a week of antibiotics.
But I became a different person that day.
Don’t know if I like who I am now.Saved my money for 6 months to buy her a ring to propose when we were about 21ish... proposed, got laughed at and told by her, that she had been cheating on me for the past year. That hurt.When she saw no issue with the fact that she would be texting her ex husband (now current husband if that makes things clear) giving him emotional support particularly when we were watching tv together or driving to a restaurant for date night. Her excuse, "I still consider him my best friend (she may have said one of my best friends) and I dont think there is anything wrong with talking to a friend." 5 years later we divorced and she remarried him 9 months after that.When I finally realized that she wasn't and never could be the person who I wanted her to be.
Love a person for who they are in the moment as they truly are, not for what you think they may become.I don't know. I think I knew for years, but I was still holding onto the thought that you don't just *find* a happy relationship, you need to *built* one. Was kinda oblivious to the fact that you need both partners to do the building though.
What really struck me was that I was talking to a therapist once. I was seeing them for having far too much stress - which I now realize was mostly due to my wife - and when the troubles of my marriage became the topic for just a moment, the woman tried to cheer my up by suggesting that this was most likely a mere rough patch.
Sure, we had issued, but they were mostly external burdens that were very taxing to work through. So I should not loose hope and hold onto the things I loved about my wife, and the reasons for why I had married her.
I nodded "yeah" and put on a weary but brave smile like you are supposed to in that moment, but in my mind I realized there weren't any.
There weren't any.When I asked her to marry me and she said "no".When she washed her big a*s in the sink.
