The saying goes that if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. But if it looks like an ancient dildo and feels like one, too... it might be a pestle. Or a darning tool. At least according to a mystery person who catalogued the 16cm historical object after it was found at the Roman fort of Vindolanda in Northumberland in 1992. But no. It’s most likely a sex toy of yesteryear.
Reassessed by archaeologists this week, the object is now posited to be the only known life-sized Roman dildo. Six inches in length, it is round and bulbous on one end, while the other end tapers into what looks like, well, the head of a penis. Once you take a closer look at it, there’s no mistaking the tip for anything other than the exposed glans, no foreskin in sight. Even Rob Collins, senior lecturer in archaeology at Newcastle University agrees, telling The Guardian: “I have to confess, part of me thinks it’s kind of self-evident that it is a penis.”
