Parents consciously decide to have kids after a lot of thought and planning. It isn’t an easy path, so those who feel they can’t manage it simply opt out. Although they might be secure as child-free individuals, not everyone respects the lifestyle.
Some people, especially older folk, have trouble understanding why anyone would not want to have kids. This mom is one of those people who was so caught up in wanting to be a grandparent or continue her legacy that she didn’t stop to consider her child-free daughter’s feelings.
More info: Reddit
42-year-old mom thinks daughter is selfish for not wanting to have kids, thinks she’s doing daughter a favor by having 2 children on her behalf
The poster truly believed that by going in for sterilization, her daughter would be denying “souls” from coming into their family for ancestral or karmic reasons
The mom in this post was so preoccupied with the idea of more children being born into her family that she just gave birth to them herself. She knew her child-free daughter didn’t want any, so since she could do it, she didn’t once stop to think if she actually should. Her delusions were so strong that she even blamed her 22-year-old daughter for her weird decision.
Being child-free isn’t a radical choice. In fact, an MSU study found that there are 1.7 million people who don’t want to have kids in Michigan alone. Surveys have found that voluntary childless people choose it for financial reasons, their age, the state of the world, or even due to climate change. Regardless of her reasons, the woman’s daughter had the right to choose how she wanted to live her life.
Being child-free by choice makes some people feel really uncomfortable
People just can’t seem to accept that anyone could be child-free by choice. To understand more about voluntarily childless individuals, Bored Panda interviewed Veronica and Rick, the authors of The Childfree Connection page. They mentioned that they are on a mission to connect childfree people around the world and guide the community into living their most fulfilled lives.
We asked the couple why family members or friends often call individuals selfish for not having kids. Veronica and Rick told us that “people often struggle to detach themselves from the pronatalist assumption that the only acceptable way to express selflessness is by having children. The belief persists that if we are not willing to participate in the ‘sacrifice’ of parenthood, we are not contributing to the greater good.”
“The concept of self-love and self-care has also been warped to suggest that we only care about ourselves. The truth is that millions of childfree people have the opportunity and capacity to serve others precisely because we prioritize our well-being. Our community is overflowing with kind, loving, and caring child-free people.”
This deluded mom in this story was definitely not on board with her daughter’s decision because she felt “those souls needing to come into [their] family for ancestral or karmic reasons still [needed] to be born.” Although most folks probably don’t share such an extreme opinion, religion, culture, and mindset do play a role in people’s attitudes toward child-free individuals.
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)
Studies have found that higher education, especially for women, led to a higher approval for childlessness. On the other hand, regardless of the denomination, religious people tended to have more negative attitudes toward child-free people. It might be because most religions strongly advocate building strong family systems based on faith.
Apart from the negative attitudes, people also believe in a lot of stereotypes about voluntarily childless individuals. Research has found that child-free men and women are often considered irresponsible and egoistic. Men who choose this path are also stereotyped more and thought of as immature or womanizers.
The mom in this story seemed to think of her daughter similarly. She called the 22-year-old selfish and thought of herself as selfless for “birthing and raising two babies.” Despite the three kids being siblings, she’d joke about how the babies were actually her daughter’s. That must have really made family get-togethers awkward.
There are so many negative stereotypes about child-free people, but the reality is that the folks who make this decision put a lot of thought into it. Apart from financial or emotional aspects, people might decide on this path because of a history of family illnesses, their way of life not being conducive to raising kids, or simply because they really don’t want to do it.
It’s hard to deal with pushy people (like the poster) who can’t accept a child-free lifestyle, but there are ways to take control of the situation. According to Clearblue, it’s important to set boundaries with such individuals. Take the time to share your thoughts with folks who truly want to listen, but you can steer clear of conversations with stubborn people.
Veronica and Rick also added that “it’s important to understand that if someone is unwilling to accept the child-free choice, no explanation will satisfy their judgment or preconceived notions about this lifestyle. Their close-mindedness will prevent any effort to have a constructive or loving conversation.”
“One approach to consider is saying, ‘It feels best for me to keep my decision and reasons private until I’m ready to share them with you.’ This may be difficult for some to say, but it can help prevent feelings of shame when the other person isn’t satisfied with the explanation.”
What prying individuals don’t understand is that the conversation about not wanting children can also be an emotional one for the other person. Rather than forcing their opinions on child-free people, it’s important to approach the situation with care and respect. Not everyone wants to give birth to and raise children, and that should be okay.
Veronica and Rick also shared their experience of letting people know they didn’t want to have children. They said, “expressing clarity and confidence in our choice was crucial. People tend to pick up on the energy behind a decision and are more likely to question those who seem unsure. We reached a point where listing reasons for our choice no longer mattered because this life-changing decision was about us.”
“The questioning has finally stopped now that we’re older, but our experiences were very different in our 20s and 30s. Rick was praised by his friends for ‘dodging a bullet,’ while I was constantly reminded that I was making a ‘huge mistake’ and would ‘regret my decision.’ Childfree people should set boundaries that best support their mental health, and if someone thinks they’re being selfish, so be it.”
Unfortunately, instead of really taking the time to understand her daughter, the OP took matters into her own hands and had two more children. It would honestly be the best karma if her other two kids grew up and also chose to be child-free.
How do you feel about this Gen X mom’s post? We’re all ears to hear your honest thoughts.
Netizens were extremely weirded out and could not believe anyone would think that way
People also questioned why the mom clubbed herself in with Gen Xers
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People Are Horrified After Woman Shares Her Daughter Is Childfree So She Had 2 Kids On Her Behalf Bored Panda
