It was a sure thing. Unanimous. England would beat France and reach their second successive World Cup semi-final. The meerkats at a Sussex zoo declared it, via the medium of clambering into an England flag-decorated bucket of whatever it is meerkats eat. Not a single meerkat put his faith in Olivier Giroud, there was no meerkat foresight when it came to Aurélien Tchouaméni firing a low, long-distance shot into the corner of Jordan Pickford’s goal.
We should have known. World Cup psychic animals have burnt us before, their competence often hovering somewhere around the level of Derek Acorah. As my colleague Marina Hyde notes, this shouldn’t be surprising, given that, y’know, they are animals. And yet, those meerkats did previously predict the Lionesses’ European Championship triumph and when Paul the Octopus repeatedly called results correctly during the 2010 World Cup the world watched. Octopuses are, after all, a very intelligent species.
Here are some others who have tried their hand – or tentacle – this year and in the past.
Paul the octopus
The aforementioned Paul – nicknamed the “octopus oracle” is the most well-known and successful of his profession. Paul managed an impressive 87% success rate over the course of his career. During Euro 2008, Paul correctly predicted four out of six Germany results (Paul resided in Oberhausen), and in the 2010 World Cup, he accurately called all seven of their matches, including a surprise defeat to Serbia in the group stage. Proving he wasn’t just a German-hit wonder, Paul even predicted Spain’s victory over the Netherlands in the final.
Paul’s method would be to open a box decorated with a flag to claim a mussel or oyster inside. Some tried to undermine Paul’s obvious genius by speculating that he was just choosing the brightest flag, a theory undermined by the fact that octopuses are colourblind.
Paul’s fame was such that another zoo offered a €30,000 transfer fee (which was rejected) and Iran’s then-president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called Paul “all that is wrong with the Western world”. Which is bold, given that babyccinos exist.
Paul died three months after the World Cup, probably of old age (he was two and a half) and he’s since been memorialised with his own Google doodle and statue. But the kicker? This German hero was born in Weymouth, England.
Mani the parakeet
Sticking with the 2010 World Cup, another animal seer was Mani, the Malaysia-born, Singapore-resident parakeet. Mani correctly predicted all four quarter-final results (including the Netherlands’ win over Brazil) by choosing from cards. But he called the semi-final wrong and in the final he plumped for the Netherlands over Spain. Cue headlines about a Mani versus Paul showdown. Mani and the Netherlands lost. Paul and Spain won.
Mani was, nevertheless, profiled in Vanity Fair. After his World Cup era he went back to working for his 80-year-old fortuneteller owner, continuing the tradition of “parrot astrology” popular in Singapore.
Achilles the cat
Before Qatar came along and took the title of World Cup host with most dubious human rights record, Russia was a strong contender. Harry Kane won the Golden Boot in 2018 but the real star of the tournament was Achilles, a beautiful, white deaf cat who acted as the official tournament feline forecaster.
I was already a fan of Achilles. I used to live in Russia and he is one of the Hermitage museum’s mousers. I didn’t see his career switch coming, but he acquitted himself admirably. By which I mean he acquitted himself with heavy bias, picking Russia every single time.
“He loves his motherland and couldn’t vote otherwise,” said the Hermitage’s in-house vet. And if you are wondering why the Hermitage has an in-house vet, there are about 70 cats living there.
Taiyo the otter
An otter has predicted victory for Japan in their upcoming World Cup match against Germany (via @mrjeffu) pic.twitter.com/0Eu3MVmT8q
— Populism Updates (@PopulismUpdates) November 23, 2022
Japan beating Germany 2-1 in the group stages of this year’s tournament was a shock, huh? Not to Taiyo the Japanese otter, who, though presumably biased, called it. Taiyo is perhaps my favourite animal oracle because he didn’t need any edible incentive. Instead, he clutched a tiny little football between his tiny little paws and dropped it into one of three buckets (there was the option for a draw, which makes it more impressive).
Olivia the grey parrot, who has been predicting results in the men’s and women’s game for eight years, did not fare so well. Like most human pundits, she predicted a win for Germany. Naturally, she was abused online. “Olivia’s a fraud” was a typical Twitter comment.
Oobi-Ooobi the koala
Dierentuin in Leipzig is onverbiddelijk: koala Oobi-Ooobi mag geen EK-prognoses meer doen https://t.co/gXLdScqzEO pic.twitter.com/Koevs7HTHg
— ESPN NL (@ESPNnl) June 20, 2016
A Leipzig-based ostensible clairvoyant marsupial, Oobi-Ooobi utterly failed to deliver. Oobi-Ooobi made his picks via eucalyptus leaves, but he was – how to put it – awful, getting every single prediction wrong. Heartbreakingly, Oobi-Ooobi genuinely looked quite sad about this. But perhaps he was just fed up about being filmed all the time as part of this PR charade – or was a tennis fan all along. Either way, he was benched by his keepers.
The best of the rest
Believe it or not, this isn’t an exhaustive list of football animal oracles. Fans of furry fortunetellers or scaly soothsayers can also check out Alfie the alpaca (Chipping Norton’s finest), Leon the porcupine, Flopsy the kangaroo, Geda the monkey (who also predicted, alas, Donald Trump’s presidential victory), Boy the white lion, Anton the tamari, Yunona the tiger, Madame Shiva the Swiss guinea pig, Big Head the sea turtle, Dirty Harry the crocodile, Camilla the camel and, rather unoriginally, Nelly the elephant (who also predicts Champions League matches). And finally … Pele the piranha.
