CHICAGO — Sports remain our greatest escape, offering a few hours of downtime from the daily dose of madness that surrounds us from when we awaken to the moment we crash.
Hollywood surely had its day, but the pandemic taught us that watching films from a living room couch is preferable to driving to the local multiplex, and the nonstop deluge of superhero sagas and CGI-infused fare suggests the movie industry really isn’t interested in us anyway.
So we look to our teams and favorite athletes to provide us with fade-resistant memories, the kind of unscripted drama that lingers like a daydream you never want to end.
What will 2023 bring us that separates it from every other sports year?
Will legendary droughts be broken, longtime records come to an end and familiar faces return to glory?
We can only guess, of course. Despite what they say in those annoying betting apps commercials that dominate our sports-watching experience, there’s no such thing as a sure bet.
Either way, here’s our best guesstimate at what we’ll be seeing over the next 52 weeks.
1. Buffalo Bills win the Super Bowl
No city deserves sweet relief more than Buffalo after its recent snow-related disaster. No professional sports franchise deserves a chance to celebrate more than the Bills, who lost four consecutive Super Bowls from 1990-93 and have never been back. Like the New Orleans Saints winning Super Bowl XLIV three years after Hurricane Katrina, the Bills will finally prevail in a thriller over the Dallas Cowboys.
2. LeBron James passes Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
This is a no-brainer prediction, with James on pace to become the NBA's all-time leading scorer by late February or early March, barring injury or load-management decisions. But even after passing Abdul-Jabbar, “King James” will remain in the shadow of Michael Jordan, the one and only GOAT.
3. Tom Brady retires — again
And this time he really means it, so ESPN can go ahead and schedule reruns of all the Brady specials it aired in February.
4. Purdue cruises in March Madness
The Boilermakers have made 32 appearances in the NCAA Tournament and advanced to two Final Fours without winning a title. But 7-foot-4 center Zach Edey won’t even have to climb a ladder to cut down a piece of the net after Purdue’s drought ends against Texas on April 3 in Houston.
5. Cameron Smith wins the Masters
After Augusta National announced in December that members of the upstart LIV Golf tour can compete in the Masters, Smith, the No. 3 player in the world rankings, outduels Rory McElroy for his first green jacket. LIV chief executive Greg Norman claims a TV contract with a prominent American media outlet is imminent.
6. Willson Contreras homers in his return to Wrigley Field
The “Welcome back, Willson” game becomes as legendary as the original “Farewell, Willson” game after the former Chicago Cubs catcher hits a game-winning home run for the St. Louis Cardinals on May 8 at Wrigley.
7. Bears nail the top draft pick with edge rusher Will Anderson
There is no chance Bears general manager Ryan Poles can blow this one, right? The game-changing pass rusher from Alabama will do to the Bears defense what Justin Fields has done to the offense.
8. Brittany Griner’s comeback sets WNBA TV-ratings record
When the WNBA star returns to the Phoenix Mercury for the first time since being released from a Russian prison, the league gets the kind of national attention it has craved. Griner’s first home game, on May 21 against the Chicago Sky, becomes the highest-rated regular-season game in WNBA history.
9. Chicago Bulls fall again in the 1st round
After a late-season surge with the return of Lonzo Ball gets the Bulls over .500, they clinch a No. 8 spot in the Eastern Conference playoffs on the final day of the season, only to fall to the Brooklyn Nets in six games in the opening round.
10. Toronto Maple Leafs end their Stanley Cup drought
The longest drought in NHL history finally ends with the Maple Leafs edging the Minnesota Wild on Auston Matthews’ overtime goal in Game 7 of the Final, their first Cup since 1967. Canada declares a national holiday for the parade.
11. Charlotte Hornets win the Victor Wembanyama lottery
After Charlotte owner Michael Jordan brings out his lucky penny for the televised draft lottery, the Hornets win the No. 1 pick and select 7-foot-3 French prodigy Victor Wembanyama to team with LaMelo Ball.
12. US Women defend their World Cup title
Anything other than a third straight championship for the U.S. women’s national team would be unacceptable for the real “America’s team.” Chicago Red Stars forward Mallory Pugh leads the Americans to the three-peat on Aug. 20 in Sydney.
13. The beginning of the end of LIV Golf
Without a national TV contract, the Saudi-funded tour is doomed to fail after Year 2 of its existence, and players begin looking for ways to return to the PGA Tour. If a putt fails in a forest and there’s no one around to see it drop …
14. Bears fans pan Arlington Heights stadium plan
There’s a good chance Bears Chairman George McCaskey blows this, right? Architectural renderings released in September draw comparisons to the space ship crashing into Soldier Field.
15. Cubs and White Sox make playoffs
With the additions of free agents Dansby Swanson and Michael Benintendi, respectively, the Cubs and White Sox sneak into the postseason with wild-card berths, putting the miseries of 2022 in the rearview mirror. Both lose in the first round but point to 2024 as “The Year.”
16. Northwestern ends losing streak
Pat Fitzgerald’s Wildcats end their epic 16-game losing streak Oct. 6 against Howard at Ryan Field. Students yawn, and attempts by NU alumni to rip down the goal posts, like at the end of the record 34-game losing streak in 1982, result in dozens of back injuries.
17. New York Mets sign Shohei Ohtani to record-setting deal
After losing to the Houston Astros in the World Series, Mets owner Steve Cohen gives Ohtani a blank check. Ohtani signs an 11-year, $510 million deal, a bit higher than the 10-year, $500 million offer from the New York Yankees.
18. Bears take the North
Justin Fields leads resurgent Bears to a New Year’s Eve win in subzero temperatures at Soldier Field, their seventh victory in their last nine games. The 8-7 Bears hold a two-game lead over the second-place Detroit Lions and clinch the North Division via the tiebreaker. Coach Matt Eberflus announces Fields will sit the final two games, with back up Derek Carr starting at quarterback.
