WELCOME to Mad Monday.
So many big questions arise on this particular Mad Monday - although it should now be referred to as mental health Monday.
This is because media aren't supposed to label a specific day of the week with a potentially pejorative adjective, according to an inter-governmental panel of experts who have determined such practice could hurt feelings.
I recently saw on Sky News that these so-called experts won't stop until they have removed 'good' from Good Friday, 'palm' from Palm Sunday, and ash from 'Ash Wednesday'.
I don't really care if they insist on removing 'shrove' from Shrove Tuesday, as long as I can still have pancakes.
But further reference to Shrove Tuesday as 'Fat Tuesday' is not acceptable. We don't use 'fat' in Australia anymore, although my doctor still seems keen on it.
For those without a solid education in fire and brimstone, Fat Tuesday gets its name due to it being the last hurrah to go full fatty before calorie austerity should commence on Ash Wednesday.
The Mad Monday big questions: Who will be the lord mayor of Newcastle this time next week and what factors influenced the Newcastle electorate to swing away from incumbent lord mayor Nuatali Nelmes?
Supercars? Scott Neylon?
Was the 'drain the swamp' appeal of a disgruntled former ALP member with no experience in the mechanics of local government but plenty in saving lives attractive to disgruntled ALP voters?
We await the determination. It's close.
What are your plans this Mad Monday? Heading down to the Del on Darby to hold back a team mate's hair in a locked cubicle while they drive the porcelain bus?
Searching for washed-up packages off the Newcastle ocean baths? A quickie to Dubbo to have your pic sneakily snapped in a motel whilst hovering over a mini mountain of white powder that will not be suggested to be an illicit substance by anybody who could be subject to defamation proceedings?
There's no nose negroni culture in drugba league. Ask anyone.
It's a tad sad that the contemporary Mad Monday celebrating the end of the season across a range of sports, with all its 'behind closed doors, no mobile phones and preferably overseas' malarkey, has robbed fans of opportunities to know their heroes operate as full loosey-goosey as they and their friends once may have.
What about nude runs on Mad Monday? Can they make a wholesome comeback? Remember when a burly front-rower would happily remove their floral dress and bolt down main street without a care in the world?
These days it seems fine to get the kit off in public with other like-minded souls, providing it is for a specific purpose such as the naked winter solstice swim in Tasmania, or lining up with more than 5000 birthday-suited others for a Spencer Tunick snap at the Sydney Opera House.
Perhaps you've participated in the 'Nude Running of the Balls' in Tarpeena in South Australia, which is a fundraiser for brain injury. Even the generally anti-naked YouTube hosts plenty of 'documentaries' dedicated to World Nude Bike Ride (WNBR) days.
Come for the images, stay for the comments.
Perhaps on-the-spot non-organised streaking has had its day, given that in NSW you may be charged with wilful and obscene exposure and possibly end up on the sex offenders register.
In 2017, two Central Coast cousins thought they would "light the joint up a bit" during a Big Bash game at the SCG, which one of the lads found so boring that the naked run "had to be done."
The two were found guilty of wilful and obscene exposure following their arrest at the game and initially fined $5500 each for entering the field without authorisation.
This was later successfully appealed with the conviction overturned, perhaps because the magistrate was familiar with the boredom that the Big Bash had become.
If they had been unsuccessful in their appeal, the two men would have been in the same category as sex offenders under the NSW Criminal Records Act.
Keep public nudity to that approved by the state on Mad Monday. There's no longer any room in the NSW courts for an impulsive burst of larrikinism.
