Picture this: the phoenix rising from the ashes, a dazzling rebirth like a majestic burst of fireworks on the Fourth of July. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Parler, the controversial social media platform that found itself temporarily benched following the infamous January 6th insurrection, is making a grand comeback. Take a moment to let that sink in.
Now, before you start questioning the sanity of the universe, let me fill you in on the exciting details. Parler's new owners, the enigmatic digital media conglomerate Starboard, have declared that the platform is primed for a 'powerful resurgence' that will harken back to its glory days as a vibrant marketplace of ideas. Ain't that something?
Relegated to the confines of internet oblivion since April, Parler was scooped up by Starboard in an undisclosed, cloak-and-dagger-style transaction. Rest assured, significant names circled the acquisition frenzy—none other than the audacious Ye, the artist formerly known as Kanye West, threw his hat into the ring. Unfortunately, it seems as though Kanye's aspirations to claim the Parler throne crumbled like a cookie made of sand during a sandstorm.
So, who officially holds the reins of this controversial platform now? Enter PDS Partners, a limited liability corporation eager to steer Parler back to its former glory. This illustrious group comprises Elise Pierotti, Parler's beloved chief marketing officer returning from the abyss, the new CEO Ryan Rhodes, and a cast of mysterious figures opting to remain incognito. But wait, there's more! Jaco Booyens, an anti-sex trafficking activist, joins the fray as Parler's chief strategy officer, bringing a touch of valor and justice to the table.
Now for the juicy tidbits. Pierotti, the savvy marketing maven, didn't divulge the nitty-gritty details of the deal, but she did reveal that it was locked down just last week. As for the grand reopening, mark your calendars for the first quarter of next year. We can almost hear the collective fangirling or fanboying from the Parler faithful in anticipation.
Historically, Parler never quite reached the same dizzying heights as its right-wing and libertarian-friendly counterparts when it comes to cultivating a user base. Nevertheless, it has always prided itself on being a sanctuary for free speech, in all its glorious, controversial, and occasionally incendiary forms. But the road to redemption hasn't been without its bumps. After Amazon unceremoniously pulled Parler's web-hosting service earlier this year, the platform faced a monumental challenge just to get back in the game.
Fear not, dear reader, for Pierotti assures us that Parler will no longer be cozying up to Amazon's cloud service. Oh no, they are forging ahead with their own plans, utilizing a 'hyper-scaled private cloud' and other cutting-edge technologies. It seems the company isn't content with rewriting the narrative; they want to reshape the entire technological infrastructure while they're at it.
And what about the mighty gatekeepers of the digital realm? Google and Apple, both of whom expelled Parler from their online empires after the events of January 6th, eventually relented. Yes, you heard it correctly. Parler made its way back to the app stores, much to the relief (and perhaps chagrin) of those who revel in its unique brand of unfiltered discourse.
So, dear readers, brace yourselves for the reawakening of Parler, like a dormant volcano rumbling back to life. Whether you're an ardent supporter or a curious onlooker, there's no doubt that this chapter in social media history will be one for the books. Will Parler find its place amidst the digital giants? Only time will tell. In the meantime, grab your popcorn, folks. The show is about to begin, and it promises to be one heck of a roller coaster ride.
