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Newcastle Herald
Newcastle Herald
National

Out of the Box: The Silberys on life, love and motherhood

Isabelle, Emmie and Kerry Silbery are fan favourites on Gogglebox. Picture: Foxtel
The girls holidaying in the Whitsundays in 2019. Picture: Supplied
The decision to apply for Gogglebox was led by the idea of getting women of all ages on television. Picture: Foxtel
Em met Wal when she was 17. His sense of humour and Clark Gable moustache swept her off her feet. They had five children together, including Kerry, pictured here. Picture: Supplied
Out of the Box: Raw and hilarious tales of heartache, triumph and truth, by Isabelle, Kerry and Emmie Silbery. Simon and Schuster. $32.99.

It's not often you get three generations of women together, sharing the lessons they've learned about such things as love, sex and motherhood. But as we sit on the couch with the Silbery family during Gogglebox, watching them as they watch television, we're given a little insight into what makes this family work.

And now, with their memoir of sorts, Out of the Box, Emmie, Kerry and Isabelle open up even more as they talk about motherhood, infidelity, grief, money, feminism, body hair ... no topic is off limits and it's a very revealing read.

Our Zoom interview is like my own little personal Gogglebox session, the three women gathered in the kitchen, chatting with me, and each other, about all sorts of things as we go off topic several times. They are as they appear on the television, open and forthright, full of humour and common sense, and just a little bit shocking. Emmie, at 92, is still a saucy minx, as she reminisces about former lovers. "She's the worst one of all us," says her granddaughter Isabelle.

One thing Out of the Box does suggest, is that their own stories would be worthy of a television drama they'd perhaps watch on Gogglebox.

The youngest of seven, Emmie lost both her parents by the time she was nine and she went to live with her Aunt Kitty. By the time she was 19 she was married and had three children in quick succession. After 30 years of marriage she discovered her husband was having an affair with a woman her daughter's age and the marriage ended.

Kerry and Isabelle's lives have also had their ups and downs - divorce, raising children, infidelity. Their story is one which will resonate with many women.

"By writing our stories, honestly and openly, we're just hoping it sparks a conversation for women, with their families and friends," says Isabelle.

"I'm very passionate about not forgetting the older generation and remembering that they've got heaps of wisdom and knowledge and experience and we can all learn from that."

It was this idea that led to their time on Gogglebox. They joined the cast in 2016 after Kerry heard they were recruiting new families. Her original thought was "God, no, you don't know my family". She caught up with Isabelle that night who reminded her you don't often see three generations of women on television.

"I reflected on this, thinking that it's rare to see women of a certain age represented in mainstream media," says Kerry.

"When I was growing up, female journalists were relegated to writing fluff pieces on the social and fashion pages, discussing 'women's issues'. When I was growing up, women on TV were almost exclusively wives, mothers or sex symbols.

"They were usually white, Anglo, thin and demure, with straight blonde hair. A very limited palette. And this was during the second wave of feminism in the '60s and '70s, so not at all reflective of what was going on in real life for the diverse women of Australia.

"I don't know if my 'just do it' attitude to life has rubbed off on Isabelle, but she applied online while we were chatting. Before I knew it, it was lights, camera, action."

Emmie's first thought was whether she could get a broken tooth fixed before the first episode.

"Being on television at my age is possibly the strangest thing that's happened to me," Emmie says.

"Are there any other people my age on tele, apart from my boyfriend, Sir David A?

"Although I'm unperturbed by what comes out of my mouth, I do hate seeing my face close-up on screen. I look really old. It doesn't match up to how I feel inside but, when I see myself on TV, I realise, goodness, I am old.

"Life has changed since being on the program. People approach me in the supermarket, when I'm in the middle of feeling for the softest avocados, and say, 'Oh, I just love you.' I get a fright each time, thinking, 'Who are you and why are you speaking to me?' Then the penny drops. I don't think I'll ever get used to this new-found public recognition."

They all agree that at a certain age women can start to feel invisible, that they aren't well represented in mainstream media, but it's more than that. It's about society's perception of women and the place they have as they age.

"I had a lover a few years ago," says Kerry, "who said to me with great glee and surprise, 'Women of your age aren't supposed to enjoy sex'. And I just looked at him and said, 'Who have you been having sex with, because I've always enjoyed it'.

"Even now, post menopause, no periods, no infants in your life and you can actually be free and enjoy sex, probably for the first time since you were very young. And it was such a revelation to me that he would even think that women of my age aren't supposed to be a certain thing."

It's this idea that sticks with Kerry. At 68, she seems surer of herself than ever before. She loves the way she looks in a mirror, she's embraced the grey, she has a "Fancy Man" who visits a couple of times a week. While she's always rallied against certain norms, she feels much more confident in it now.

So what have these three generations of mothers learned from each other?

"Becoming a mother has completely changed me," says Isabelle.

"It's given me a new perspective on life and made me think about what's truly important.

"I think I've learned, from seeing Emmie and mum be mothers, and the sort of mothers they are, how you have to be straight talking, loving, unconditionally, non judgmental, and just be present when it's really needed."

Emmie says she envies, in a way, the mothering experience her daughter and granddaughter have.

"It's definitely been interesting for me to watch the way they've brought up their children. It's a totally different thing from what it was in my day."

They start to chat amongst themselves about the differences in their parenting styles, Isabelle loves Emmie's curiosity, Kerry is proud that Isabelle wants a better world for her son. The one thing they can all agree on is there is no one right way to be a mother, you do the best with what you have, make the choices you think are the right ones at the time.

"The bond between the three of us is unconditional love," says Kerry.

"We roll up our sleeves, get the job done and clean up the mess afterwards. Completely selfless, completely loving."

  • Out of the Box: Raw and hilarious tales of heartache, triumph and truth, by Isabelle, Kerry and Emmie Silbery. Simon and Schuster. $32.99.
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