Daphne and Michael are one of the thousands of young couples who are calling for humanist marriages to be legally recognised in England and Wales - like they are in the rest of the UK.
Despite officially tying the knot two years ago at their local registry office in Berkshire, unlike the law, they don’t consider themselves officially married until their humanist wedding ceremony in three weeks' time.
They think it’s frustrating that the ‘prescribed’ £100 formality recognises them as husband and wife, but the personalised celebration with family and friends in a festival-like teepee that they have been planning for years won’t be.
They’re talking to the Mirror following a report published last week by the Law Commission - which could see the biggest shake-up to wedding laws since the 19th Century.
The report, commissioned by the government, described current rules around weddings as "confusing, out-of-date and restrictive".
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Couples in England and Wales must choose either a civil or religious ceremony with specific wording, with no option for a legally-binding ceremony reflecting other beliefs on the cards.
Just one of the Law Commission's recommendations was a focus on the officiant taking the ceremony rather than the building, which could make way for legal weddings on the beach, rather than the current offering of a place of worship or a licensed venue.
For Daphne Monro, 24, and 33-year-old Michael Chappell - who will be taking Daphne’s surname following their wedding day on August 13 - they didn’t feel that the available options aligned with their values and were not what they wanted from their big day - but knew they had to do it anyway.
During their wedding planning, they considered a civil ceremony but found it didn't quite have the same recognition as a religious ceremony.
They then came across humanism and now identify as humanists - non-religious people who believe that this life is the only life they have, that the universe is a natural phenomenon with no supernatural side, and that we can live ethical, meaningful, and fulfilling lives on the basis of reason and humanity.
The couple, who have been together five years, feel it’s a shame that the wedding they booked within a day’s notice and with four people in attendance is the one that counts.
SEO manager Daphne says a possible law change would be “significant”.
“It would feel like a full circle because on that day [their humanist wedding] will be the promises we’ve made to each other and the commitment we would like to be recognised by everybody,” she continues.
“I think when people make these commitments to each other, it should be the same no matter what, whatever building you choose to do it in.
“This is where all of our energy has been poured into and it would be just fantastic to see that recognised”.
Michael wishes they could have done away with the registry office part entirely and while Daphne couldn’t fault the staff, she described the whole experience as “odd”.
“I didn’t want our wedding to have any religious affiliation, which you kind of have to do if you end up in a registry office,” Michael, a software engineer, says.
“It was incredibly prescribed. It's basically like a ‘choose your own storybook’, but there are only three possible options or things that you can really say to each other.
“There wasn't really any chance to tailor it to us. There was no sense of ‘us’ in it, it could have been the next couple.
“It was very formulated”.
He adds: “You’re then asked stupid questions like ‘what does your father do?’ It’s so archaic.”
The service that they view as their actual wedding will take place at Daphne’s 1.5-acre family farm in West Berkshire, which has passed through four generations.
Although she was born in Las Vegas, US, as her mum is American, her father is British.
What do you think about wedding laws in England? Let us know in the comments.
They hope it will have a festival vibe with around 120 to 150 guests - with DJs, live bands, and chill-out zones, with a strictly no heels policy.
The date was initially set for July 25, 2020, but was postponed a year later due to coronavirus lockdown restrictions, and again cancelled.
They have been working with their humanist celebrant Sian every step of the way - and have included personal touches that they weren't able to do in their legal ceremony.
"It's just been such a beautiful experience and it's made us closer,” Daphne says.
"The ceremony is completely tailored to you and your relationship and the people around you.
"We're having a handfasting component where our family and friends will come and make their blessings and promises in our union together."
They argue a change in historic wedding laws in England could see more non-religious couples encouraged to make things official.
"It sucks that there is no other option," Daphne says.
"We felt like marriage was outdated but still wanted to celebrate our love and have the same rights.
"So having that recognised without having to do these traditional protocols, I think it would be more attractive to young people."
Humanists UK chief executive Andrew Copson has warned the wedding reform proposals would take years to implement but has urged the government to legally recognise humanist weddings immediately.
He said: "Fundamental marriage reform, if it even happens, may take many years.
“The good news is that the Government doesn’t have to wait to give legal recognition to humanist marriages. It can do so now, without delay – and it should.
"The Marriage Act 2013 allows the Government to legally recognise humanist marriages without needing a new Bill. We urge the Government to enact this now, and give couples in England and Wales the freedom to choose a marriage that aligns with their beliefs and values.
"For thousands of couples it is hugely frustrating that something as uncontroversial as legal recognition for humanist marriages has been delayed for almost a decade."
In response to the Law Commission report, a Ministry of Justice spokesperson said: "We asked the Law Commission to review our current marriage laws to ensure this important institution continues to reflect modern society.
"We will carefully review these recommendations and respond in due course."
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