The lawns are pristine, the strawberries cheap and everything just kind of… works. Is it me or would we all be better off if Wimbledon ran Britain?
Before we start, a caveat. Governing a country is — perhaps obviously — somewhat more complex than hosting a tennis tournament. But it’s still worth exploring a Freaky Friday-esque body swap.
First, prices. While Rishi Sunak is unlikely to meet his pledge to halve inflation by the end of the year, at £2.50 the cost of a portion of strawberries and cream at Wimbledon has remained unchanged since 2010.
Second, the pandemic. While the Government is facing stinging criticism for its lack of Covid preparedness, Wimbledon received a payout of more than £100 million, having taken out pandemic insurance following the 2003 Sars outbreak.
Third, infrastructure and long-term planning. While Britain seems incapable of building much-needed houses, train lines and reservoirs, Wimbledon has built new stadiums, retrofitted roofs and has even bought the golf club next door as part of a grand new development.
Finally, the finances. While Britain’s net debt reached £2.6 trillion at the end of May, a little over 100 per cent of GDP, Wimbledon made an operating profit of £47 million last year.
The only thing it seems that the club cannot do is defeat the Nimbys over its planned expansion. The tournament is good, but it can’t hold back the tide.
Of course, Wimbledon isn’t a party and doesn’t have a leader, though I imagine Tim Henman polls well in the Blue Wall, Andy Murray would take care of Scotland and Emma Raducanu ought to sweep south London (except for the irrepressible Siobhain McDonagh in Mitcham and Morden.)
Moreover, if this switch-up occurred, I fear the Government would find a way to ruin Wimbledon. The Treasury might conclude that grass is too expensive to maintain and concrete over the turf, the strawberries would triple in price and skilled foreigners banned from playing.
On second thoughts, let’s keep Wimbledon running the tennis and the Government looking after Britain. The stakes are simply too high.
Jack Kessler is Chief Leader Writer
